Remaining politically neutral during General Election 2024


Under guidance from the Electoral Commission and Charity Commission, it's important that Scope remains politically neutral during General Elections.

While we understand that this period will see many passionate discussions, please make sure that your comments remain respectful of other people's opinions and keep to our online community house rules.

Bereavement

Options
MobileGames
MobileGames Community member Posts: 148 Pioneering
TRIGGER WARNING. MENTIONING DECEASED. Morning. How are you? My Mum passed away of terminal cancer last Thursday. My Sister and I are going to view her today. Even though we viewed our Dad back in February,who also died of terminal cancer,our Mum looked even creepier than our Dad when she passed away(I know that sounds horrible,but it wasn't nice to see),and I'm nervous about how she'll look,but I need to do this in order to help with the grief and help erase the horrible image that I saw when she died. She had carers come in 4 times a day,but then Shakespeare Hospice took over at the end because the carers were **** and our Mum deserved to be treated with kindness,gentleness,dignity and respect,which the Shakespeare Hospice did,that the carers were failing to do. She had a district nurse come in to see to her driver to prevent nausea and vomiting. The doctor visited twice a week. I helped Mum with Fluids and then moistened her mouth with swabs towards the end and when she threw up brown stuff the Sunday before,I would clean up her face and empty the sick bowl. I got paramedics to check her over. Her obs were fine. I told the district nurse as well and they managed to get it under control by mid Monday. I called my Sister Wednesday morning,the morning I called Shakespeare Hospice to take over from the crappy carers,and she came over and was here last Thursday as well. There was a lot going on and now it's just quiet. I now live alone and I've never lived alone in my 42 years of life. It's weird,it's lonely and I feel like Mum is watching me,judging me. I can't be in the living room for too long by myself because that is where both our parents passed away. I have the light on the landing on each night and my cat,bless her,snuggles up to me at night. I need to fill my days,otherwise I'm going to go mad with the loneliness. I've got Monday,Tuesday morning,one Wednesday afternoon every month,Thursday afternoon(I think),Friday morning/afternoon(I think),Saturday morning,every other Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning/afternoon sorted,but I'm finding it hard to find things to do for Tuesday afternoon,the other Wednesday afternoons,Thursday morning and every other Saturday afternoon. The evenings are not too bad. I can ring friends and I've got the TV and YouTube to watch on my tablet. Sorry for the long post. I needed to offload. Thank you. 

Comments

  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Disability Gamechanger
    Options
    Hi there 

    I am so sorry for your loss and the difficult time you are going through 

    My thoughts are with you 

    Please reach out for help if you need it with your grief 
  • SueHeath
    SueHeath Community member Posts: 12,420 Disability Gamechanger
    Options
    Good morning @MobileGames I am so sorry to hear about your parents, not many of us lose both Mom and Dad that close together, I really feel for you, hopefully someone can point you in the right direct if you need help with the grieving process darling. You have done well with helping to look after your Mom, i know how hard that can be. 
    You are going to find it hard today, one thing i will say for some people it can be hard to get the picture of Mom out of your brain with how she looked when she was so poorly and when she pasted, it might be an idea to find a nice photo of your Mom and perhaps your Dad in happier times, it could help to replace the bad memories, saying that it is still early days for you and i am affraid it is part of the grieving process, which no one can take that pain away.
    Do not feel alone, if the house is to quite for you put the radio on perhaps have a talking channel so you hear voices or just music to help break the silence. If you feel Mom is judgeing you talk to her photo and get things of your chest if you need to.
    Good luck with today, don't forget you have us here as well. 
  • Cher_Alumni
    Cher_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,741 Disability Gamechanger
    edited October 2022
    Options
    @MobileGames I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, all of us in the community send our deepest condolences at what must be a very hard time. It sounds like you cared lovingly for your mum right up to the end and she would have known and appreciated that. 

    It must feel very odd being alone in the house after so long with your mum for company. It's going to take a while to adapt so please be gentle and patient with yourself, it's great you have your cat for hugs  <3 Thinking some more about it, would staying over with your sister for a day or two be something you'd find helpful? If not, that's fine and I get it, but maybe give it a ponder.

    While, the wonderful organisation CRUSE provide bereavement support and have a helpline if you want to talk to someone in person or they also have an online chat if you prefer that.

    There are lots of things you could do to keep yourself occupied on those days, such as volunteering or joining a social group? You can visit the Do IT website to find volunteering opportunities close to where you live and if you tell us the kind of things you enjoy activity wise, we can brainstorm that.

    Don't forget we're here for you throughout this. If ever something pops into your head you would have laughed about with your mum, or those little conversations that made up your days too, share them with us - we can be a part of that. I know it isn't the same as with your beloved mum, but we're here for you all the same 24/7. Look after yourself.
    Online Community Co-ordinator

    Want to tell us about your experience on the online community?  Talk to our chatbot and let us know.

