Advice please? I want to drop my hours at work

Rin1472

Hello,

I have a lot going on, and would really appreciate some external advice please. 

I’m diagnosed with autism, ADHD and extreme anxiety. I am medicated, but I still struggle, especially in the evenings. I’ve recently discovered a few suspicious things on my skin. I showed the GP, which is a big thing for me, and they booked me in to have them removed and tested within two weeks. That minor op is today, and I’m honestly terrified. 

As it’s minor, I’ve only taken today off work. I’m support staff in a beautiful, tiny school. However, I’m already struggling to cope at school. I’ve recently requested to drop my hours, and have had that request approved, but until the end of this term I’m still on my old hours. I put on a good show, but honestly, I dream about crashing on the way in to work just so I don’t have to go in. I don’t want to die. I just want to be injured enough to not go in. People understand physical health much more than mental health. 

So, with this minor op, I’ve been thinking about admitting my struggles to the doctor while I’m there, and getting signed off for a couple of weeks so I don’t have to deal with the pain/stitches on top of everything else, but I’m too scared, and I can’t see myself getting the words out. Then I gaslight myself and say I should just get on with it. Or I’ll be telling myself I’m letting everyone down. Or people will think I’m lazy and a layabout. 

So now I feel forced to just carry on. I just feel a bit trapped. I need some external voices to tell me their thoughts. :-(

janer1967

Hi and welcome to the community 

You should speak to your gp as it appears you are struggling.  Don't be scared they are only human and have a responsibility for your health and welfare 

Nobody considering wanting to injure themselves to avoid work should be disregarded 

leeCal

Definitely worth speaking to the GP about how you feel. 

Tori_Scope

Hi @rin1472 How did your minor procedure go today? Did you manage to speak to your doctor about how you've been feeling? 

As the others have said, it'd be best to speak to them about it if you feel able to. 

Your colleagues shouldn't feel as though you're lazy or a layabout. I sometimes find it helpful to put myself in the other person's shoes when feeling worried about this kind of thing: would I think my colleague was lazy if they took time off due to their mental health? No, I definitely wouldn't. 

Could you try speaking to your employer to see how else they could support you, too? 

Rin1472

Thank you for the advice guys. I struggle to talk about these things so I wrote it down so I had the option of ‘saying’ it. The minor op went well, although I was panicking quite a bit. The surgeon was lovely, and I felt comfortable enough to show them what I’d written. He got me an appointment immediately with my GP who sat and chatted to me for a good half an hour. They couldn’t have been more kind and understanding. 

The GP actually suggested it would be better if I’d be signed off. So, to my enormous relief, I can now spend a few weeks trying to work on my mental health and recover from the surgery. 

Tori_Scope

That's really great news @Rin1472 I bet you're glad you managed to bring it up now? 

leeCal

It was a good idea writing it down like that, well done!

janer1967

Glad you got it sorted and have some time to get over your thoughts and now you have seen how understanding they were you know you can talk to them 

Sandy_123

@Rin1472 hi there rin, well done for approaching it and getting a good out come.

Sue_Alumni

Hi @Rn1472 you should give yourself a pat on the back - or two - for dealing with the op and talking through things with the surgeon.  Well done !