How do i explain that i can't just magically gain a months income in advance??
Hello, i'm Max.
I'm 20, physically disabled, neurodivergent, and mentally ill (but stable), and i have moved into my first independent living situation as of 5th July.
Because of the above, i am unable to work, and rely solely on UC and PIP as my monthly income- and also because of the above, i had to find a guarantor in order to move to where i currently am.
My Nan and Grandad offered to be my guarantors straight away because according to them, most guarantors wouldn't view me as reliable, and they trust me as i am family- i am incredibly grateful for this.
However now that i have moved, my Nan won't stop telling me that i need to save up every month so that i have enough money to pay my rent the next month- which literally isn't physically possible for a number of reasons.
- I get paid 3 days after my rent is due (my Nan told me not to worry about that because she will lend me the money on the due date and i can pay her back once i've been paid)
- the leftover money i will have each month after rent and monthly expenses is £40 (i already told her and my Grandad this before i moved because me and my Mum had made a budget plan)
- i am unable to work, so i am stuck being paid once a month on a fixed date (which everyone in my family has known for 3 years)
I can't figure out how to make it any clearer that i have no way of magicking up extra money, let alone enough to cover my rent before i am actually paid, without sounding like i think i'm entitled to my grandparents money.
If anyone has any advice, and i mean literally ANY advice, please let me know what you think i could do.
Comments
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I'm sorry your having these difficulties , it can be difficult trying to fully explain to people how hard it is to cope with the financial burden of having to rely on benefits whilst being disabled. I think some older people in particular struggle with this. However that being said I am vintage, but I have had to deal with DWP for years for my children so have an idea of the challenges. Have you had any support from a Benefits Advice worker, or any input from Social Worker, or do you have any input from secondary services for ND or mental health. I don't know all your circumstances but there should be some help out there, of course often UC and some councils often do not know what they are doing, and many now count PIP as income and therefore calculate that you are not entitled to extra help with rent but don't take their word for it find some independent advice and support. If you don't have professional input try contacting CAB, Shelter, or any local support agencies . Benefits and Work is a good forum too , I hope you find some help, Good Luck
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@NDmummy that's the part that confuses me, is that my Mum is also physically disabled, and it was Nan who helped her get all of her benefits set up!
I am sort of under the Havering mental health team, but all they do is phone me once every 3-4 months to ask if i'm thinking of doing anything dangerous. Plus, i am mentally stable at the moment, it's just getting very frustrating.
And no, i don't have a social worker- i had a meeting the week before my 18th birthday with my at-the-time social worker who said i was being transferred to the adults social care team. My residential placement manager said he could confirm that i was being transferred- only to find out two months ago that i was never even referred to be put on the waiting list. The way i found out was by calling Havering social care only to be told that i wasn't and never have been on their system, and that "no-one is entitled to a social worker. We can't give a social worker to anyone who asks for one because we're understaffed" and was then hung up on.
Regarding rent- i am already on the maximum housing benefit that my area allows, as well as the maximum UC i am allowed. Currently i am in the process of having my PIP amount adjusted, but i have yet to hear from them on a decision.
Thank you for the suggestions, it is very much appreciated : )
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Your Nans advice doesn't seem to be motivated by money, as she became your guarantor and is happy to do a temporary loan each month.
Sometimes, when people give us well meaning advice that isn't welcome or practical, the appropriate response is not to take it literally, however annoying and repeatedly we hear it.
Nod and smile while listening, maybe say yes that's a good idea, then simply disregard the advice afterwards to yourself as irrelevant.
Research the broken record technique.
That said it is sensible to have emergency funds, so start saving £1 here and there as you are able to build it up, maybe in an account that pays monthly interest so it will grow slowly over time.
Perhaps you sell something you no longer need, or win a fiver on a scratched. Pop that away in savings.
If you feel you need additional support, you can ask for a formal assessment of your needs.
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@Kimi87 Yes, i never felt it was anything malicious or anything- that was probably bad wording on my part if it came off that way.
It's more just trying to figure out how to explain it without seeming rude- especially because i have an anxiety disorder that screams in my head that anything i say can and will be taken the wrong way, as well as screaming at me to be terrified of everyone around me no matter if they're a family member who i love very much.
Money in particular is a very touchy subject for me, as i'm always worried about admitting if i'm struggling with it. Both my Mum and my Nan have told me not to be stupid and overthink it, but it's just a couple comments that have been made that make me question if this whole thing was even a good idea to begin with.
And yes, i 100% agree about emergency funds- and putting £60 away each month is part of my monthly cost that me and my Mum worked out before i moved. The reason it's that amount is because i have a cat (the amazing Mr Remus aka Weird Creature).
Reading back everything i've typed, i have a feeling that it's mostly just me overthinking things, but i can't exactly just turn that part of my brain off.