    Concerned about another member's safety or wellbeing? Flag your concerns with us.
  • woodbine
    woodbine Community member Posts: 11,832 Disability Gamechanger
    Options
    @MobileGames deeply sorry for your loss, Speaking personally I went to see both my mum and dad at the funeral home after they had passed away, it was on both occasions not a good experience and I wouldn't put myself through it again.
    Take care and please reach out if you need to chat x
    2024 The year of the general election...the time for change is coming 💡

  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 52,934 Disability Gamechanger
    edited October 2022
    Options
    Hi @MobileGames so sorry for your loss. Its very difficult when you loose someone close to you.
    I'm glad you have your cat, animals can bring alot of comfort in difficult times. I hope the viewing today went as you hoped it would.

    Can you stay at your sisters or your sister stay with you for a few days?  It might help. 
     
    We are always here if you want to talk, it's not ranting. My private  messages 
    Are always open if you need it

  • SueHeath
    SueHeath Community member Posts: 12,420 Disability Gamechanger
    Options
    Morning @MobileGames just checking if your okay bab.
  • MobileGames
    MobileGames Community member Posts: 148 Pioneering
    Options
    @janer1967. Thank you. I went to see Mum at the Chapel of rest yesterday afternoon. She looked like she was just sleeping. I didn't want to leave. I found it comforting being there. I know that sounds weird. 
  • MobileGames
    MobileGames Community member Posts: 148 Pioneering
    Options
    @SueHeath. Thank you. I look at her bus pass where she was fuller faced and healthier. That helps. Going to the Chapel of rest helped. It helps to erase the horrible image. 
  • MobileGames
    MobileGames Community member Posts: 148 Pioneering
    Options
    @Teddybear12. Thank you. Yesterday I was nervous,but excited to see Mum. I know that sounds weird. It helped with the horrible image that I had. I said my final goodbye. 
  • MobileGames
    MobileGames Community member Posts: 148 Pioneering
    Options
    @Cher_Scope. Thank you. I'm not going to stay with my sister. We operate better together when we have our own space,but thank you. I like Board games,card making,a bit of walking,just sitting and chatting. Thank you for your kind words. 
  • MobileGames
    MobileGames Community member Posts: 148 Pioneering
    Options
    @woodbine. Thank you. Sorry to hear that. Bless you. 
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Disability Gamechanger
    Options
    Glad you found some peace by seeing your mum and she looked restful 

    Take care remember there are people around to help you get through this 
  • SueHeath
    SueHeath Community member Posts: 12,420 Disability Gamechanger
    Options
    I will say the same as Janer i am really glad you got your comfort by seeing your Mom at the chapel, i hope all goes well with the planning of your Mom's funeral and don't forget we are all here if you need a chat or a distraction, you sound like you are doing so well darling, keep Mom's bus pass with you for comfort x
  • MobileGames
    MobileGames Community member Posts: 148 Pioneering
    Options
  • L_Volunteer
    L_Volunteer Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 7,983 Disability Gamechanger
    Options
    How are you doing at the moment @MobileGames? Sending you hugs. We are all here for you. Please don't hesitate to let us know if we can do anything to help  :)
    Community Volunteer Adviser with professional knowledge of education, special educational needs and disabilities and EHCP's. Pronouns: She/her. 

    Please note: if I use the online community outside of its hours of administration, I am doing so in a personal capacity only.
  • MobileGames
    MobileGames Community member Posts: 148 Pioneering
    edited October 2022
    Options
    @L_Volunteer. Hello. Tuesday,Wednesday and yesterday I had wobbles. I was crying yesterday and got stressed out with some post the other day and was crying,so I rang my Sister,who explained the post to me. Do you know if  scope help with filling in forms over the phone please? Do you know of any groups going on on a Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon in Stratford upon avon please. The social prescriber was as much use a chocolate teapot. Thank you. 
  • SueHeath
    SueHeath Community member Posts: 12,420 Disability Gamechanger
    Options
    Good morning @MobileGames bless you i am sorry i don't have the answer for you about any groups in your area or about help with filling forms over the phone, although i have heard members mention that citizens advice have help people fill in forms for PIP etc. so it might be worth giving them a call.
    Do you go to any groups at the moment ??? 
    Hows things going with sorting Mom's funeral out darling, are you and your sister working together on this. I know people in some areas are having to wait a long time still for funerals to happen. x
  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Posts: 11,154 Scope online community team
    Options
    Do you know if  scope help with filling in forms over the phone please? 
    Hello @MobileGames. Depending on what they are, the Scope Helpline can help over the phone with filling in some forms. 
    You can contact them on  0808 800 3333
    They're open Monday to Friday 9am to 6pm and Saturday to Sunday 10am to 6pm. 
    Community Manager
    Scope
Complete our feedback form and tell us how we can make the community better.
If we become concerned about you or anyone else while using one of our services, we will act in line with our safeguarding policy and procedures. This may involve sharing this information with relevant authorities to ensure we comply with our policies and legal obligations.

Find out how to let us know if you're concerned about another member's safety.