What would you do.?
Ok ,I wasn't going to put this on here,it I'd like some opinions, I know not everyone is capable of helping another person and not legally bound too,but here's the story.....
I Only leave my home twice a month due to various health conditions, and never alone, two weeks back I went to a local store ,my sister took myself and my mum in her car,as usual, I could feel my self ,starting to sweat and tried to carry on as we got there, its a three min journey, we weren't going around the entire store as I often can't, anyway I got into the store toilet and sat down on it splashing my face and neck with water, my eyes and hearing were starting to go, and I was blacking out.
My sis went to bring the car close to the door, mum had gone and paid for the few items she manged to get and was outside waiting.
After about ten mins, I left the toilet and staggered to the exit, legs like spaghetti, hearing and sight still going, I know I passed loads of people by,I could just about see them in my daze ,got to exit where a bench sits collapsed onto it.
In and out of consciousness, I could see people old and young pass me by, no one stopped, they just looked and walked on. Mum had no idea what was going on, but she knew after I managed to get myself up with a struggle and out to her that something was wrong, she told me later my face was white as a sheet.
Her mobility is bad and she's almost 80 so she couldn't have helped much anyway. My sister just pulled up in the car , she told us afterwards the traffic was so slow moving thats what kept her longer , and then got me into it, I was again going into faints.
So? Would you have stopped, called a member of staff? Walked on. ?
Wouldn't be the first time I helped someone in my day. From folks in seizures,to collapses, bleeding faces after a tumble ,even a child caught in a turnstile, BY HER NECK. !
Anyway... Thoughts please or your stories. Thank you. X
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I would definitely have stopped and checked that you were ok, I have done loads of times (other people) it takes a couple of seconds to check on someone.
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@Kim8 ,yes i definitely would have too. Its taken me two weeks to get over it, i hurt myself too as I hit the bench.Didn't feel it until later. Tbh I wasn't even embarrassed when I thought about it later on, but what I did think was ill bet people were saying I was drunk. I don't drink never have done. Thanks for your reply. X
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So sorry to hear that @Doglover2. I hope you are ok now. When bad things happen, when I've gone out, it undermines my confidence so much I then don't go out for several months. Not because I wasn't helped (I fainted 🙄😬) I was very embarrassed but received help.
I am a nurse (not on the Register since March this year 😪) so whether obliged to legally, or not, morally I would have to try and help, despite my conditions/state!
In 2023 I parked up at my local small Sainsbury, December, and a lady had fallen on leaves. She was very elderly c 90+ and with her son ? C 60's and didn't seem in great health himself, . I called paramedics and stayed with her. She had a fractured hip, her son kindly updated me and I let Sainsburys staff know, who'd helped. Several customers got stuff from their car to help cover her, I only had dog blankets which I wouldn't use (but in my defence they were fairly clean!)!
My dog was recovering from surgery and I was praying paramedics wouldn't be long as I needed to get home. After c 15 mins I stopped thinking about my dog totally (that is not normal for me!) ! 1.5 hours later they came. I'm glad I had not left her, I never would, not even now with my poor health. I was able, I think, to comfort her a bit, she chatted to me about stuff and I could find out from her son what medications she was on and conveyed that to paramedics succinctly.
People are I find often fearful of just doing the wrong thing and genuinely don't know what to do. Or think someone has been drinking etc etc. It's a bit different for me as a nurse, I didn't/still do not, fear any situation in that respect.
I really hope you start to feel able to go out again, even if supported by your sister and mum.
I've 'got' to go to Wales next week, longest journey I'll have done since c 2021. My sister is picking me up and other sister will bring me back same day but monumental effort for me/fearful, but I want to see them and my brother in law and their cat and dog!
With warmest wishes and hugs to you xx
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BTW what I didn't say to you is her son told me that 'I'd focused her mind' as she told me about the cats she'd had (after I'd waffled on about my dogs). Most importantly that she was less scared. So I clearly would not have been able to get rid of her pain but FEAR was her overriding factor. Any/all of us I'd suggest would be fearful in that situation so if you have no medical/nursing 'skills' you can still help by just being there.
