Autism - cannot talk without distressing other people — Scope | Disability forum
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Autism - cannot talk without distressing other people

Commanded2bwell
Commanded2bwell Community member Posts: 78 Courageous
edited December 2022 in Autism and neurodiversity
I was diagnosed autistic late in life. It explained a lot, but by then a lot of damage was done, such as the total collapse of my social life, and my ostracism from many of the people and places where I used to socialise. Covid has, of course, made all this worse. I am on a very late learning curve, figuring out all the individual details of what makes me so hard to tolerate. 

Came across another, recently, and I simply don't know what to do about it. 

I have begun to notice something which has obviously been happening for a long time: sometimes... not all the time, but sometimes... when I talk for longer than a couple of seconds, people start to frown, to look as though they have a headache, to look away or move away, to start doing things as though not paying attention. 

I initially thought this reaction correlated with me talking about something I was interested in, and so I had probably become fast paced, monotonic, loud. But, it happened again, tonight, twice, and on both occasions it was a subject of general interest, I was feeling very relaxed and calm and thought, to myself, that I was talking in a calm and easy way about something inconsequential. 

Apparently I was getting loud and was talking too fast and was delivering too much information. And this has distressed me a great deal, because I really, really felt I was slow and relaxed. But it seems that my natural slow and relaxed pace of life is still faster and louder than everyone elses.

And I really don't know what, if anything, can be done about this. 

I'm feeling quite upset that I'm basically poison to everyone, now. They show the signs of physical pain just listening to me. And that was when I thought I was going slowly!

What do I do? Is there someone to talk to who understands this and can fix it? Do I just shut up for the rest of my life? 

Honestly, shutting up is starting to sound like my only option. Can't even discuss the weather without triggering this reaction. And I really don't realise that I'm doing it, and can't feel the difference between doing it, and not doing it.
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  • Middleton
    Middleton Community member Posts: 131 Courageous
    edited September 2022
    I was diagnosed autistic late in life. It explained a lot, but by then a lot of damage was done, such as the total collapse of my social life, and my ostracism from many of the people and places where I used to socialise. Covid has, of course, made all this worse. I am on a very late learning curve, figuring out all the individual details of what makes me so hard to tolerate. 

    Came across another, recently, and I simply don't know what to do about it. 

    I have begun to notice something which has obviously been happening for a long time: sometimes... not all the time, but sometimes... when I talk for longer than a couple of seconds, people start to frown, to look as though they have a headache, to look away or move away, to start doing things as though not paying attention. 

    I initially thought this reaction correlated with me talking about something I was interested in, and so I had probably become fast paced, monotonic, loud. But, it happened again, tonight, twice, and on both occasions it was a subject of general interest, I was feeling very relaxed and calm and thought, to myself, that I was talking in a calm and easy way about something inconsequential. 

    Apparently I was getting loud and was talking too fast and was delivering too much information. And this has distressed me a great deal, because I really, really felt I was slow and relaxed. But it seems that my natural slow and relaxed pace of life is still faster and louder than everyone elses.

    And I really don't know what, if anything, can be done about this. 

    I'm feeling quite upset that I'm basically poison to everyone, now. They show the signs of physical pain just listening to me. And that was when I thought I was going slowly!

    What do I do? Is there someone to talk to who understands this and can fix it? Do I just shut up for the rest of my life? 

    Honestly, shutting up is starting to sound like my only option. Can't even discuss the weather without triggering this reaction. And I really don't realise that I'm doing it, and can't feel the difference between doing it, and not doing it.
    You just described my life in a nutshell..lol   My way now(and i cant always be successful) is to filter what im going to say. As i just mentioned, i cant always control this. Depends what mood im in etc...but in general ,the faces and reactions you see in people, ive seen for the longest time. And as you mentioned, alot of our previous life now makes more sense to a degree..(post diagnosis)


    Im actually learning not to be too hard on myself because often i find neurotypical people quite annoying...very infact...lol .As they also have their quirks( just generalising) 

    Small talk i find false...and to an average neurotypical, anything more deep is met with suspicion...😂🤨

    I do actually tend to see alot of falsity within the typical world. Neighbours talking such drivel at times and i sit there thinking " I know what you told me about that person when i first moved to the area" and i just find it all false and a veneer of normality. So on my better days, i can actually feel contented not being a part of it..

    And if others are on another keel or vibe to us(you), then so be it...Unless youre in a very heightened state, then even i can understand that, can come across as off putting to most. This is why i try not to take peoples reactions too heart so much...but this isnt always the case... Its an ongoing battle to be honest.

    Im a little more ok now with peoples reactions at times, when ive been quite rapid. And as you mentioned, i actually thought i was being calm..lol

    Im learning not to expect too much from people(not saying you are)

    Lastly... i have had the fortune of meeting on the fly and just out of nowhere, some amazing kind people.. Genuinely nice people...
    And felt a 2 way connection with them, without any stress or odd reaction from them..

    I can maybe say ,10-15 people in my lifetime have been like this with me..And i carry that , as someone for once actually got me and freely connected and a moment was shared. Reciprocally!

    I certainly dont have all the answers and tomorrow i may not be at my best and may not want to talk at all..lol  but just know youre not alone...Though it often feels like it..and sometimes we are..but there are others like you out there..lol

    All the best.
      

Brightness

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