Hi, I guess I'm struggling, In so many ways

ellierms

Hi everyone,
I don't really know what I am expecting by coming here. I guess I just need some support. 

I'll start by telling you a little about myself. My name is Ellie I'm 29, I'm married and my husband is an incredible support. we have 4 children, and I'm pregnant.

I have struggled with my health for quite some time now. My official diagnosis are ME, CFS, Fibro, FND. After my first MRI it was MS due to lesions but spinal tap was clear.

I won't get into the whole thing but recently I had a pretty traumatic experience with Bristow & Sutor an enforcement agency for an unpaid ULEZ charge £12.50. Now I take responsibility for my debt this was my fault...

However, earlier this month I received a phone call from the enforcement agency to say I needed to pay him approx £350 I can't remember, after a heightened discussion I told him to take everything I have, I'm pretty done with life anyway. I called him back after calming down and apologised for my outburst however I am disabled, recently unemployed and have a valid blue badge and car is on HP and used for my mobility needs. I asked him to take off the ANPR marker and give me some time to get some advice. He said ok and hung up. 

Forward 8 working days. Another agent comes to my house I'm asleep in bed. Husband gets me, I explain that I had already spoken to another agent, showed him blue badge etc. He talks to his manager and proceeds to clamp my hire purchase car and phone truck to have it taken. I get in my car and lock the doors and phone around to get advice. I knew what he was doing was unlawful. I phoned the police, they said it was civil. He phoned the police they show up! They see I'm in a huge state, shaking, can't speak etc. They tell me that they are going to break into the car damaging it, and use force to remove me and that I would be charged for stealing the car. I question this to find out the police are under the impression that the agent has a warrant to take the car back to the finance company as its not been paid. I tell them the truth and they begin to question him.. finally! However they come back to me much more compassionate this time and I explain my rights as a vulnerable debtor and the legalities of taking a car on hp. Still Nobody listens.

They unlock my car somehow grab my arm and proceed to arrest me on breech of the peace, I asked why, the reply was its just the power we have. I pee myself literally, side affect of both my condition and pregnancy. 

I was forced to pay on high interest credit card £559 just to get the police and this agent to stop... getting myself into further debt. I'm genuinely telling the truth here. 😪 I've got absoloutly nothing to gain from lying. Some people might say I obviously did something to get them to arrest me but I actually didn't. I may have sworn a few times but I wasn't loud, I wasn't vulgar or threatening. 

I guess the point I'm making here is where was my protection? If the police are there to protect the public and the agent was acting unlawfully, why didn't they protect me? I'm obsessing since it happened. Just crying, I'm becoming some sort of paranoid mess every time I see someone go past the house thinking oh what now? I've completely lost all faith in everything. I'm still not sleeping, and when I do I wake up not being able to breath and panicking. 

Anyway better wipe it all away, get the kids up for school and wait until I next need the loo to have my next breakdown. Let's try and get through another day.

janer1967

Hi and welcome to the community 

Wow don't know what to say apart from I'm sorry this must have been a nightmare 

I would complain to the police the debt agency and your local mp. 

However depends if you want to drag it out or put it behind you 

Your welcome to rant and get support from us here 

Hope you have a less stressful day 

KiaZ

What great struggles you're having to deal with right now. 
I'm truly sorry. 
We're thet aware you were pregnant when all this played out? 
I would make sure you keep a record of anything that happens from now if you aren't already. 
Like the conversation you first had with one of the agents who told you they'd give you more time & recordings or any visits to your property for your own safety and security having evidence if & when you may need it, you are well within your rights. 
This treatment really did sound despicable. 

Have you been able to sort out the debt you had to accumulate due to what happened? 
If you are eligible for an overdraft or loan with your bank, that may be worth looking into as a quick and lower payments way to pay of your high interest credit card. 
I would look into it & speak to your bank. 
The last thing you need is to be dealing with these extra stressing when pregnant & when you have your children to look after. 
Never be afraid to ask for help. 
This is a great first step you’ve made coming on here & it definitely doesn't stop there. 

You're much stronger than you may feel right now & you will get through this even if it requires some support to do so ❤️ 

Hannah_Alumni

Hello @ellierms

I am so sorry you went through all that. It sounds so frustrating and upsetting. I'm so glad you have a supportive Husband. Can I ask, do you have other support? 

