Hi, my name is fus!

fus · June 24

Good morning and thank for the add recently paralysed from the Waist downwards due spinal conditions just need help and advice adjusting to this major change in my life i am struggling mentally and physically coming to terms with it thank you

Santosha12 · June 24

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/135942/hi-my-name-is-fus

Good morning @fus and a very big welcome to you to the Community! I am very sorry to hear of your situation and I think you'll find a lot of support here.

(My ex-partner had a c6/c7 level spinal cord injury so whilst I don't have lived experience, or the personal trauma of this, I have some understanding of the life-changing nature of living with paralysis).

Others' on here will have much more knowledge than me, but your struggle in coming to terms with it is something I think I can understand something of.

Do you mind me asking do you have support at home or are you living independently?

A charity I'm very familiar with is Aspire in London. Their website offers support in all areas of life including Independent Living, benefits, money matters, etc. If you want to look at their website at some point it's at aspire.org.uk (tel: 020 8954 5759).

I'm making an assumption that you've been under the care of a specialist spinal centre, the ones I know of are in Southport, Pinderfields in South Yorkshire and the Robert Burns, Agnas Hunt in Oswestry, Shropshire. If you're not under such a centre, is it possible to speak to your Consultant to be referred to get the best help that you can.

Aspire might be a good starting point for you though, certainly for being able to see the wide breadth of support and how to best access it - whether through them or by referral.

My ex who we've stayed in touch for 26 years leads a very fulfilling and rewarding life with his career and family life. I don't say that to undermine the devastation his injury caused caused, or the anguish that I don't doubt he may still have. I will just add he's done more in his life than very many people I know with no disability so I know that life can be good again.

There's a book I think it's called 'It's still me' (via Aspire) with quite remarkable, inspirational stories from individuals' effected by paralysis (due to spinal cord injuries).

I'm glad you've found 'Scope' and I hope it will be an ongoing source for you of support, comfort, and even get a laugh from, when you're ready (there's a Games Den, Coffee Lounge etc) and an awful lot of caring, supportive people.

With my very warmest of wishes to you, and you're very welcome here 🙏 🫂.

Bluebell21 · June 24

Hi @fus Welcome to the Community from me too. I am sorry you are having so many challenges. It can sometimes take some time to adjust to a new way of life. It is usually best not to look back at what you could do before and focus on what you are able to do now.

Any questions just ask.

Please take care of yourself.

Holly_Scope · June 24

Welcome to the community @fus. I'm really pleased you've joined us. ☺️ There are a lot of lovely members here. Our Coffee Lounge is a great place to begin having a look around, perhaps getting involved if you feel up to it. If you've any questions, please just shout and we'll do our best to help.

I completely second what @Santosha12 has said and couldn't add much more. I hope you've some support in place both for your physical and mental health? It's important you're supported through this. 💛

fus · June 24

I'm not sure how to reply to individual posts on here but thank you for your words of encouragement, support and advice very much appreciated thank you

Bluebell21 · June 24

Hi @fus to reply to individual posts you can either use the Quote at the bottom of the post or put an @ before any user name like I have with yours.

Take care.

fus · July 6

https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1041072#Comment_1041072

Thank you for all the information and advice I apologise in not getting back to you sooner

I haven't taken this confinement very well to be honest I feel trapped in my own body and very frustrated and angry not at anyone particularly more at myself

I was in a very dark place a 2 weeks ago all weekend I could feel this feeling of dread and worry building up no sleep everything was going wrong I had snapped at my wife and son who are doing their best to help I could not stand the fuss and attention

In the early hours of Sunday morning I had come too the decision to end it all [removed by moderator - discussion of methods] I contacted a chat room which I thought could help me not encourage me just justify my intentions I opened up with all my thoughts and wishes and even said my goodbyes to folks hoping they would understand why

I didn't know who ever I was talking to had pressed the panic button earlier in my chat I had the police banging on the door my wife and son were woken up and I was caught out of my head [removed by moderator - graphic] ambulance arrived soon after not sure what happened after

I'm now back home just home from hospital have aged mental health on my back some anti depression pills nurse calls in throughout the day and home visits from crisis

I wasn't seeking attention or sympathy i dont like where I am but unfortunately now understand how much upset and trouble my actions have caused i know I'm being watched and talked about and I feel like a naughty kid sent to my room

I must admit I haven't thought any more bad feelings or sort a dark hole too hide in but I know now if I ever sunk that low again I could and would follow through with no fear or second thoughts pain is pleasure death is a release

Thanks fus

Rosie_Scope · July 6

Hi @fus, sorry to hear how dark things have felt lately. I'm really sorry, but for the safety of the community I have had to edit out some parts of your post, I hope you can understand. I know it must have taken a lot of strength to share some of those things.

We'll be sending you an email today so please look out for that ☺️

Were you offered any support after what happened? For example, have you been put in touch with a mental health team at all?

I hope things start feeling easier for you soon.

Santosha12 · July 6

Dear @fus, I am so desperately sorry. I've just seen your message half an hour ago. Absolutely NO need to apologise at all; you've had an awful lot of distress and I am so very sorry for that. I urge you to call Aspire tomorrow morning on 020 8954 5759.

I hear you when you say you were not looking for sympathy or attention; I know you were not. You may feel, or think, that nobody can help you - I assure you they can. Please do not give up on yourself. You are worth, and have so much more value, than your 'disability'. You maybe can't see that yet - but others' can help you to to see that and truly help you in practical ways too. It must have all been so traumatic for you recently and I can relate somewhat to your anguish and turmoil.

Your own local consultant would be able to help you too. I've just rang the Robert Burns & Agnas Hunt spinal cord unit in Shropshire, just in case there's something else I'm missing that I should advise you of. They agree that your local unit, or Aspire are your best, first ports of call.

Your anger and frustration is completely understandable too, especially when your wife and son may be fussing or being overly-attentive. Just remember this, you must be very much loved by your wife and son, they need you -including exactly as you are and for whatever the future brings as a family. Don't give up on that love, or yourself. Would you have given up on them? No, I'm certain you would absolutely not. I'll bet my life on it they won't be giving up on you. Do this surviving thing for yourself, first and foremost though.

Please call 116123 (Samaritans) in the meantime if you think you're not safe.

I hope you don't mind me being quite so direct. Please feel free to ask any questions, or just be honest about how you're feeling, anytime, because that's ok too. I'll keep a look out and won't be so tardy in my replies!!

Just know that your family, and even us on here, genuinely care and will be here to listen and advise where we can.

With the very warmest of wishes and love to you ❤️.

Hi, my name is fus!

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