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Son finding school difficult

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s0phxx_
s0phxx_ Community member Posts: 6 Listener
edited May 2022 in Education
Hi, my son has autism and he's finding school very difficult atm. He hasn't been to school now for around 5 weeks, (he has been poorly during this time) i have been taking him to school for an earlier time as school wanted me to try him on early starts to lighten his anxiety. 
I take him and he is just so scared and frightened. He gets very upset and school can see this, I'm still stood outside with him at 10am trying to get him to go in but he's just so scared. The teachers ask me to 'pick him up and put him in' which I refuse to do as he's already destressed and I used to pick him up and physically put him into the school but he was lashing out at me and I was hurting my back doing so. 
I've asked school if he can possibly start later or do a reduce timetable but they are not replying to my emails. I have also now put in a complaint to the headteacher and school govs to raise some concerns I have. 
I have also been in touch with the education about this and I'm worried about my sons attendance and him missing out on education when he is already behind. They have been in touch with school who have said that my son doesn't display the behaviours I've said (i have video proof of him outside school doing it) and that they are worried as i just haven't been taking him. The school have lied as i have been taking him for 8.35 and have spoken to staff when i have tried to get him to go in!
is there anything anybody can recommend me to do or try? 
I have put in for an EHCP and hope that it will be approved. My son has alot of other needs which other professionals have said he needs an EHCP really to have suppport in place and to be able to move him to a different school that can support his needs.
My family think i can have school done on Discrimation.  
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Comments

  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,508 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hi @s0phxx_ :) I'm sorry to hear about the situation you have with your son, and that the school don't appear to be as supportive as they could be. 

    I hope that the complaint brings about some positive change, and that you can secure some support for your son through an EHCP. 

    I'm wondering whether you might like to connect with @bexter73, @Popdiva43, @missxminks, and @kelly2291, as they've all posted about similar experiences very recently. 

    You may also find the following pages helpful: 
    Have you tried speaking to his school's SENCo? They can sometimes be more understanding and helpful than someone who might have less of an understanding of autism and anxiety. 

    Is your son receiving enough support from his GP, or another medical professional, to help him with his anxiety? 

    National Campaigns Officer at Scope, she/her

  • Popdiva43
    Popdiva43 Community member Posts: 170 Pioneering
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    @s0phxx_good afternoon I fill your pain, I have a 15 year old son who refuses to go to school, due to his anxiety, but today was a good day and he went to school, I'm being taken to court nexy month because of his attendance, his been sent home quite a few times due to him having anxiety attacks, but they didn't want to say that, they said he was poorly, but schools should know what an anxiety is,been asking school to ring me about this, as has no friends and being bullied, but hardly a response, but I had a welfare officer at my door, wanting to talk to my son, he stood next to me,but wouldn't talk to them, and all they said to him was you need to be in school or your mums going to be in trouble, may even go to jail because you can't be bothered to go to school.Thats when I said that's not what is happening, his having trouble and having attacks, response don't care need to be in school. 
  • s0phxx_
    s0phxx_ Community member Posts: 6 Listener
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    Hi @s0phxx_ :) I'm sorry to hear about the situation you have with your son, and that the school don't appear to be as supportive as they could be. 

    I hope that the complaint brings about some positive change, and that you can secure some support for your son through an EHCP. 

    I'm wondering whether you might like to connect with @bexter73, @Popdiva43, @missxminks, and @kelly2291, as they've all posted about similar experiences very recently. 

    You may also find the following pages helpful: 
    Have you tried speaking to his school's SENCo? They can sometimes be more understanding and helpful than someone who might have less of an understanding of autism and anxiety. 

    Is your son receiving enough support from his GP, or another medical professional, to help him with his anxiety? 
    Thank you for your comment Tori.
    I have spoken to the SENco yes and they don't seem to be understanding of my sons needs. Ive spoken too them about the EHCP before i had to do it myself as they said that my son needs didn't fit the criteria for an EHCP but i was told by other professionals involved with my son that he needed one. Its very draining atm. School keep cancelling any meetings that i have booked in. 
    Our GP is been great though.

  • s0phxx_
    s0phxx_ Community member Posts: 6 Listener
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    Popdiva43 said:
    @s0phxx_good afternoon I fill your pain, I have a 15 year old son who refuses to go to school, due to his anxiety, but today was a good day and he went to school, I'm being taken to court nexy month because of his attendance, his been sent home quite a few times due to him having anxiety attacks, but they didn't want to say that, they said he was poorly, but schools should know what an anxiety is,been asking school to ring me about this, as has no friends and being bullied, but hardly a response, but I had a welfare officer at my door, wanting to talk to my son, he stood next to me,but wouldn't talk to them, and all they said to him was you need to be in school or your mums going to be in trouble, may even go to jail because you can't be bothered to go to school.Thats when I said that's not what is happening, his having trouble and having attacks, response don't care need to be in school. 
    Hi @Popdiva43 so sorry to hear that, that sounds very stressful for you and your son. No need for school to speak to your son like that in front of you, using scaring tactics isn't going to help him go to school it will only heighten his anxiety's. Schools just don't seem to have a big understanding or support around mental health or emotional struggles. School have seen what my son is like and don't even try and help me get him into school, i mentioned to the headteacher that my son had tried to self harm and she didn't even ask if he was okay. Just said his absence was going down as unauthorised. 
  • Alex_Alumni
    Alex_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 7,561 Disability Gamechanger
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    Hello @s0phxx_ I'm so sorry to hear about the impact this has been having on your son's mental health.

    We'd like to be able to support you as much as we are able to, so please keep an eye out for an email from community@scope.org.uk a little later on today.
    Online Community Coordinator
    Scope

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