How is your day going?

Good morning all

Was hot last night

Same Muck Different Day 😒

Just in a I don’t care about myself or the world right now. Only had two hours sleep, just keep thinking why should I bother taking medications that are as much use as a chocolate fire guard! I’m also just thinking of scrapping the idea of going abroad next year, I can’t leave the flat let alone go abroad alone. Just don’t trust myself to keep myself safe at times, but I’m just now deciding to think I’m a no good person that’s just destroyed so many lives. I’m even just thinking of scrapping anyone coming into my flat to decorate and leaving it as is. I just don’t want to be seen or heard in public, some would say I’m feeling sorry for myself, I’m only sorry that I didn’t do a better job in 2020! I am just going to start requesting all medical appointments by telephone, to lose weight I’m just going to drop down to one meal a day, I just stick two fingers up to all those that have got on the wrong side of me, be glad when there all dead - especially my parents. I think this is going to be my last ever post, I’m just going back into the shadows.

25 degrees now

I am sorry @roughyed1485. I don't and shouldn't tell people what to do or how to think so I won't, but..... when I'm feeling really low it does sometimes help me to remind myself of the principles and read one of my Buddhist books or my Reiki books.

I can't always do that but it always helps when I do. You have been very eloquent in sharing your knowledge and thoughts, especially about Buddhism, I have meant to tell you that before so I'm sorry I've not. It has helped. Take very good care of yourself. I hope you don't go back into the shadows, your posts indicate how well-informed, self-reflective, compassionate, caring and funny you are too. I try to keep a sense of humour, it fails me too often but I try. An old friend said to me the other day, 'you're bright, resourceful and not daft' 🤣, I thought ok, I'll take that.

When it feels right, maybe focus on your plans to get a dog and a parrot. You don't have to make any decisions today, about your holiday (? Cape Verde I think) or anything. Just be. Just eat what you want, when you want. There's no rules, only your own, self-imposed. Be kind to yourself - as you are to others on here. Tomorrow's a new day, we're here for you when you want us to be ❤️ 💜 🙏.

I’m taking my meds each day as best I can, just fighting to get through each day. I must admit, it may come across as crass that I wish ill on some people, but when those people are ones you thought were meant to protect you, love you and nurture you through life turn out to be very fake, cruel people and ones you thought you knew, then I guess I have a right to wish ill will.

The people that masceraded as my parents never wanted me, the woman who raised me wanted to give me up at birth, she only wanted one child, was always begging authorities for funding to keep me at boarding school 365 days a year and never told me I was loved, the same goes for the man who was distant, emotionally abusive, controlling, had a temper and in my whole life I was treated as something picked up on the carpet unlike the girl that I shared a house with who I was treated inferior to and she was more like the prodigal child. I’m glad I’ve not seen or spoken to them in nearly ten years, best thing I ever did was cutting off all contact and ties, it’s because of them and other members of his family that I was diagnosed with BPD.

same muck, different day! Just yet another day with zero air and in a sweat box of a flat. Oh well that’s just life in a nutshell