My daughter's refusing to give me any of her cost of living payment to help cover energy bills — Scope | Disability forum
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My daughter's refusing to give me any of her cost of living payment to help cover energy bills

johna
johna Community member Posts: 3 Listener
edited November 2022 in Cost of living
Hi I have just received my 2nd cost of living payment and the same as everyone else it stays in the bank to cover bills.my daughter also got it but is refusing to pay me any of it to help me cover rising bills.saying I have had my payment this is hers do you think she is being unfair.
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Comments

  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Disability Gamechanger
    Hi and welcome to the community 

    Thats a difficult one depends on what your daughter needs her money for as she may have increased expenses like travel,  food,  etc 

    If she lives with you and you pay all the bills then maybe a better option to increase her contributions to the cost of the household on  perm basis just like inflation 
  • johna
    johna Community member Posts: 3 Listener
    Yes she lives with me full time,I pay for food and every other bill in the household.She pays me £30 a week I have told her to consider leaving as Iam not here to subsidize her living in the house,imho I should not of even be put in the position to ask her for a contribution,she should of done it automatically,I don't think I'm being unfair.I wasn't asking for all of it.
  • johna
    johna Community member Posts: 3 Listener
    I'm mean she is 23 now so hardly a child
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Disability Gamechanger
    I would increase her weekly amount or suggest she pays 50 % of the cost of the bills 
  • Amazonianup
    Amazonianup Community member Posts: 43 Connected
    edited December 2022
    Only £30? I don't get why she gets a payment she doesn't even need i. It's simple you don't ask for her col payment you charge the [removed by moderator: inappropriate language] more rent. I don't know why the government gave her this if she doesn't need it in the first place? Here's me using an led torch to cook in the dark to keep heating on longer of night.
  • poppy123456
    poppy123456 Community member Posts: 52,172 Disability Gamechanger
     I don't get why she gets a payment she doesn't even need i.
    Anyone that claims a qualifying benefit during the qualifying period is entitled to the COL payment, regardless of where they live.
    johna said:
    She pays me £30 a week
    Myabe you should think about increasing that weekly amount. If she lived else where should be be paying out a lot more than that.
    I would appreciate it if members wouldn't tag me please. I have all notifcations turned off and wouldn't want a member thinking i'm being rude by not replying.
    If i see a question that i know the answer to i will try my best to help.
  • poppy123456
    poppy123456 Community member Posts: 52,172 Disability Gamechanger
    My daughter lives with me, she doesn't work because of her health condition. She certainly doesn't live here for nothing. We split all the bills down the middle, including the food shopping and the fuel in the car. She still has plenty of money left to do what she wants with it.
    I would appreciate it if members wouldn't tag me please. I have all notifcations turned off and wouldn't want a member thinking i'm being rude by not replying.
    If i see a question that i know the answer to i will try my best to help.
  • JustPete
    JustPete Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 301 Pioneering
    So, I used to have this debate with my mum who, in my opinion, charges my sister far too little for living with her.  I too think that my sister has no idea about the true cost of living.  She is not prepared for the day she will need to live by herself.

    The other side of the coin is that my sister has a heart of gold, helps my mum in so many ways, would/does help me, takes the burden off me as I can't physically 'help' my mum.

    I guess it is easy to judge in these situations, although I am very tempted to raise my eyebrows at £30
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  • Autism_at_40
    Autism_at_40 Community member Posts: 721 Pioneering
    I too think it depends on the situation and the person.
    I was living with my sister, unable to work due to health issues.
    I paid for a lot of stuff, food, general items like toilet rolls, soap and Netflix, but didn't pay rent as the money I was getting from UC was only just enough to cover my other bills.
    My sister kicked me out because I didn't offer to give her my COL payments.  
    My reasons for this were, that;
    1. the cost of everything I did have to pay for has gone up
    2. I was facing having to move somewhere else (sister was selling flat and I had to find somewhere to live), which would mean I would need to save as much money possible for rent, bond, furniture etc
    3. My sister earnt twice as much as I am even capable of earning 
    4. My sister didn't seem to care about the amount of electricity she used leaving numerous lights on all night long, TV on all day and night (even if she wasn't in), shower on and walked away from it, etc etc

    So I think there are many reasons to not give someone the COL payment.  However, in your case, £30 a week doesn't seem like much at all.  When I first started earning (I was only on £45 a week at the time), my mum made me pay her 1/4 of what I earnt and there was no COL crisis at the time!

    Like many have suggested, you probably should be charging her more, especially if you are paying for all her food too.
  • woodbine
    woodbine Community member Posts: 11,284 Disability Gamechanger
    OP Your daughter is being very unfair and I would demand (not ask) that she increases what she pays you every week from £30 to £50 or find somewhere else to live after Christmas.
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  • life
    life Community member Posts: 527 Pioneering
    It's sad when money comes between family. Family members stop talking, hold grudges for years and sometimes never talk again.
  • Puja
    Puja Community Volunteer Adviser, Scope Member Posts: 104 Courageous
    edited December 2022
    Before we start calling her names or making assumptions
    I think we need to realise
    -his daughter might not understand the cost of things
    -realise exactly all the things her parent is paying for
    - have the ability to understand the numbers we don’t know her conditions and if she is able to live alone or move out etc 
    - what her care or daily costs are etc 
    and so to her the COL payment is for her and 11x the weekly rent she pays. 
    And has been given to her. 

    @johna I think you should add up the cost of everything and show/tell her if possible and work out a weekly increase that’s affordable to her and realistic in terms of your expenses?
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  • Community_Scope
    Community_Scope Posts: 881 Scope online community team

    Hello @Amazonianup

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