Living alone

smileysun
smileysun Online Community Member Posts: 27 Contributor
in Housing and independent living

Hey,

I think I realised something about myself.

I can only be happy when living alone. But I have a boyfriend, we tried the whole living together arrangement, and I found it hard. Were both autistic and both like things a certain way.

I plan to get a job and live on my own. And for us to be together but to live separately, is this strange? or bad at all :(

I just don't think I can cope with having to include another dynamic into my already difficult-to-plan life :( which makes me very sad because it makes me feel like part of me is broken.

Is this something which could work? :( Does anybody else do this?

I just can't not be in control of how my environment is without melting down every single day and my mental health can't cope with this.

Thankyou for reading <3

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Comments

  • Bluebell21
    Bluebell21 Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 11,562 Championing

    Hi @smileysun It does not sound strange at all. You have to do what would work best for you, otherwise it could affect your relationship.

    Have you discussed this with your boyfriend?

    I wish you the best of luck and hope you are able to put in place what will suit you both.

    Take care.

  • smileysun
    smileysun Online Community Member Posts: 27 Contributor

    @Bluebell21 We have both discussed this. We were both living together, and it didn't work out very well at all. So we decided we would both live seperately whilst being together to figure each other out more, learning to manage conflict and hopefully get along better.

    It seems most of our issues stemmed from living together because he had very rigid ways, and so did I I just couldn't cope. I also couldn't cope with being around somebody 24'7, I can't be at my best! if this is the case :( he said he's happy to live alone whilst we get to know each other

    I am considering, once I have a job just explaining to him that id like to live in my own place because of this, but I am worried ill be seen as selfish :( or wanting it all my own way. It seems he's dealing better with his own space too though, we will see.

    Thank you for the reassurance, I appreciate it <3

  • Bluebell21
    Bluebell21 Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 11,562 Championing

    Hi @smileysun You are not being selfish wanting to live on your own. It does sound as if it would be better for you both.

    Please let us know how you get on.

    Take care.

  • Rosie_Scope
    Rosie_Scope Posts: 5,736 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    Hi @smileysun, it's not selfish at all. It's actually really admirable that you've recognised what you need and how you'd like to live your life. It doesn't mean you love your partner any less by not wanting to be with them all the time.

    I have a slightly unconventional life with my partner of 12 years. Due to my conditions and the differences in the way that we sleep, eat and live, we have very individual lives but have stayed together through it all. Sometimes other people's judgement can be hard to deal with but we've always just done what works for us as that's what's most important.

    And after 12 years I don't see anything ending any time soon, so in my experience it can work really well. I think the important thing is just recognising what each person needs and communicating with each other each step of the way ☺️

  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Online Community Member Posts: 4,441 Championing

    I don't think this is weird or selfish either. Personally I don't have any interest in a romantic relationship, but I would still like someone to share life with. I need a lot of my own time & space to recover and cope with human interaction, but that doesn't mean I want to be on my own 24/7. I don't think many other people would understand this, but I'm past letting other people make choices for my own life. Just have to accept the judgement and see it as their problem, not ours.

  • Catherine21
    Catherine21 Posts: 6,048 Championing

    I'm the same I can't relax when someone's in mu home I've tried being married living together I can't explain it I feel like thier intruding on me even having a conversation when I don't want to gets me really overwhelmed I relize that now at 53 I'm waiting adhd test 4 years to go but when I was younger I used to feel terrible and actually hated myself me personally I don't enjoy peoples company after a certain amount of time maybe few hours but I'm ok with that now

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