Hi, my name is Daniel I'm facing some challenges with my daughter's behaviour. Any advice?

01dabull

I am a single Father of a 10 year old girl and my life is a complete and utterly misery. 
It breaks my heart to feel like this as my daughter was also my best friend and I will do anything for her but it seems I am constantly at war with her at the moment amd our bond is fading day by day. Everyday is a battle and I am both physically and emotionally drained. 
Her behaviour lately has reached a whole new level of abysmal. 
My family and I have just got back from a family planned holiday to Orlando Florida (Disney World) which we thought would be a real treat for her, but whilst we were there, we didn't have a single day without her causing arguments  being hurtful and damb right spiteful to everyone.
She turned the happiest place on earth into the worst holiday I've ever been on. 
My Mum, Dad, Sister and I have all be reduced to tears by her recent actions in America. 
She was even threatened to be taught a lesson by a female Sheriff. 
The shame I felt and still feel is awful. 

The things she does include:

- Relentless questioning (The same question over and over again)
- Not accepting any answer to any topic
- Shouting / Screaming
- Destroying her toys
- A detachment from reality 
- Not following simple instructions
- Deliberately upsetting people
- Bad manners
- Rude towards everyone


(More seriously)

- Cruelty towards the Cat
- violent towards my parents
- Screams obscenities such as "They're going to hit me" in public 
- Talking about people in public but in a way in which they can obviously hear
- Suicidal comments 
- Wishing others dead
- Laughing at people when they get angry with her
- Violent towards school staff
- Very hurtful towards other students

(I've missed loads out but there are just so many, I dont think I have enough space left to type)

I am at a point where I can't even have a conversation with her anymore. I feel lost and hopeless as nothing I do improves her state of mind. 
She has lots of support at school and councillors but that doesn't seem to have helped in the slightest. In fact, it's got worse. 

I am out of ideas. I hate to have to share this with people but I dont know what else to do. Is there any advice anyone can recommend. 

Kind regards

Daniel 

janer1967

Hi and welcome to the community 

I would speak to her gp in the first instance in case it could be a medical condition or contact children's social services for advice 

Alex_Alumni

Hello and welcome @01dabull and thank you for reaching out, I can see this has been a very difficult thing to write about, but it's such a positive step to talk about this. 

I'm sorry to hear about what you, your daughter and your family have been going through lately, it really can't be easy not knowing what could help. We'd like to support you as much as we can with this, so keep an eye out for an email from community@scope.org.uk for more information. 

You might like to head over to these categories to share your experience with other members who might be going through similar things: Children, Parents and Families, Education and Autism and Neurodiversity.

In the meantime I've marked your post here as unanswered so that our members can share their thoughts with you more easily. 

Let us know if we can help with anything further. 

Alex

Sandy_123

@01dabull hi there, welcome to the forum, firstly your doing a great job,  I would talk to your daughter when your both feeling relaxed, about all the things that's been happening. She may be going through puberty, I agree with Jane, about talking to the gp. 

poppy123456

I'm not a medical expert so can't give any medical advice. I agree with janer here and would speak to her GP. It may not just be her being naughty or misbehaving, there could be something else going on here, such as mental health/ASD/ADHD etc etc.

If her school are aware of her issues have the ever talked to you about referring her for an assessment for ASD/ADHD? If i was her parent then i'd be looking at this route.

There's some links here regarding ASD and ADHD, it would be useful for you to have a read of those.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/autism/signs/children/

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/diagnosis/diagnostic-criteria

https://www.staffordshire.gov.uk/Education/Access-to-learning/Graduated-response-toolkit/School-toolkit/Communication-and-interaction/Social-communication-autism/SEN-support-in-school/Autism-in-Girls-checklist.pdf

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd/

Biblioklept

Please remember whatever is going on, she's not meaning too and it isn't personal against you. Underneath is she still loves you very much Hope things get better for you all soon

Karen7788

I often think that if someone’s behaviour is having a massive negative effect on the people who love them that they must be feeling absolutely awful too. 

I agree with the other comments, make a F2F appointment with your GP, write everything down before you go so that you don’t forget anything and if possible take another adult with you for support.
I hope your daughter, yourself and your family get the support and help that you desperately need.

L_Volunteer

Another really insightful and supportive thread! Thanks everyone for contributing to a supportive and friendly space.

If anyone does need further support please don't hesitate to reach out to us. We are all here for you 

and15

Hi David I'm so sorry for you but she does really love you.the behaviour is a reaction to anxiety and a need to communicate distress.you have to be both detective and recorder,detective looking for both subtle and not so subtle behaviours and recorder sccuratley recording date/time and context of what happens (context really important as it prevent professionals ruling out "she's just tired or stressed because of x or y".when I went to the gp I went with a statement 5 pages long and when I the multi agency autism assessment started I went with a 98 page statement of events I had written down in a page a day diary covering everything which was unusual or concerning.it sounds alot but it does help massively in getting the help needed.
I hope you and your daughter get some support soon