Ring, Ring...is Highly Unlikely!

Reverse the charges just to rattle things up gotta laugh or we may cry ....  

Hello @IanHaines I am like yourself.  I can identify this situation all the time.  What is perculiar is that when someone who does ring up who is supposed to be a friend or accidently ring up for something.  I had this sort of friend me more friends with him.  Suddenly sent me a text one night .  I am sitting down watching Strictly and the mobile goes off.  Next few minutes I had to say hang on can it wait.  You have not spoken to me for nearly getting on for months.  I stood me ground and about come half eight ringing me to say I am lonely the name of his ex wife got a new man and what can he do about it.  I was flabbergasted and had to say a few choices of words.  Which he could not believe his ears.  Remember I had tried and failed to contact these sort of fairweather friends.  Sent numerous texts and phone calls everytime no response.  I had enough I am now on my own but I am not being differcult and do now rely on sometimes my judgement.  I had this recently and was being used.  I do have a lad up the road who I can contact if I wish to but I know he has a partner who has similar problems like myself.  I will only ring if I have an issue or a problem with something.  I am one of these people who does not like someone being in my face.  I have good morals and Christian values and will help anybody.  Some times have trust issues with people.  I believe out there are people who are like you and me and others in our community.  Unfortunately now in my early fifties still seeking those who like myself.  In the past used and abused for everything from money and personal stuff plus my use of my car plus have suffered mate crime. Hope and pray for those like myself.  Thank you for reading this and I hope you find comfort.

Hello @IanHaines thank you for replying.  I like you comments on GP appointments.  Had same experience I recall one lad rang me up because he seems to visit his GP for every little thing.  His words were got told off by this locum and told have to change.  Might not see me next time and will have to look at everything.  Rang me a disabled gentleman with mental health issues.  Never inquired asked about me ever.  I am in to my diet and health to keep me positive and my wellbeing.  Plus my spices and herbs.  Well he got told why not with every ounce of negativity on the phone every question.  I need someone like you I said in a few words I could get in come with me to leisure centre.  The gym that ended the chat and he stopped talking and cut me off.  I laughed out loud first time for ages.  Sorry if I was being insensitive which I was not.  I had this lad in my ears for two hours plus banging on how he was and this and that.  I had a feeling that he will never change.  I also recall seem him in the place where I live and straight away avoid me.  Which is good because he will remain the same.  I like to think I can move on and try to be positive and try and be well.

It sounds like the people you refer to may have the wrong idea of what a friendship is

There's an argument that a healthy friendship involves people who can actually cope just fine without each other… because then when you spend time together it's because you're enhancing each others' lives, not because you're using each other to fill holes that are missing

In other words you want to spend time together, you don't just do it because you have to

It sounds like your friends contact you when they need you for that something, but when they can get by without you, there's no desire to

That's not a reflection on you, but them…you just need to find people who value you, not who see you as a resource to be tapped into

Easier said than done I know but you'll get there

@IanHaines

r.e. your last paragraph, I'd not use the word unattractive but I think the signals it sends tend to be picked up by people looking for (not necessarily intentionally) an unhealthy friendship

The way I understand it is there comes a point where you're content not doing this, not that no friendship is ideal, just it's better than an unhealthy one. Then, you (naturally, not consciously) start sending out a different signal, i.e. "I can take care of my life, being friends with you would just enhance my life", I think that's when healthy friendships develop

The way it was summed up to me, "the best friendships aren't based on need", I don't necessarily agree it's that black-and-white. I personally think it's okay to "need" friends on some levels, and I'd be touched to be considered "needed". I guess the nature of that need is the crucial difference? Relying on a friend in order to function is a huge burden on them, especially if they have health issues of their own. Perhaps there a sweet spot where the need is flattering, but not a burden. To make it more complicated I imagine that sweet spot is different for every person!

I agree about your mental health/social platform comment. The thing that's helped me as much as, probably more than, any doctor is being able to go to groups to interact with peers who are in a similar situation to me. With agoraphobia pretty much ruling that out it must be hard.

After so many years you've probably already considered all the options so I'm assuming you've looked at online groups over Zoom and similar programs? I don't mean ones like this (although helpful) but more ones organised for certain people by a professional, so you're more likely to meet peers who are in a relatable position. I'm in the opposite situation to you as I can go out but not use the phone/voice chat, so have no experience; but if you're confident speaking on the phone this could be an option?