I lost my home due to benefits fraud, developed PTSD due to the process, and am so lost...
Basically, I went abroad for a vacation of a month to a love I found online in India, but she got pregnant. So, I stayed months longer to care for her and provide support - she lives in a slum and her conditions are awful. I was there, too, and the rats will bite your feet at night! However, as I wasn't at my address any more, which a relative was subletting to somebody without my knowledge, I was investigated for corporate fraud and being abroad. All my benefits were suspended, my arrears were in the thousands, and I was advised to surrender my property or else they would seek prosecution. My bank exchange was closed due to money laundering, too, so I couldn't transfer money during a medical emergency - my partner's father died...
I applied for a visitor visa for my partner to come to the UK with me, so I could comfortably return, but it was declined. Again and again. Ultimately, I returned to the UK, attended an interview where I had to pay back £5000, and also be without any home to need emergency accommodation. My benefits were reinstated, but I'm nervous they will be stopped at any time, I have PTSD my whole life is at the mercy of these people - any basic survival. I've lost my home, I don't have my son or partner with me. Plus, they are absolutely dependent on my support, no matter how it's attained - it's literally them not eating or not.
Now, immigration rules need me to have a home to apply for my partner and child to come here, apparently to show they'll be secure, but their current residence is much more dangerous - murder every other week, even from the police! So, even if it's temporary accommodation, I feel they'll be much more safe? I also don't currently have the money, too, to apply for a visa - it's over £2000!!!
I can't visit my partner or child, too, or else l will have the original fraud problem in all probability... It's torture to be away from them... I also can't visit them, too, without being a criminal and all due to my foolish love originally! It's not possible, too, to bring them to the UK - immigration rules are not only tough and expensive, they are deliberately confusing.
I know I'm bad, I've messed up, but nobody will employ me as another solution - I'm crazy to most people at first impression! Anxious, manic - when my mind isn't wandering to forget everything! I've had DLA all my time, most likely due to severe brain injury as a baby... How else am I supposed to be sure of money to protect and provide for my family? Nobody will employ me, I'm scared to even head outside or talk to anybody else!
You will think I'm a monster, I know, but I'm seriously lost at any other way to support my family. I can't bring them to the UK legally or reasonably, I can't go to India without fraud or embracing dangerous poverty (lacking money there is another situation entirely)... My mental health is awful, I feel I'm in a dilemma and it's all from original mistakes made while not of the most sound mind...
For context, I have a plethora of mental conditions, which can affect my identity and sense of time, but I don't think these means I shouldn't have a family or seek love - no matter where that is!!!
I'm willing to accept being without money and deprived of any dignity, another rotting corpse on the back streets, but what about my child? I'm having flashbacks he'll die like my father in law when they froze my money! My child is dependent on me, they could literally kill him from these decisions and it's all because I have no idea how to make money independently from only ever bring inside this system?
What happened to support, too? I use to have so many therapists and psychiatrists, but this all changed as I turned 18. At least I never went out of my way to become a criminal and hurt people as my friends did? Thankfully, I isolated myself to avoid drugs, crime and other vices, but it seems I'm ultimately just as bad in other ways.
I'm also paranoid the DWP are watching, always. They have given me paranoia, anxiety and vulnerability unlike anything else in my life - they are truly the powerful overlords who make or break my life! I always have nightmares and flashbacks to their investigation!
