ED and fantasies

knowledgeseeker2022
knowledgeseeker2022 Online Community Member Posts: 2 Listener
in Relationships

Hi

I am a carer, i have several chronic illnesses/disabilities which could prevent erectile function and suffer from fatigue.I am also in my late 50's, taking 10mg of tadalafil daily, I always liked sex and needed sex a stress relief, but now I can not get an erection unless I have sexual fantasies about my wife having sex with another man.We used to be swingers and sleep with other people, but I always liked seeing my wife with another man having sex. She now has physical and mental health problems due to a trauma we suffered in 2012 and swinging is out of the question now.

But I need sex and she is happy to have sex, but I need a solution to my problem, as just thoughts do not always work, but it is all that helps or talk sexy which my wife is not willing to do. Counselling only would work if it is free and online as i live in extremely rural Scotland.

Thanks

Comments

  • Leo_Aces
    Leo_Aces Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 104 Contributor
    Good morning @knowledgeseeker2022, I’m sorry to hear that you are having difficulties. Have you considered speaking to your GP about this to rule out anything physical? 
  • knowledgeseeker2022
    knowledgeseeker2022 Online Community Member Posts: 2 Listener
    Yes they did investigations and i am on the waiting list for urology department, it is them who gave me the medicine.
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,452 Championing
    Welcome to the community @knowledgeseeker2022 :) 

    It sounds like both you and your partner are finding things quite challenging at the moment. Thank you for reaching out to us.

    I found a page on the mygov.scot website about accessing relationship counselling in Scotland, which you might find helpful. 

    Is your partner currently accessing any support to help them with their own mental health? 

    Other than that, I'd encourage you to have an open and honest conversation with your partner about how you've been feeling, and give her the space to talk about how she's been feeling too. Those kinds of conversations can be tough, but it can be a really good way of finding solutions that work for you both. I imagine that your communication skills are pretty good, if you took part in swinging in the past? 

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