Orgasm difficulty

readergal
readergal Community member Posts: 3 Listener
edited May 2022 in Relationships
My bf has issues coming to an orgasm with me bc of his CP. Is there anything I can do to help. He can only cum by masturbation and it doesn't work for me to help or give oral. Just looking for advice here....

Comments

  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,443 Championing
    Welcome to the community @readergal :) It's great to have you with us!

    This isn't my area of expertise, so I'm not entirely sure what advice to give. I'll tag @Richard_Scope in here in case he can point you in the direction of some advice or support. I also hope that another member who's been through something similar will find your post soon. 

    Has he been to the GP to check that everything's working as it should? 
  • Leo_Aces
    Leo_Aces Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 104 Contributor
    Good morning @readergal, Thanks for feeling ok to share this in the safe space of this forum 😊
    First of all, I would suggest that perhaps you and your boyfriend may want to not forcus so much on achieving orgasm. The funny thing about our bodies is that it's very difficult to reach climax under pressure! 

    Perhaps together, you and your boyfriend could spend more time foreplaying and just try to put orgasms to the back of your heads. The more relaxed you guys are, the more likely climax will happen naturally 
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,443 Championing
    Great point @Leo_Aces :) 
  • readergal
    readergal Community member Posts: 3 Listener
    He's been checked out. He told me his CP makes it hard to cum, but that he feels close sometimes. It has to do with his leg muscles. It's more my issue than his. I c multiple times, but o feel like I'm not satisfying him. I just want him to feel the release I get...
  • Leo_Aces
    Leo_Aces Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 104 Contributor
    @readergal The mind is very powerful! If you're boyfriend is aware that you feel guilty about him not climaxing, it will affect his ability to do so! 

    Try to relax and enjoy the intimacy 🥰
  • Siwheels73
    Siwheels73 Scope Member Posts: 743 Pioneering
    @readergal although I do not have CP, my wife and I have battled similar issues. We both have disabilities but have found that communication and humour can certainly help. There are plenty of ways of having fun without the "ending".
  • Richard_Scope
    Richard_Scope Posts: 3,631 Cerebral Palsy Network
    Some great points from @Leo_Aces, @readergal and I echo them. I know from my experiences that orgasm can sometimes cause intense muscle spasms and perhaps your boyfriend is preempting this happening?

    There may also be some performance anxiety at play here as well. He can cum when he masturbates because he is not trying to impress himself.

    As @Leo_Aces has said, try to create a situation where intimacy and exploration are the focus and not the end result.
  • readergal
    readergal Community member Posts: 3 Listener
    Good advice, I will try next time to not worry about the outcome
  • JustPete
    JustPete Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 303 Empowering
    I believe this is a real issue for many people with CP.  Too much spasm gets in the way.  Drugs the relax spasm cannot differentiate between which muscles to relax.  Meds to help climax tend to increase spasm.  I have spoken to my Neurologist about this.

    I am going to the Adult CP Hub in UCLH in July.  This will be a question I pose to them.

    I have said on this Community before that aspects of our lives are overlooked because we have Cerebral Palsy and professionals just don't get so many of our issues.
  • Richard_Scope
    Richard_Scope Posts: 3,631 Cerebral Palsy Network
    Hi @JustPete
    I am going to the same event in July at the Royal Society of Medicine, not UCLH. I wouldn't want you going to the wrong place!
    So, from your post, do you think that muscle relaxants, like Baclofen, have actually impeded your sexual enjoyment?
  • JustPete
    JustPete Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 303 Empowering
    Hey @Richard_Scope
    What event? I'd be interested to know and possibly attend if it's not invite only?  PM is you prefer.

    Mine is an appointment at the HUB - I will double check that it is UCLH now!!

    Yes, muscle relaxants have definitely impeded things. As they say, timing is everything(!) so I try to create a window between taking meds and sexual enjoyment.  It is an inexact science.
  • Richard_Scope
    Richard_Scope Posts: 3,631 Cerebral Palsy Network
    Hi @JustPete
    Apologies, I may have gotten confused. Adult CP Hub is a charity and I am attending an event with them in July. You were referring to the Cerebral Palsy team at UCLH weren't you?
  • JustPete
    JustPete Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 303 Empowering
    @Richard_Scope I was!
  • Phil0110
    Phil0110 Community member Posts: 12 Listener
    edited July 2022
     Did you try using sex toys? Maybe you need smth for stimulation, I can advise **** rings [Removed by Moderator: Advertising] I have the second one. Unreal asset! vibrations are the the strongest we have came across. The quality is excellent and easy to put on. Don't forget sex is a process and should bring a pleasure and not always end point - orgasm

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