What can someone only understand if they've been through it themselves?

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Tori_Scope
Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,499 Championing
edited November 2022 in Coffee lounge
What's something that someone can't truly understand unless they've been through it themselves? 

Tell me your thoughts in the comments below :) 
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  • SueHeath
    SueHeath Community member Posts: 12,420 Championing
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    My sister lost her son, he was only 40, he died of a sudden heart attack, few years ago now but she's never got over his death. For this reason i should imagine one of the hardest thing for anyone is the loss of a child.
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,499 Championing
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    I'd agree with that @sueheath. I can't imagine how it feels. I'm sorry to hear that this is something your sister has experienced. I've heard some people find it helpful to think of it like their life is growing around their grief, rather than that the grief is getting any smaller.
  • SueHeath
    SueHeath Community member Posts: 12,420 Championing
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    I know what your saying @Tori_Scope it causes a lot of stress between my sister and brother in law, he is moving on, like anyone else would i presume, but my sister still gets very upset and still like morns him, if that makes sense. It has been 8 years now and we can't speak about my nephew in front of her, as it makes her to upset. We can speak to my brother in law and although he can be sad he still likes that we talk about him. 
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,499 Championing
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    That does make sense @sueheath :) Your comment really highlights that everyone experiences grief differently, and that different people like different responses from those around them.
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Championing
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    Losing your sight although mine isn't totally blindness but at times it is that bad its very scary feeling 

    People send me pics books ask me to look after stuff not intentional but they don't think b4 they do such actions 

    Also being in a wheelchair and in particular the access having to check br you go anywhere that you can get in there are disabled toilets and hotel rooms 

    And my third is being cheated on and lied to for a long time by the person you thought loved you the most 

    I'm not bitter and make most of my life and have moved on from all this but like the question asked people don't know what it's like unless you have gone through it and I'm sure most people on here have some experiences they have gone through 
  • Cartini
    Cartini Community member Posts: 1,108 Trailblazing
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    I lost my daughter when she was 32. She was well until she was in her early twenties just trained as a teacher. She seemed to deteriorate overnight and went from going to the gym every day to not being able to walk to the end of the drive. She was diagnosed with IPAH one in a million condition no cure only hope a double lung transplant. I gave up work to look after her. She had a line in her neck and was on 24hr infusion which we made up at home every day, as well as a lot of other medication. She was on oxygen and in a wheelchair. She could walk but not breath and walk. When you cannot breathe life is very limited. She loved the theatre, and we still went when we could just took everything we needed with us. I fought for everything she needed and never took no for an answer. When you are fighting for your child it is amazing how strong you can be. Even though she was very ill and very thin it was still a shock when she died. The death of a child is not something you ever get over. You adjust because you have to, and I promised I would look after Toby her dog who I now have. He is my last link to her.  I am a better person because of her. She was and is my Star. I was asked when my niece got married if I would mind if they put photos of her up as my niece and her were very close and she wanted to include her. She will not be forgotten.
    :'(
  • Cartini
    Cartini Community member Posts: 1,108 Trailblazing
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    I was going to put something up for me, but after Teadybear, mine fades into insignificance.
  • Sandy_123
    Sandy_123 Scope Member Posts: 55,949 Championing
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    That must of been so hard @Teddybear12. My heart goes out to anybody who's lost a child. It should never happen but sadly it does.
  • Cartini
    Cartini Community member Posts: 1,108 Trailblazing
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    Hi @Teddybear12, thank you.
    My childhood was a constant struggle against "kiddy fiddlers"; I used to go home and look in the mirror to see if I had "abuse me" on my forehead (that was a symbolic statement).  It didn`t matter where I went, there was a "kiddy fiddler" there.
    As a child I had a few horrendous experiences, the worst of which I`ve only shared with my mother and a very close lady friend.
    I think the experiences have made me the "soft" person I am.
  • Ollyoyster
    Ollyoyster Community member Posts: 348 Empowering
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    Bless you all for sharing, and after each of you has had horrible things happen to them, you all are lovely people, still helping each other, I think your all amazing ❤️❤️❤️
  • SueHeath
    SueHeath Community member Posts: 12,420 Championing
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    I hate the thought that you could lose your sight @janer1967 i think i would rather be deaf then blind, i truely hope this doesn't happen darling.
    Bless you all and @Teddybear12 we never think we will out live our children BIG hug to all xxx
  • Margare93222061
    Margare93222061 Community member Posts: 426 Empowering
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    My Mother was terminally I’ll for 15 years I was only 9 years of age when she died  and she was  dying n my arms.  So  it makes you appreciate life and that your time is short  so enjoy your life 
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,499 Championing
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    I agree that difficult experiences aren't a competition, and however you feel about the experiences you've had is valid :) 

    Thanks to everyone who's shared so far!
  • Tori_Scope
    Tori_Scope Scope Posts: 12,499 Championing
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    I realise you posted this to share your experience, not necessarily to get advice @Cartini. But I just wanted to share that NAPAC are there if you'd like to talk about your childhood experiences with people who understand :) 
  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Community member Posts: 2,807 Championing
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    I don't think many people have experienced severe panic.  When you feel completely trapped and vulnerable, bodily processes no longer seem to work, and you literally can't think of anything other than escaping the current situation at any cost.  I can't do it justice with words alone, but those that have experienced it will know.
  • Cartini
    Cartini Community member Posts: 1,108 Trailblazing
    edited November 2022
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    I realise you posted this to share your experience, not necessarily to get advice @Cartini. But I just wanted to share that NAPAC are there if you'd like to talk about your childhood experiences with people who understand :) 
    Thank you Tori - I have a very close lady friend whose shoulder I can cry on if needs be.  Thank you for thinking of my welfare.

  • Grinchy
    Grinchy Community member Posts: 1,932 Championing
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    I send you all my warmest best wishes and hugs, i can't imagine the pain of loosing a child, and the other  problems some of youare going through, you are all strong souls, bless you
    For me growing up as a child i was sexually and physically abused by both parents, my mother used to like me as a 3 or 4 year old joining in when they had sex, god forbid i murmured or didn't touch were i was supposed to, if she couldn't be bothered with my fathers advances she would send him to me, he enjoyed making  it as painfull as possible, as i got older they would drive me and my sister out to a wooded area, were groups of men would rape us for money,two or three at a time, the horrors i endured have made me stronger, i believe you can empathise, but maybe not fully understand, both my parents were alcoholics and are long gone, if there is a hell i suppose thats were they are, even though i would not wish that on them,
  • janer1967
    janer1967 Community member Posts: 21,964 Championing
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    I have no words @Grinchy for the ordeal you went through.  Absolute respect for you and how you have moved on with your life 
  • Steve_in_The_City
    Steve_in_The_City Scope Member Posts: 634 Pioneering
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    @Grinchy The same plus extreme violence and psychological abuse. I hope you have managed to put this behind you.