You said;

ellierms said:

 I told him to take everything I have, I'm pretty done with life anyway. 

and

ellierms said:

I'm becoming some sort of paranoid mess every time I see someone go past the house thinking oh what now? I've completely lost all faith in everything. I'm still not sleeping, and when I do I wake up not being able to breath and panicking. 

I wanted to check if you have a good relationship with your GP or if you would like and/or need any guidance when it comes to getting Mental Health support. I also wanted to comment with a few things that could help and hope they do

With the debt, there is a brilliant organisation called Steps For Change. They provide free, confidential and expert advice. They can also campaign on your behalf.

There is also Victim Support. When you asked, who was there for my protection, they are. They can help with emotional support, practically and confidentially. They also have a live chat section on the webpage if you feel writing everything down is better for you, like you've done here with us.

Lastly, I agree with Janer, to put a complaint in with the police. With your health and pregnancy, I know this can seem very daunting and even more stressful so I'd also have a look at contacting your Local MP to see if they would provide you with additional support with the complaint.

Please keep us updated, and let us know how you are getting on  

ellierms

Thankyou everyone for your kind words and advice.

I have complained to the police and the agency. Its hardly going to help though. I've spent my entire life fighting something that's so broken and I'm just so done!

I'm never going to harm myself as I've got children, throughout everything I've been so strong and fought everything for them.

Everything has had to be fought, nothings easy I get that but life so far has been such a battle, I give up fighting. There is no point.

I could never have forseen that almost 5 children later I couldn't have changed anything for them. Yes they're at home with us and thier basic needs are met but how is that good enough! Can you believe that in August I was putting in the right to buy my house, and now I'm struggling to buy food and Christmas presents. Shell energy thinks I live in Buckingham Palace from the price they've charged, yet another fight! 

I'm not the only one, i know.. worse things have happened and I know I'm being selfish.

Sorry I guess I'm just going through the phases of sadness and anger at the same time. I don't know why I keep waking up in such a panic, it wasn't like I was thrown to the ground or hurt.  I deffinately need to speak to my gp no doubt.

Keep denying mental health services, as I found ways to manage myself and can reliably spot any signs of me feeling low. I did actually have an appointment with GP a few hours after the incident and I just broke down. I have another appointment next week with my usual GP who helps me with the symptoms of other conditions etc. 

I will also look into victim support. My problem is a complete lack of trust for any support agencies. it all gets written down and used against you at your lowest. I've done it myself as I work with local authority children and family services. And if anything police helped to confirm that there is a fine line between support and judgement.

Anywhoos sorry for rambling. AND.. on to another day! Hope you all have a good day also. When I'm over my own selfishness I hope I can be there to offer support for you guys too 

SueHeath

Morning @ellierms Big welcome of me to our fantastic group.
I have no advise for you but i am so glad you came to the group, it's a great place to get things of your chest, you wont be judged here, the members are so supportive and were here for every one. It was a very brave thing for you to write and tell us all your personal stuff and i so hope it made you feel better with sharing. I find the group is also a very good place to be for distraction, so when you have the time, with being a Mom with a young family you must be a very busy bee, come and join us in the coffee lounge.

durhamjaide2001

I'm sorry to hear that you are struggling 

L_Volunteer

You are welcome @ellierms. Our kind words and advice are the very least you deserve.

I can hear how you are so done fighting something that never feels like you are winning. It sounds like your children are a really strong protective factor though for helping you to not harm yourself.

It sounds like things have changed really quickly for you. For example, you mentioned that in August you were putting in the right to buy your house and now you are struggling to buy food and Christmas presents.

Do you have any support to help you buy food and Christmas presents, even if this includes some local services? For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re being selfish. I think you’re doing really well to acknowledge what is happening to you and how you are feeling.

It sounds like you are experiencing a really difficult time with some tough emotions, such as sadness and anger at the same time. Is there anything, in particular, that might help to get you through this? We are here for you and listening to you if you would like to share more with us.

Thanks for being willing to support other people. It is people like you who make Scope’s community the supportive and friendly space it is