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Once a couple of years ago I watched someone get on the bus who was breathing heavily and he seemed to struggle with his breath even when sitting on the bus. I kept an eye on him and he slumped over and I immediately called for help thinking he was having a heart attack because of the way he was. A couple of first aiders on the bus came to assist him, and it turned out he had a lung condition. I was the only person on the bus to actually raise the alarm as everyone else seemed too occupied to do anything. The man had a relative or friend come onto the bus and more information was revealed about this bloke and who he is before an ambulance was called. Nobody but the bus driver thanked me for bringing the situation to everybody's attention.
Sometimes trying to do the right thing can make you feel stupid and question why you even bothered trying to help. Perhaps I was just too caring and people just aren't that way inclined these days.
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I'm so sorry this happened to you. I wonder if it was a panic attack sort of thing? I'm guessing so don't take that as gospel.
And it's rotten that no one offered to help or just ask if you were ok? It's not difficult. But I do think some people are so wrapped up in their own world they don't notice what's going on around them. Or maybe they thought you were drunk or whatever. ( please don't take offence at that as I certainly don't mean any. I'm trying to look through a strangers eyes). Would I have stopped to help? Most definitely. Have done before when I've seen someone fall . I remember years ago,I was walking towards the bus stop and saw a lady the other side of the street trip and go down. I must've darted across the road, don't actually remember crossing though. Me and another woman got her back on her feet. We wanted to get her checked out but she was adamant she was going to bingo! I hope she won after that !😄. Looking back, I ran across two bus lanes to get to her, instinct just kicked in and I went for it.
I'm thinking about what happened to you. And to go back to panic attacks. What used to help me was to focus on something green. Could be a shop front, something on a shelf in green packaging. Anything. Just look at it for a few moments, concentrate, calm . It helped me.
I hope you never have another experience like the one you did have. You must have been so frightened. Take it steady x
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I have helped people on the past and would do so again even if they look or act drunk. Hope you're feeling better.
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@Santosha12 yes absolutely there's a moral situation, thats why I could never pass by.
I suffer from such bad digestive problems amongst a host of other conditions, that I pass out due to extreme pain.
I was so far "gone " I didn't even think of embarrassment, as i say I rarely go out and never alone for numerous reasons.
I feel if you can help in any way,being it an animal or human,a wee bit of care Costs nothing. Thank you. X
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@JD_INCINERATOR you see,that was my thoughts afterwards, they didnt know if I was taking a stroke,cardiac arrest or whatever . Nor did they care. I have cardiac problems too.
Luckily it wasn't that.
Good for you . Helping anyone is a blessing for them. X
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@birdwatcher Def not a panic attak ive had those since childhood. They are still around regular feature in my life.
This was gut related overwhelming pain. I've passed out hundreds of times due to it. But not outdoors for the past 15 yrs as I rarely go out.
Thank you. X
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Honestly… There's nothing I can do to help anyone any more. I'm not physically strong enough for them to lean on, let alone lift them back up to standing (as proven when my Nan had a fall a few years ago and we got in a right mess!). And now I can't even speak to them or phone for an ambulance. I'm also incredibly squeamish and likely to faint myself at the sight of an injury! Though I know I'm fairly unusual, so I am surprised that no-one stopped to help in this case.
I have been in a few similar situations where no-one stopped to help though. One of which was a minor car accident where someone hit my car from the next lane and then we both stopped, blocking the whole road, but no-one else got out of their cars to offer any assistance at any point! The one I remember most was the last time I attempted to go shopping myself though. I did manage to drive to the store, only a few minutes away. But then really struggled to get out of the car, managed to walk just a few yards from a disabled space across to the entrance where there were several pillars holding up the front of the roof. I grabbed onto one on those pillars and then couldn't move either way! Couldn't get forward into the store, and couldn't get back to the car again. No idea how long I was there, felt like a very long time but was probably only a few minutes in reality. Plenty of customers coming and going around me. Eventually I managed to sort of 'fall' towards the wall of the store and then walk back holding the wall all the way back to the car. That was the last time I attempted to drive and the last time I attempted to shop. Haven't done either since as there aren't any shops within my walking distance sadly.
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@OverlyAnxious I'm also physically unable to lift or move someone, I'd never even expect anyone to do that. But a few words,"Are you OK"? Or "Can I help"?
