Dating advise

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corpsebride
corpsebride Online Community Member Posts: 3 Listener
edited June 29 in Everyday life

I've been in a dating site and had some disagreements with the owner. On the opening form you have to say yes or no to disabled. You can't skip this question.

I have brought up that this isn't legal a few times, the reply is below.

Thank you for the feedback.Some members want to flag that they are disabled via this setting.Others want to search for other disabled people, which we cannot provide without collecting this information.Yet more want to be excluded from searches by people who don't want to meet someone who is disabled.And there are people who hold your view too.So it is complicated. And there is no easy solution which will please everyone.

I say this isnt legal. Can you tell me your thoughts and advise?

I have a blue badge, I have difficulties but I resent being judged like this. I am very capable to look at a profile and seeing they have an active lifestyle and if I can do what they want me to. I don't want to be discounted as one word can mean so many different things.

Thanks for you advise.

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Comments

  • Holly_Scope
    Holly_Scope Posts: 3,067 Scope Online Community Coordinator

    Hi @corpsebride you make a really good point. Why don't they have a "prefer not to say" option like we see for so many other things. I'm far from a legal expert so I won't try to answer that side of things, but it doesn't seem right to force people to disclose this information. I'd certainly be opting out of using that site, for sure!

  • Ranald
    Ranald Online Community Member Posts: 1,947 Championing

    Why would you want to meet people, who don't want to meet disabled people?

  • corpsebride
    corpsebride Online Community Member Posts: 3 Listener

    Ranald, thats not what i said. The was the reply from the dating site when insaid i didntnwant to be firced to disclose i was disabled, i was told i have to choose yes or no. People have the choice not to date me if im disabled. That isnwhat im angry about and have been trying to get this changed fir years. No disabled grouo will helo me by telling him its illegal whoch i think it is. ,

  • Ranald
    Ranald Online Community Member Posts: 1,947 Championing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1043330#Comment_1043330

    When I used dating sites (2010 - 2013), I didn't tell the person I was disabled, which led to some awkward first meetings. It's very unpleasant to get a flat 'sorry, but no', and i can't see how declaring it beforehand is anything but a good idea.

  • Topcat71
    Topcat71 Online Community Member Posts: 192 Empowering

    I share my deep heat rub on first date . We got on like a house on fire at start..

  • corpsebride
    corpsebride Online Community Member Posts: 3 Listener

    If i see someone declaring health i avoid them, its like a disclaimer.

    I am more than my health issues. I want them to know me and if they're worthy of knowing i tell them before we meet. You don't sell a car by saying its got faults, you state the good bits about it.

    This is why the laws for jobs mean they can't ask you if youre disabled as you get judged before they give uou a chance. Same with a dating site.

  • Ranald
    Ranald Online Community Member Posts: 1,947 Championing

    That's fine if you don't have a physical disability. That and being on benefits is a mega turn off for a great many people.

    Growing to 'love' someone over a longish period of time is very possible, I dare say, but dating sites are an online marketplace, just like bloomin' Auto Trader.

    You might fancy walking towards someone and watching their face fall, then they mask it, but i certainly don't. It's devastating

    If I bothered looking these days, I would certainly want to make sure they were aware of my physical disability beforehand.

  • Ranald
    Ranald Online Community Member Posts: 1,947 Championing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1043383#Comment_1043383

    I read that as 'hot tub', and was very impressed with your fast moves!

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