How is your day going?

Morning all

That sure beats my 535am lol

I miss my mum

She died in her sleep on 10 Jan 2000

She was an amazing woman

Hello all

I am really exhausted today.

Yes u know that feeling

I. Almost fell asleep on the couch this morning

Just a meh day to say the least 😒 just used vital money I need for bills and ordered take aways again the last few days. Just have no self control, let alone any energy to cook. I honestly said to a neighbour the other day “that I’ll be glad when it gets to 2027 and some of my funeral will be paid off as then I’ve got a guaranteed cremation in place when I commit suicide” I honestly don’t have a care in the world about myself, my quality of life or if I wake up, I am always disappointed to do so. I’ve been on waiting list for counselling and a social prescriber, the local community mental health team are few and far between with contact and my GP recently upped one of my antidepressants. I’m just planning on staying inside my flat, isolating myself from the world, I’m supposed to go to Cape Verde next year, but once I’ve paid off the deposit I’m pulling the plug as it’s just going to overwhelm me, not do me any good and in all honesty I just don’t have the confidence to go. I’ve stayed sat on the bed watching the iPad again today and just struggle to get out of bed. I just know I’m responsible for so much hurt, anger and have left many that have been in my life for the last 42 years saying “we are not surprised, you’ve made your bed now you have to lay in it” I always say to myself “why did I have to survive in 1983 and not another baby when I was born premature, I just shouldn’t have existed at all” I’ve negatively impacted every single poor person that’s been unfortunate to have to have to be part of my life” I’ve got stuff that belonged to my late grandfathers, alongside family photographs that I’m going to send back to my parents house as I don’t deserve to own them. People would often say “stop feeling sorry for yourself” but when your mental health has been weaponised against you by someone you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with, by saying “You Just Don’t Want To Get Better” or by so called parents stating “You Can’t Do That, Or Do This” just makes me feel ashamed to be alive, let alone still be breathing. I’m just going to live out the rest of my life quietly, however the short a time I have left on this planet, I’ve no plans to act on the dark thoughts for now, but like 2020 sometimes you can’t take it anymore. I’m sorry if this is hard to read, it may be best for admins to probably delete my profile as I don’t deserve to be on this fine site with such inspirational people.

Evening @durhamjaide2001

Been windy 12 degrees

Morning all.

Cool and cloudy here.

Ok guys had not been great lately. One thing yesterday I got a phonecall. No voice message. When checking on Google. It says DWP but also scams calls come from that same number. I decided not to answer as I do not reply calls I don't know the number.

I am still in esa. So i don't know. My question is DWP leave messages or not. I am petrified about them.. will the send the UC form without calling. I am scared... Very scared.