Too Much to expect someone to cope with.

superstar79

I have been single now for 2 years and 8 months! My life before then was with the same man for 22 years. I was “normal “ when we met!
13 years later I was mugged and attacked which caused bleeding and swelling on my brain. The TBI left me permanently disabled and unable to ever work again!
Now I am alone and honestly can’t see anyone accepting me the way I am now! 
I miss being in a relationship and having someone to share my life with!

Tori_Scope

I'm sorry to hear that you went through such a traumatic experience @superstar79. Are you receiving enough support to help you manage the mental and physical effects of the incident? 

I can imagine that becoming single, along with the other changes to your life, will have been difficult to cope with. I just wanted to reassure you that there are plenty of disabled people in happy, fulfilling, and meaningful relationships. Being disabled doesn't mean you can't be in a relationship. 

Have you tried dating or socialising much since getting your TBI? 

superstar79

Hi Tori_Scope. Thank you for replying to my post. Since his suicide, I have been doing as I always have done. Simply get on with things and staying strong!
 That’s not to say that I am not utterly destroyed inside. Sadly I know this pain all too well, having gone through it at 13. Then my biggest heartbreak was having my soulmate taken from me when I was 18! He was murdered in front of me! Our 10 month old child was also there!
So I have lived with the silent soul destroying pain of loss.
Losing my career was so hard to come to terms with! Again I have always been thankful for everything that I have. As I know that there are too many in this world who are much worse off than I am!
My medical care is literally about controlling my pain, so repeat medications. They have all said there is nothing more that they can do and I have to live this way. 

Tori_Scope

I'm sorry that you've been through so much @superstar79. That must be an awful lot for you to handle. 

Simply get on with things and staying strong! That’s not to say that I am not utterly destroyed inside

This is a perfectly normal response to grief. People often say that your life grows around the grief you have, rather than that the grief goes away. Are you familiar with that model? 

Have you sought any emotional support to help you process the mugging attack you experienced? 

Have you accessed any support, such as counselling, to help you process your grief after your partner's suicide? 

Have you spoken to anyone about the murder of your ex-partner, or sought any help to allow you to work through your feelings about it? 

I was also wondering whether your child has enough support, as they were also present during the murder?

Sorry for all of the questions!

Here are some organisations that you might want to contact if you feel you need someone to talk to:

• Cruse bereavement support: call 0808 808 1677, or use their web chat
• Facing the Future
• Survivors Of Bereavement By Suicide (SOBS): email email.support@uksobs.org, or find a local support group
• Victim Support: call 08 08 16 89 111, or use their live web chat
• Victim Support homicide service: call 0300 303 1984, or request support online
• Ministry of Justice victim and witness support service

Tori_Scope

Hi @superstar79 I was just wondering how you've been getting on since you last posted here? 

confusednewt

I’m so sorry to hear this. I want to remind you you are worthy of love regardless of being disabled. If your health/disability is ever too much for someone and they’ve told you that, or you find their no longer attracted to you because of that (which you can’t change) they are simply the wrong person for you. My ex is able bodied and neurotypical but they didn’t have any issue with my health issues or disability. They may not of understood it and not really educated themselves behind the scenes other than what I disclosed to them and their experience of me but that wasn’t a factor in our breakup or cause for any of the the issues we ever had. Saying that, I think going forward I am going to steer towards actually dating other people that are neurodiverse people and definitely others with disability or history of mental health themeselves because I want to be understood and whilst they could sympathise sometimes with my feelings they ultimately didn’t understand me, or have the life experience to help themselves or me and I think if they did and were aware they have undiagnosed mental health themselves and sought therapy and support themselves we’d probably still be together, but they didn’t want to admit that or seek help whereas I actively get therapy and medication to help me! People are out there don’t worry, it’s just finding them and pushing yourself to find others similar to you!