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Bereavement

MobileGames

TRIGGER WARNING. MENTIONING DECEASED. Morning. How are you? My Mum passed away of terminal cancer last Thursday. My Sister and I are going to view her today. Even though we viewed our Dad back in February,who also died of terminal cancer,our Mum looked even creepier than our Dad when she passed away(I know that sounds horrible,but it wasn't nice to see),and I'm nervous about how she'll look,but I need to do this in order to help with the grief and help erase the horrible image that I saw when she died. She had carers come in 4 times a day,but then Shakespeare Hospice took over at the end because the carers were **** and our Mum deserved to be treated with kindness,gentleness,dignity and respect,which the Shakespeare Hospice did,that the carers were failing to do. She had a district nurse come in to see to her driver to prevent nausea and vomiting. The doctor visited twice a week. I helped Mum with Fluids and then moistened her mouth with swabs towards the end and when she threw up brown stuff the Sunday before,I would clean up her face and empty the sick bowl. I got paramedics to check her over. Her obs were fine. I told the district nurse as well and they managed to get it under control by mid Monday. I called my Sister Wednesday morning,the morning I called Shakespeare Hospice to take over from the crappy carers,and she came over and was here last Thursday as well. There was a lot going on and now it's just quiet. I now live alone and I've never lived alone in my 42 years of life. It's weird,it's lonely and I feel like Mum is watching me,judging me. I can't be in the living room for too long by myself because that is where both our parents passed away. I have the light on the landing on each night and my cat,bless her,snuggles up to me at night. I need to fill my days,otherwise I'm going to go mad with the loneliness. I've got Monday,Tuesday morning,one Wednesday afternoon every month,Thursday afternoon(I think),Friday morning/afternoon(I think),Saturday morning,every other Saturday afternoon and Sunday morning/afternoon sorted,but I'm finding it hard to find things to do for Tuesday afternoon,the other Wednesday afternoons,Thursday morning and every other Saturday afternoon. The evenings are not too bad. I can ring friends and I've got the TV and YouTube to watch on my tablet. Sorry for the long post. I needed to offload. Thank you.

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Comments

janer1967

Hi there

I am so sorry for your loss and the difficult time you are going through

My thoughts are with you

Please reach out for help if you need it with your grief

SueHeath

Good morning @MobileGames I am so sorry to hear about your parents, not many of us lose both Mom and Dad that close together, I really feel for you, hopefully someone can point you in the right direct if you need help with the grieving process darling. You have done well with helping to look after your Mom, i know how hard that can be.
You are going to find it hard today, one thing i will say for some people it can be hard to get the picture of Mom out of your brain with how she looked when she was so poorly and when she pasted, it might be an idea to find a nice photo of your Mom and perhaps your Dad in happier times, it could help to replace the bad memories, saying that it is still early days for you and i am affraid it is part of the grieving process, which no one can take that pain away.
Do not feel alone, if the house is to quite for you put the radio on perhaps have a talking channel so you hear voices or just music to help break the silence. If you feel Mom is judgeing you talk to her photo and get things of your chest if you need to.
Good luck with today, don't forget you have us here as well.

Cher_Alumni

@MobileGames I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, all of us in the community send our deepest condolences at what must be a very hard time. It sounds like you cared lovingly for your mum right up to the end and she would have known and appreciated that.

It must feel very odd being alone in the house after so long with your mum for company. It's going to take a while to adapt so please be gentle and patient with yourself, it's great you have your cat for hugs

Thinking some more about it, would staying over with your sister for a day or two be something you'd find helpful? If not, that's fine and I get it, but maybe give it a ponder.

While, the wonderful organisation CRUSE provide bereavement support and have a helpline if you want to talk to someone in person or they also have an online chat if you prefer that.

There are lots of things you could do to keep yourself occupied on those days, such as volunteering or joining a social group? You can visit the Do IT website to find volunteering opportunities close to where you live and if you tell us the kind of things you enjoy activity wise, we can brainstorm that.

Don't forget we're here for you throughout this. If ever something pops into your head you would have laughed about with your mum, or those little conversations that made up your days too, share them with us - we can be a part of that. I know it isn't the same as with your beloved mum, but we're here for you all the same 24/7. Look after yourself.

Sandy_123

Hi @MobileGames so sorry for your loss. Its very difficult when you loose someone close to you.
I'm glad you have your cat, animals can bring alot of comfort in difficult times. I hope the viewing today went as you hoped it would.

Can you stay at your sisters or your sister stay with you for a few days? It might help.

We are always here if you want to talk, it's not ranting. My private messages
Are always open if you need it

SueHeath

Morning @MobileGames just checking if your okay bab.

MobileGames

@janer1967. Thank you. I went to see Mum at the Chapel of rest yesterday afternoon. She looked like she was just sleeping. I didn't want to leave. I found it comforting being there. I know that sounds weird.

MobileGames

@SueHeath. Thank you. I look at her bus pass where she was fuller faced and healthier. That helps. Going to the Chapel of rest helped. It helps to erase the horrible image.

MobileGames

@Teddybear12. Thank you. Yesterday I was nervous,but excited to see Mum. I know that sounds weird. It helped with the horrible image that I had. I said my final goodbye.

MobileGames

@Cher_Scope. Thank you. I'm not going to stay with my sister. We operate better together when we have our own space,but thank you. I like Board games,card making,a bit of walking,just sitting and chatting. Thank you for your kind words.

MobileGames

@woodbine. Thank you. Sorry to hear that. Bless you.

janer1967

Glad you found some peace by seeing your mum and she looked restful

Take care remember there are people around to help you get through this

SueHeath

I will say the same as Janer i am really glad you got your comfort by seeing your Mom at the chapel, i hope all goes well with the planning of your Mom's funeral and don't forget we are all here if you need a chat or a distraction, you sound like you are doing so well darling, keep Mom's bus pass with you for comfort x

MobileGames

@SueHeath. Aw,thank you.

L_Volunteer

How are you doing at the moment @MobileGames? Sending you hugs. We are all here for you. Please don't hesitate to let us know if we can do anything to help

MobileGames

@L_Volunteer. Hello. Tuesday,Wednesday and yesterday I had wobbles. I was crying yesterday and got stressed out with some post the other day and was crying,so I rang my Sister,who explained the post to me. Do you know if scope help with filling in forms over the phone please? Do you know of any groups going on on a Tuesday and Wednesday afternoon in Stratford upon avon please. The social prescriber was as much use a chocolate teapot. Thank you.

SueHeath

Good morning @MobileGames bless you i am sorry i don't have the answer for you about any groups in your area or about help with filling forms over the phone, although i have heard members mention that citizens advice have help people fill in forms for PIP etc. so it might be worth giving them a call.
Do you go to any groups at the moment ???
Hows things going with sorting Mom's funeral out darling, are you and your sister working together on this. I know people in some areas are having to wait a long time still for funerals to happen. x

Adrian_Scope

MobileGames said:

Do you know if scope help with filling in forms over the phone please?

Hello @MobileGames. Depending on what they are, the Scope Helpline can help over the phone with filling in some forms.
You can contact them on 0808 800 3333
They're open Monday to Friday 9am to 6pm and Saturday to Sunday 10am to 6pm.