Mind you I was spark out ,but I kept coming too and drifting off again, thats when I saw people's feet pass by. And trolleys go by.
I can't walk far so this store is v close to home, I usually don't even walk the entire store,didnt get the chance to do much that day. 🙄
Thank you. X
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Oh @Doglover2 , I also have digestive issues that causes extreme pain (why I fainted) which is why I'm mostly housebound.
If I'm out and about (rarely) I could not walk on by. I'll help - despite my walking stick in tow!! I don't really think that's anything to do with me being a nurse (although maybe my own past A and E experience gives me less fear), or the thought of being sued if I did something wrong - that's often been a feature in training I've had; that in itself hasn't worried me, maybe it helps me (subconsciously) to try my best to do the right thing. I think, I might he wrong, but when people suspect it's either a seizure, being drunk or on drugs or mental health related, people 'side step' it. I'm generalising there of couse but thankfully not everyone would walk on by. I'm not mentally health trained but worked for a national helpline. Its strange, I have no fear relating to others' issues, including mental health, but do towards my own and wanting to accept help.
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I can actually relate to what you've said. I had a very traumatic car accident in September 2019 at 0500hrs involving a fairly big animal. I won't be graphic, except to say it didn't suffer. I went back in a taxi to get it, took it to my vets. I'm sure he thought I was completely mad. I've never been able to drive on that road since or any lane.
@doglover2 , have to say what an enlightening thread. Some situations are less traumatic than others, either for those suffering or those witnessing it. I was with my dad when he was hit by a speeding car and can easily relive that, every moment of it, despite it being on 26th November 1971!!!
I genuinely think most people mean well even if they become paralysed through fear and don't actually do anything to help.
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I would try not to think about it too much. I agree that people are less aware of others and also less inclined to get involved, but there are many reasons for this. My dad’s 85 and would help anyone, but is hesitant especially with women or children as he doesn’t want to be accused of anything. And although your attack was awful for you, many of the symptoms that are terrifying for the one experiencing it aren’t obvious to a non-medical person. Eg your vision, hearing or sweating, even your palor may not be obvious. I think if you had something like a nose bleed, which is obvious to us all you’d have received a lot more offers of help, I’m sure. Even if you were staggering it can be misjudged. I went to Dublin with a couple of girlfriends, one of which has a degenerative condition and walked with an obvious gait. As we were leaving a pub (sober) someone shouted out ‘great swagger’. They just didn’t take the time to join the dots that she was disabled. I lost vision after a fall playing netball I carried on playing - blind (which was awful and frightening) but no one noticed. I’m not sure whether that says more about them or my netball skills 😂 You may not be able to change others, but you can ask ‘if it happened again what could be different?’. I’ve had to pull the red cord in a supermarket loo before and although a bit embarrassing I got help. Something I’ve learned over my 35 years of chronic pain is to speak up. It’s hard but better than being in increased pain or worse. Hope you feel better soon.
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@JennieWren Likewise, my parents are the same but not steady on their feet . My dad had a horrible accident at home two yrs ago and we almost lost him. He'd have been the first forward to help but as you say was a bit wary of being accused of something. What a world eh!.
Yes ive had chronic pain in various forms since I was 13, I am 60 now. If only people gave a care. I don't dwell on things because ive enough to cope with tbh. Like most of us on here. Thank you. X
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People with diabetes can act drunk if they have really low blood sugar . Someone with menieres stagger sometimes (my dad does). There are multiple illnesses that mimic being drunk or high. It costs nothing to check and make sure people are OK. So sad that people just 'walk on by' these days.
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One of my (weirder) diagnoses is BPPV. When I was at the vet a few days ago I walked into the wall 🤣🙄. Luckily I didn't bang my dogs head into it, he might have needed even more teeth out!! I can't drive most of the time because of that and spatial awareness issues due to LC. Doctors never try now to get rid of the crystals now which they think are causing it as my blood pressure just rockets when they try. I've tried it myself but just go well dizzy. Some 'invisible' disabilities just cause derision which is sad. I sometimes think it would be quite nice if it were just alcohol causing it 🤔 🙄!! ....At least then I could get sober!! BTW, I don't mean to sound quite so flippant as I do as all are aerious and impactful on our lives.
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