Sex Problems and Cerebral Palsy

Katie1504

Hey! Not sure if this is the right place to ask.  But I could do with some advice.  I have CP and 40 years old.  I had my first sexual experience last year with someone I met online.  He hadn't got cp but was visually impaired. Unfortunately things didn't go to plan as he couldn't penetrate me and said I was too tight down there. (Which I was expecting being my first time) But it's was impossible. Plus I have problems with hips so find some positions virtually impossible. We tried on several occasions but it ended up with him saying he no longer wanted to date me and that I should see a sex therapist. Just wondering if there any other females with CP who have had the same type of experience and any advice. As I would love to try dating again but don't want to end up with the same happening again and end up feeling rubbish.  Thanks in advance for any advice you can offer. 

Leo_Aces

Hello @Katie1504, As a Transgender Man with CP and a female history, I can understand your situation. 

I would say relaxing in key and also feel safe, comfortable and confident. This needs to be a case in any situation when you are being intement with anybody. 

Having sex for the first time is no small thing and very often for many, it's pretty uneventful! This perfectly normally. Having a disability like Cerebral Palsy can add another little layer of complexity. For me, if I feel strong emotion, neves, excited etc, my body will tense more. If this is relatable to you, you might want to try relaxation techniques. Deep breathing, a body scan, mediation. 

The other thing I would suggest is masturbation. You may already do this but it will help you to learn about your body and what you do and do not like. 

Hope this helps

Tori_Scope

I'd agree with the above comments, and say I'm sorry to hear that you had this experience @Katie1504. I can see why it might have made you feel a but rubbish, though it's of course not your fault at all. 

When you find the right partner, you should hopefully be able to explore what you (and they) enjoy sexually in a safe and supportive way. This could be penetrative sex, but it could be a whole host of other things too! 

I'd echo @Leo_Aces advice to perhaps try masturbating, if you haven't already. This can be a good way of working out what you enjoy, as well as finding out what different sensations feel like. For example, you could try penetrating yourself with your finger/s, or a toy. 

I'd also suggest that you use some kind of lubricant (lube) when trying penetration. This can help the object go in more easily. 

Though it's perfectly normal to be a bit tense or 'tight', especially during your first sexual experiences, if this is something you're worried about, you could always speak to your GP about it. 

I know it's much easier said than done, but try not to worry too much about it! Many, many people experience this, and you deserve to be with someone who's willing to go at your pace, and discover with you what you enjoy. 

Katie1504

Thank you all for the advice.  Yes @Leo_Aces I can totally relate to the body tensing due to emotion.  @Tori_Scope I have tried toys and with some lube I am able to insert those including ones probably bigger than his penis.  But unfortunately the person I was with would only use lube when he needed it and wouldn't take up my suggestion.  I think because he was more experienced than myself. I'm hoping it was just a compatibility issue and he wasn't the right person.  I will try some of the techniques and hope my next time won't be as bad. As you can imagine it was just worrying me a little.  Fingers crossed I'll find someone kinder next time.

Biblioklept

Katie1504 said:

 We tried on several occasions but it ended up with him saying he no longer wanted to date me and that I should see a sex therapist.

I just wanted to say how awful that is of him and he doesn't sound like a very nice person. Don't let it knock your confidence @Katie1504!! As you've said you're able to use toys it sounds like any problem may be more with him. Did the two of you spend much time on foreplay or other things to relax you both?

Katie1504

@Biblioklept Thank you!   I must admit it has knocked my confidence a bit.  Nothing like lying in bed after with a person facing away from you not talking to you to do that. Yeah we did have foreplay.but probably looking back probaby not enough.  In a way I'm glad it happen as it showed me he wasn't the person I thought he was.  Hopefully I'll find someone nice next time.

Biblioklept

That's a very immature response from him and I wonder if it was embarrassment on his part for not being able to. Either way he doesn't sound great and to end things over it is at best an overreaction!
Don't let it knock you and know you're brilliant and will find someone it works well with.