Struggling

66Mustang

Hi and Happy Easter,

Sorry for not coming on here for the last few days but I’ve been struggling with various things.

Also, my previously mentioned relative is coming again today to stay for a week or so so I’m very worried and keen to receive any advice/support.

We also have a few meals with guests happening over the coming days which I am nervous about.

I hope all my friends on here are doing OK at the moment, and will have a nice Easter or just a nice long weekend if not celebrating Easter

Alex_Alumni

Hi @66Mustang thanks for sharing your thoughts, there's no need to apologise for not coming on here recently  

Holiday weekends like this can be quite social times, which isn't always the nice thing most people assume it is. Have a think about the coping strategies you use, and if you can think of any other ways to communicate your feelings or needs.

Does your family know about any boundaries you might like to put in place, around how much social time you can manage day to day? 

janer1967

Hi you fan do this you have before 

Keep chatting to us you know we are here to support you 

66Mustang

@Alex_Scope that's really true about the sociable times of year like Easter/Christmas. I think in TV/adverts and other media these times of year are portrayed as perfect/nice times but unless you have a "perfect" family (that's in quotes as I don't think there is such a thing) there will always be things to worry about.

I have been told I can go up to my room when I need to so that's helpful. However I do feel obliged (in my own head, no one else has said I am) to be downstairs for the dinners as I know how much effort goes into them. It's funny as I would enjoy the food much more if I was alone but I know that the people who made the dinner want to see me eating/enjoying it with the family!

@janer1967 thanks I will try to keep chatting on here (when I'm alone or get a quiet period) as it helps a lot. I hope you have a nice Easter.

@Teddybear12 thank you, you are right about having my own "safe" room. No I've not ordered any treats yet but I will do. I hope you have a great Easter as well. 

66Mustang

Well they have arrived and are on good form so far so fingers crossed it stays that way

Alex_Alumni

That's good to hear @66Mustang keeping fingers crossed for you, you've got this!

chiarieds

Hoping all stays well @66Mustang - put the grumpy one out in the garden if needed!! We all have every confidence in you that you can get through this, & I hope you do manage to enjoy your Easter as much as possible.

66Mustang

Hehe @chiarieds thanks for the support

PS. I wanted to ask you something as I know you like books. Just wondering if you have read a book called The Housekeeper and the Professor? It’s a really lovely book, I’ve managed to read about half of it recently after not being able to read a proper book for several years due to concentration issues and such, and am really enjoying it!

chiarieds

Hi @66Mustang - I hadn't come across that book & have just looked it up, & I think I would enjoy it too, & have actually just bought it!

You might enjoy one of Oliver Sacks' books, which has the amazing title of 'The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat.' He's a neurologist, who in this book relates some of the very unusual cases he's come across; eminently readable.

'Awakenings' based on Oliver Sacks' book of the same name, has to be my favourite film (with Robin Williams in a serious role, & Robert De Niro); thankfully my son kept a copy of the book for me, which I have yet to read.

Thank you for the recommendation, I should get 'The Housekeeper & the Professor' on Saturday, & look forward to reading it.

SueHeath

Hello @66Mustang do you know you sound like you are really maturing and coping with things very well, i am proud of you.
You are realising the joy others have in feeding their loved ones.
By inviting family around it is making sure they are not lonely at these "family times".
You are in your own home, so have access to your own space when you want/need it. Just like teenagers do.
You don't need a treat know doubt you will have plenty of chocolate, the weather is nice, so you can take dog for a walk.
And as always you know you have lots of friends on the forum.
Enjoy it and have a very Happy Easter. x

leeCal

@66Mustang I try to always remember that our internal world and state of mind is dependent on what we think, how we respond to external stimuli, and our thoughts effect our emotions too. We really can be at peace internally despite any noisy storm around us, we can be the calm, quiet ‘I’ of the storm. All we need do is accept that our thoughts are simply thoughts, nothing more, like small puffy clouds racing across a windy sky, each thought temporary and impermanent. We reign supreme in our minds and we are the final arbiters of our own reality.

I was once insulted quite badly by someone years ago. He insulted me once but I’ve remembered it many times over, thus I once allowed myself to be repeatedly hurt by this one insult. Sounds foolish doesn’t it.

i hope you have a peaceful and happy Easter. 🙂

(ps every storm is another opportunity to practise)

66Mustang

@chiarieds that’s brilliant! I hope you enjoy it and would be really interested to hear what you think of it. Thank you for the recommendations, I will have to look them up.

@sueheath thank you for the kind words. You are right I have other family members at home who I can take the dog out with and I also have my car so we can go for a drive. I hope you have a nice Easter as well.

@leecal thank you. You are right about the insult affecting you multiple times. I often find it selfish when people say nasty things because it makes the speaker feel better once but the recipient will remember it over and over so it strikes me as a poor trade!

@woodbine thank you, it’s good to know people will be around over Easter and I hope to be too if I can support people in any way. I hope you have a nice quiet Easter - I know you said you didn’t have much on - hopefully some time to relax and recharge.

L_Volunteer

Hey @66Mustang

Happy Easter to you too. It is ok you haven’t been on here for the last few days, please take your time.

Sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment though. Would you like to talk to us about what the various things look like for you at the moment?

It sounds difficult that your previously mentioned relative is coming again today. You did so well last time but it is understandable to hear you are feeling worried. I just want you to recognise your own strength.

In terms of advice/support, I think those boundaries are really important for you. This will be about balancing your time alone and time with this relative. If I remember rightly, last time you also found it helpful to plan things to look forwards to for afterwards. What might these things be this time?

I think this advice will be the same with the meals with guests you are feeling nervous about. Also, we are here for you and listening to you. Please let us know if we can do anything to support you further. Sending you hugs.

I am well thank you. I am looking forward to eating lots of chocolate! I hope you get to enjoy the Easter/long weekend as well, or at least moments of it 

66Mustang

@l_volunteer

Thank you for the message.

I think it is a good point about balancing my time alone and with people. I am trying quite hard to not stay upstairs all the time, but also not spending all the time downstairs as things get too intense then.

I don’t have a treat planned this time but I think I am going to get myself something. Since I have stopped eating snacks every day and drinking as much alcohol I have a little bit of extra money so I don’t feel bad for treating myself at other times.

I don’t really want to trouble people with the other problems, and also, I don’t think that they are problems that people can help with via the internet unfortunately. However thank you for asking.

66Mustang

@Alex_Scope sorry I seemed to have missed responding to your post even though I seem to have placed a “like” on it so not sure how that happened

Thank you very much though

Alex_Alumni

That's quite alright! Hope the day is going well so far?

I've got lovely sunshine here, which always makes the day feel easier to manage to me

66Mustang

I’m not too bad, a few wobbles from the relative but mostly OK. We have sunshine here as well which is nice

66Mustang

@Teddybear12 thanks for the encouragement it’s a she but she is here until approximately Tuesday

I actually just had a nice chat with them over a Prosecco, just gone upstairs to the toilet and to check Scope then time for dinner

66Mustang

Great weather here too @woodbine not too hot but just right.

Lisatho11987777

Me and mum got covid so we aren't sble to celebrate  mum spends most of the time sleeping and I sm struggling moveung around we will save our easter eggs untill we are better 

66Mustang

@lisathomas50 good idea saving the Easter eggs as you will enjoy them more when you are well, I hope you get better soon.