How is your day going?

Just a meh day to say the least 😒 just used vital money I need for bills and ordered take aways again the last few days. Just have no self control, let alone any energy to cook. I honestly said to a neighbour the other day “that I’ll be glad when it gets to 2027 and some of my funeral will be paid off as then I’ve got a guaranteed cremation in place when I commit suicide” I honestly don’t have a care in the world about myself, my quality of life or if I wake up, I am always disappointed to do so. I’ve been on waiting list for counselling and a social prescriber, the local community mental health team are few and far between with contact and my GP recently upped one of my antidepressants. I’m just planning on staying inside my flat, isolating myself from the world, I’m supposed to go to Cape Verde next year, but once I’ve paid off the deposit I’m pulling the plug as it’s just going to overwhelm me, not do me any good and in all honesty I just don’t have the confidence to go. I’ve stayed sat on the bed watching the iPad again today and just struggle to get out of bed. I just know I’m responsible for so much hurt, anger and have left many that have been in my life for the last 42 years saying “we are not surprised, you’ve made your bed now you have to lay in it” I always say to myself “why did I have to survive in 1983 and not another baby when I was born premature, I just shouldn’t have existed at all” I’ve negatively impacted every single poor person that’s been unfortunate to have to have to be part of my life” I’ve got stuff that belonged to my late grandfathers, alongside family photographs that I’m going to send back to my parents house as I don’t deserve to own them. People would often say “stop feeling sorry for yourself” but when your mental health has been weaponised against you by someone you thought you’d spend the rest of your life with, by saying “You Just Don’t Want To Get Better” or by so called parents stating “You Can’t Do That, Or Do This” just makes me feel ashamed to be alive, let alone still be breathing. I’m just going to live out the rest of my life quietly, however the short a time I have left on this planet, I’ve no plans to act on the dark thoughts for now, but like 2020 sometimes you can’t take it anymore. I’m sorry if this is hard to read, it may be best for admins to probably delete my profile as I don’t deserve to be on this fine site with such inspirational people.

Evening @durhamjaide2001

Been windy 12 degrees

Cool and cloudy here too

15 degrees

Morning all I hope yous have a good day.
The weather has changed the rains back here today and a feels a good bit cooler.

@Schildpad

Hi I totally understand you worrying about the number calling you if it’s the DWP they will get back in touch.
Regarding changing over ti UC I’m due to change over to I received a letter about a month ago saying I’ve to do it by a certain date, it gives you 3 months notice I received another reminder letter yesterday.
I hope that puts your mind at ease a little.

❤️

The mice are back!!!

They are my bread. Grr

I. Moved all foods into carrier bags

Those plug ons not working

I'm. Tired. My eyes keep closing

Good morning campers.

We're in sunny but breezy Crewe today.

Not really no

Def in the kitchen

I covered gaps