Nervous

66Mustang

I have to go to a social gathering with 7 people tomorrow (to celebrate the Queen's jubilee).

I am nervous because it's not at my house so I don't have a room to "escape" to if I need some time away. For example if people start arguing or peoples moods change for the worse or something like that.

It will be for about 12 hours in total I think, 8 hours plus a 2 hour drive each way.

I am also worrying about the drive even though I'm not doing the driving, because the dog is coming so we need to use a bigger car which is older - I worry about breaking down as I can't travel in taxis without the specific person who is driving being with me, however they would have to stay with the car so I'd be a bit stuck. Also to complicate things the dog would be in the car. Hopefully that doesn't happen!

Thanks for any help or suggestions!!

janer1967

I'm sure everyone will be in a good mood and celebraring rather than arguing 

Thr chance of breakdown is very slim and I'm sure arrangements could be made for them to get you home 

Try not to let your anxiety get in the way of having a good time 

You could always escape to go and sit in the car for a bit 

Sandy_123

Hi @66Mustang hopefully all will be OK,  if the dog does go you can maybe take it for a walk in the local area, to get away for a bit

Biblioklept

I'm so sorry if my talk about breaking down and stuff has scared you or put the idea in your head @66Mustang!! I'm sure it will all be okay. 7 hours is a long time but plan some time to yourself afterwards. Maybe they will have a seat outside or inside that is a bit quieter so you can have some down time during it. Are there usually arguments?

66Mustang

Hi everyone and thank you for the comments.

@teddybear12 thank you, yes it’s someone else’s house. I’m sure they would let me go to a spare room but I just don’t feel like I’m able to ask. I guess the option is there  though. Maybe if I get bad I will feel differently about not being able to ask but hopefully that doesn’t happen!

@janer1967 thanks for the post and for the logical comments as I know what I’m worrying about is illogical/unlikely, good to put some logic back into it!!

@sandy_123 yes that’s a good idea about the dog, he won’t get a walk all day tomorrow otherwise so that’s a good excuse to take him out.

@biblioklept No it wasn’t your comment that made me worry! There’s not all-out arguments no but a couple of family members who will be there have iffy tempers and can get moody, which makes me feel uncomfortable. Hopefully they will be all right.

chiarieds

I hope you can enjoy your day tomorrow @66Mustang -  think how much you've achieved getting through difficult days previously, & how even your grumpy relative was OK recently. You can do this, as ever I have every confidence in you.

Perhaps looking out for interesting cars whilst travelling will make the time pass by more quickly.....or you can always resort to playing 'I spy.' When there, going for dog walks sounds like a great idea.

66Mustang

Thank you @chiarieds

I’m unsure if you saw or not - I don’t know if you read the “What are you doing today?” thread - but my “grumpy” relative is actually in the process of moving house to live near us. She is a lot happier with the prospect of that as I think one of the reasons she was generally grumpy was that she felt isolated and that there was no-one close by to help her with tasks.

It also means that we will see her more often, but in shorter bursts, as she will not need to sleep over for several nights. This is ideal as she gets grumpier after being with people for a few days (she divorced in her 20s and has lived alone since, and is not used to living with people).

The long and the short of it is that she is in a much better mood these days so I really hope that goes on for a long time.

chiarieds

Hi @66Mustang - yes, I did read that your grumpy relative is moving to near you, so you'll then only have 'short doses' of her. If she's happier, then hopefully that too will work out well.

66Mustang

@woodbine thanks for the message, I think there is more benefit to going though. We will be seeing some elderly friends who we may never see again due to my relative moving away from the area so this may be my last chance to see them - I hope not but you never know. Also people have gone to so much effort making food for the day and I don’t want to let them down. Thank you for the suggestion though as it was worth considering, just I think going outweighs not going in this case.

Biblioklept

Sometimes I think it's easier to avoid and not go but it makes it harder to go in the long term. I learnt the hard way that avoiding things I found difficult helps in the short term but makes the problem worse as you get less exposure and can handle it less and less. I think it's amazing that you find it difficult but can still see the benefit and aren't letting it hold you back.

Biblioklept

Have a good time @66Mustang. Just a tip if you do struggle, try and think of 5 things. Like 5 things that you're enjoying while being there which can be easy like specific food or people or a conversation. Any type of 5 things to help ground you in the moment and see some of the positive. Like look for something funny in the day so far. Something unexpected that you enjoyed. Something to look forward to like you know they're serving a certain food later or the drive home. 

It's similar to how they say about listening to your senses when anxious (name something you can smell, hear, feel and stuff) but I find that heightens my discomfort because it's the fact there's so much noise and things to look at and be aware of that is bothering me. 

And if it all goes badly just remind yourself it is only temporary. In less than half a day you will be back where you feel comfortable. You can handle anything for 12 hours. 

SueHeath

You've got this @66Mustang your getting so much better with handling these situations, it's the build up to it now you have to work on and you have already started that process with your kind thoughts about the friends your visiting.
Have a GREAT day xx

66Mustang

Hello everyone and thank you for all the fantastic advice and kind words and support.

We are now setting off at 11am so have a bit of time to browse Scope and do other things.

Hopefully it will be a nice day

bg844

Hope everything works out okay for you @66Mustang
Good Luck!

66Mustang

Thank you very much @bg844 I really appreciate it.

Sandy_123

Good luck @66Mustang hope the weather stays nice 

66Mustang

@Sandy_123 thanks it’s pretty dull here but not raining yet, however I think it’s due to rain heavily today where we are going so the plan is to have it indoors I think. 

66Mustang

Just having 5 mins away but it’s going OK

66Mustang

Thanks @Teddybear12

Biblioklept

Good news I'm glad you got there safely!

Sandy_123

Glad your enjoying it @66Mustang