Worried stupid again

bluefox

I got my ESA without any medical evidence but there’s plenty of medical evidence if they ever wanted it. My neuropsychology appointments, CBT with Healthy Minds which failed. And the consequent referrals. 

But I can’t stop worrying because I checked some of my medical records and the GP’s have wrote contradictory things like oh he’s much more improved in mental health now? Which is a big fat lie and then a week later I’ve got a referral to a stronger mental health team. 

Then I’ve had my ADHD psychiatrist not listen to me. But now he’s said depression and anxiety are common in ADHD and you should still seek help from your GP and local services. 

I can’t help but worry about how all this impacts me. At a time when I’m not well. The only saving grace is that most of my letters confirm back up self harm and suicidal thoughts. I haven’t been looking after myself and totally withdrawn from everyone. 

It’s just confusing seeing one or two notes in my medical records saying tablets have improved me. This is not accurate or true. I don’t have the energy to fight it. 

poppy123456

My only advice is to stop looking through your medical records because it's clearly not helping your health conditions. It's perfectly normal for different medical professionals to have different opinions on what they see.

bluefox

poppy123456 said:

My only advice is to stop looking through your medical records because it's clearly not helping your health conditions. It's perfectly normal for different medical professionals to have different opinions on what they see.

Yeah but looking retrospectively how does that affect your benefits? 

I don’t feel well enough to work with my mental health and seizures. It’s hard enough to get a doctor to listen nevermind get help from DWP. 

Royal College of Psychiatrists say it can take a couple of goes to get someone to listen to how you feel. 

I’m fed up of this. I got a print out of my medical records and it shows I’ve had mental health problems since 2003 when I was 16 years old. I’m tired of fighting to get better. 

It even shows I may have had FND from that age too. No wonder my old GP practice wanted to send me to a neurologist back in 2007. 

Alex_Alumni

Hi @bluefox I'm sorry to hear that your ADHD psychiatrist hasn't been listening to you.

Is this something you've talked with them about, or have you spoken to your mental health team about how it's making you feel? 

bluefox

Alex_Scope said:

Hi @bluefox I'm sorry to hear that your ADHD psychiatrist hasn't been listening to you.

Is this something you've talked with them about, or have you spoken to your mental health team about how it's making you feel? 

It is and he said he isn't denying symptoms have ever been present and he said depression/anxiety is common with ADHD. However, I told him my symptoms were present at the time of our assessment.

He said if you feel you are having a relapse, speak to your GP, so I did. My GP said they get complaints from patients a lot about psychiatrists about things said in letters untrue.

So I don't know how to tackle this issue ultimately. I just don't want to get in trouble for being unwell. I mean this man saw me for 50 minutes and was assessing me for ADHD, not other diagnoses. My counsellor said he couldn't have gone through my complex history in 50 minutes. 

L_Volunteer

You have done really well to reach out to us @bluefox. I can hear how you are feeling particularly worried at the moment.

Not least with them lying about your mental health, compared to how you are feeling. Do you feel able to raise it with them that you don’t think it’s true?

You have mentioned not having the energy to fight it. If you had the energy, would you want to fight it and, if so, do you have anyone who could help fight it with you?

You deserve to feel listened to and validated. In an ideal world, what would support look like for you at the moment? Other than less contradictory and false information about you, of course.

We are all here for you and listening to you if you would like to share more with us. You don’t have to face this, or anything else, alone if you don’t want to.

Please don't hesitate to let us know if we can do anything to support you. Take care for now and we will look forward to, hopefully, hearing from you again soon 

bluefox

L_Volunteer said:

You have done really well to reach out to us @bluefox. I can hear how you are feeling particularly worried at the moment.

Not least with them lying about your mental health, compared to how you are feeling. Do you feel able to raise it with them that you don’t think it’s true?

You have mentioned not having the energy to fight it. If you had the energy, would you want to fight it and, if so, do you have anyone who could help fight it with you?

You deserve to feel listened to and validated. In an ideal world, what would support look like for you at the moment? Other than less contradictory and false information about you, of course.

We are all here for you and listening to you if you would like to share more with us. You don’t have to face this, or anything else, alone if you don’t want to.

Please don't hesitate to let us know if we can do anything to support you. Take care for now and we will look forward to, hopefully, hearing from you again soon 

My GP wants to see me face to face on Wednesday and my partner is going to take me and explain all of the difficulties I’m having. Because he is also frustrated, frustrated we don’t have a life or enjoyment mainly because of me. It’s not only tough on myself but tough for the people around me too. 

I guess meeting the GP face to face and having someone else explain the difficulties will be a step in the right direction to begin with. 

At the end of the day I am the patient and it is my experiences that ultimately lead to diagnosis. As you say, to be denied or not validated is quite harmful tbh. I have spoken to my psychiatrist and told him my disagreements and showed him a diary. He just said I need to seek care from local mental health services and my GP. 

My other option is to go through private psychiatry but what would be the point I guess of paying £400 to have an assessment when local mental health services can do that for free.