Thank you : )
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I'm sorry to hear of your difficulties. Its really hard depending on benefits, especially for disabled people. If your were in residential care., your social worker should have helped you with your transition to adult social services, its seems you have been let down here. Normally, at 18, you should have been given a support worker to replace your social worker, you get this support up to the age of 25, although, this could depend on the area you live.There is also a fund you can apply for to help you move into independent living too, again your social worker should have discussed this with you. I would call your local council and ask for a care assesment meeting and start there.
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@yves hello, and thank you
yes, i was told all of that about social workers, however i seem to have a particularly bad luck with them.
my nice social worker left when i moved from a children's home to supported living when i was 16, and the one i was given afterwords visited twice, disappeared for 8 months (and even her coworkers didn't know where she was when i phoned them to ask), enrolled me in the wrong college course despite me having emailed her screenshots and links, and then the month before my 18th birthday i was told she had been fired.
as i mentioned in an above comment, i had the meeting a week before my 18th saying that i was being given a social worker from the adults team, yet never heard anything. the manager of my supported living accommodation kept telling me that he had contacted them but was told they'd "get back to me"- and it was two months ago (two years after my 18th birthday) that i phoned adult social care and was told that i have never been referred or on their system, and that i am "not entitled to a social worker", and neither is anyone else because "we're understaffed" and then hung up on.
i'm unsure if i would still be able to apply for the independent living fund you've mentioned as it's been almost two months since i've moved, but i will look into it all the same.
i have just looked up about care assessment meetings, but i will most likely not be going ahead with one. my flat is already perfectly accessible for me, and i am not willing to have a paid carer- and i would also rather not run the risk of being told i have to go back into supported living/residential, because i have fought for the last two years to escape my last living situation where gaslighting, guilt tripping, and mistreatment of my cat was happening to me from the staff.
please don't take that last part as me not being appreciative of the advice, i really am.
thank you
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Can you be strict with yourself? Every month transfer a tenner to a savings account and forget about it. After a year you'll have £120.
I'm assuming here that the budget created for you doesn't account for the following. You say you get paid on the 3rd if the month, which I assume will be UC. PIP is usually paid every 4 weeks and WHATEVER date this is paid, there will be 2 months of the year where you will receive 2 payments of PIP (e.g. if you got your next payment of PIP on 1st Sept you'd also get it on 29th Sept, the next time you get paid twice in the same month would be June next year, also happens to be the 1st and the 29th). Put these extra two PIP payments in your savings account; lets say your PIP is £400, on 29th June next year you'd have £120 + £400 + £400 = £920 in your savings account. This should be enough to pay back your Nan.
Do the same the following year to give yourself a financial buffer in case of anything unexpected or you need to pay for a big ticket item.
Some people find this difficult to do. The key for some is moving the money to the savings account so that 'you don't see it'. You'll also earn a small amount of interest.
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@MCMikey hello
yes, i already put £60 aside each month as a backup, as i have a cat.
actually, my rent is due on the 4th every month, and i get paid on the 7th every month- my monthly rent is higher than £920 by itself.
yes, i am aware of the pattern of PIP payments, and each time it has happened since i have had PIP, the extra had been put aside for my rent and utility bills at my previous supported living arrangement.
the issue i have isn't whether i can pay my nan back or not- i can do so 3 days after she lends me the money- it's that i don't want to appear entitled or greedy by explaining that i can't suddenly have a whole months rent ready the month before it's due.
yes, i follow that mindset myself when i put money away in my savings- however my savings account doesn't earn interest.
thank you
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Unfortunately, I hear issues like this often with cared for children. When you apply for the grant, tell them how badly you have been treated and not given the information you really needed to live independently. That you have had to rely on your grandparents. The amount is £2000 which can help with rent, the bond, furniture etc. Also, try calling/ emailing NYAS, Im not sure they can help as I dont know your full situation but they could possibly point you in the right direction.
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Care needs assessments aren't necessarily just about a carer or equipment. They could be a gateway to getting a support worker, something that you might find beneficial.
You could also ask your GP surgery if they have a Social Prescriber.
https://socialprescribingacademy.org.uk/what-is-social-prescribing/
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If it was me, I'd look at it that my Nan was looking out for me. I must admit I would have to have a really hard think to be a guarantor for anyone. My own kids included
That said, I can see how you're stressed at the pressure to have that months rent in advance, possibly in 12 months you could have it … but right now, pie in the sky.
Sadly I've always found that money and family can be like oil and water, not a very good mix
Would it be possible to speak to your housing provider and change your rent due date ? That takes one less 'borrow' out of the equation
It sounds like you're all very close, so you're lucky there. And seems like you've got a good head on your shoulders
Good luck in your new home, hope you have loads of happy times
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@yves hello
yeah, it's unfortunately incredibly common with not only cared for children, but especially cared for children with disabilities/extra needs/mental illness.
thank you very much for the help- i'm pretty sure that both my grandparents and my parents would be able to help with the grant application actually, as they've pretty much been my advocates since i left home.
i will have a go at getting in contact with them, thank you
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@Kimi87 hello
that is something i didn't know, thank you for telling me.
i also haven't heard about Social Prescribers either, so i will look into that too
thank you
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@WelshBlue hello
oh absolutely, i know she's looking out for me and i couldn't be more grateful that she was willing to do this for me- i did mention in another comment that i could have worded all of this wrong, as it's not my intention to show anyone that i dislike my nan or have any negative feeling towards her, i love her to bits.
i think the majority of the stress is another thing i mentioned, that i have a really really bad tendency to overthink- which is what most of the frustration surrounding this situation is. issue number one isn't even really an issue- it's just that i want Nan to understand that as i can't work, i can't multiply my money enough to have it in advance.
the actual issue is that i don't want to seem entitled, greedy, or ungrateful when i say it.
and the issue to that issue is that me overthinking, has led me to type all of this probably incredibly poorly- especially if it seems that i don't appreciate her.
i have actually been emailing my landlord for the last two weeks to ask about adjusting my rent due date but i have yet to get a response, which isn't actually unexpected as i have emailed them about a few other quite important things and also haven't got a response to those (been asking for 4 weeks to have my front door locks changed from attempted break ins)
yes, i am incredibly close to all of my family- which is actually why i moved where i did! i'm now an 8 minute drive away from them compared to 1.5 hours : )
thank you for the well wishes, and the advice : )
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@MaxAardvarkWisbey … I don't think you've come across as negative in any way towards your Nan, in fact the opposite, your gratitude shines through
Generational differences can be a minefield too, different lifestyles, different up bringings, different values. I've told my wife that if she turns into her mum … she's going to live with one of our kids 😛
Over thinking, my gawd I'm over thinking over thinking. Only this morning I told some-one I wish I could turn my head off, once something is in there, fixated.
In my experience, thinking is good, over thinking is tiring and a pain in the butt … it's when I cross the realm into catastrophising the damage gets done
As I said, you seem like you have a good head on shoulders, you don't want anything for free, just some understanding … that's not over thinking, that's human
Maybe write a letter ? Explain how you feel. Less chance of getting tongue tied, frustrated etc
I'm currently going through a PTSD relapse stage … daft as it sounds I write myself a letter every evening, praising how I'm coping.
Tangent. point is … words on paper are far easier to say
you'll get there
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@WelshBlue hello
that's a big relief, thank you- and also a great example of me overthinking lol!
yeah, i get that. i think with my family it's less generational differences and more ability differences- everyone in my family lives by our Nonna's rules (my great-grandmother) like second nature, however not everyone fully understands disabilities or mental health issues. of course no-one's ever rude on purpose though.
oof, i feel that. i say that exact thing to my family all the time, though sometimes it's a result of sleep deprivation and (not diagnosed but highly incredibly likely) adhd lol
yeah i feel the same, but my brain has basically no line of 'standard' overthinking vs 'the world is collapsing in on me' overthinking
thank you, i'll admit that i've calmed down quite a bit rereading everything here, and my original post and comments seem both very stupid to me, but also helpful in seeing my thought process
letters actually are an incredibly good idea, thank you!
me and my cat Mr Remus send our well wishes, thoughts, and hugs (if okay) in regards to the PTSD relapse- i've been there quite a few times in the last few months
thank you : )
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@MaxAardvarkWisbey Hi Max my names Emily. Im so sorry to hear that your struggling. Whole money situation is minefield of its own making and I am sorry that you find yourself that situation your in bless you! What about something like a supported living I myself have thought about it but thought against it as I know my family would want to be somewhere where there people who I know can care for me. Do you have anyone could help you? Work out the money situation? Perhaps a friend or family member. I know what you're feeling because though I live with my parents still all rhe money sidenof I constantly worry about. I wanted to work a few months ago and had the opportunity to until it got u turned. Perhaps try and research it yourself? Only if you comfortable doing it though Max. I do understand what you mean I have Epilepsy so I do understand max i really do. Emily 🙂🙂 @pooleemily29
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@MaxAardvarkWisbey … hugs are always good.
Just keep an eye on Mr. Remus. Cats are always happy for me to pet them for 5 minutes … then decide they identify as tigers and decide to try and savage me
Take care
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This seems like a perfect opportunity for a social worker to help MaxAardvarkWisbey.
Please they should be available, if you have access to the internet I suggest you search for your local council and "emergency duty team". Tell them the problem.
Again your local council should have a "Social Care Direct" telephone number if you search the internet. Tell them too.
Otherwise, organisations offering advice and assistance probably exist for whatever your specific disability is. They'll be on the internet.
If the maths you describe above is correct, something clearly isn't adding up. We all need enough to eat and deserve enough to have a life.
If I was in your position they're the first places I'd look.
Regardless of funding and resources you're entitled to a social worker, that should be their job.
Good luck
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Why is your rent so high, do you need such an expensive place, do you live in an expensive area, one of the best ways of saving is to reduce your expenses like rent that way you will have more of your UC available? Have you thought of looking for a cheaper accommodation somewhere else?
I have organised for UC to pay my rent directly to my landlord, that way I don't have to worry about having enough money to pay the rent, maybe your landlord would let you change the date if you offered to have your rent paid directly to them?0
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