Catching up

Hi Starry,

Just a very quick catchup. Sis has gone for her train. Had to stay longer than planned as in such a state but healing well now. One week since surgery. Getting some face shape back after being a puffa fish! Sis took pics to get a timeline so will post later. Will have to go for a nap in a mo but will catch up soon.

Hope you are having a great time on your hols. Beautiful virtual pressies! Have to eat soft foods with the handle of a teaspoon as could barely open my mouth and need a drinking straw. So those chocs would still be tempting me if they were real. Ice cream, hummus, soups. Getting some soft cheeses in with crumpets.

Off for a nap hun but see you later xxx

Hi Starry,

Thank you for the hugs and kisses and relaxing music. I'm more a hip hop, old school rave, techno kinda gal. But I do like ragga and reggae. When the neighbours put music on in the garden I blast my own just so I don't have to listen to them.

Glad your hols gave you good experiences to use again. And next time I buy incense I'll get that Goloka (or Golum so I can remember it).

Quite relieved to get my own space back again with sis gone home. We don't really get along naturally so not not a relaxing vibe. She's very easily offended and I'm very much without a filter, open and honest. So I've been catching up on washing and general tidying. I realise I like how I live and the freedom of living alone. We couldn't be more different and even as kids it was difficult. But I kept thanking her for all she has done in caring for me because I do appreciate it. Not sure how I would have managed without her. Will see her again very soon for the follow up next Tues. No more treatment. Just regular checkups 3 monthly for 2 years and then less frequent after that for 5 years. So certainly keeping an eye on me. And I'll get to see sis throughout the year.

Will be catching up on my jigsaw puzzle today. Have to rest between doing everything physical. Even getting ready is exhausting. But I'm healing well. Still waiting for sis to send me the pics.

Will keep popping in to say hi. Having a new friend is nice.

Lots of love xxx😀

Hi Starry,

Still finding my feet but recovering well. Loads of stitches inside my mouth on one side. Can't wait to clean my teeth with a toothbrush! The Corsodyle mouthwash is antiseptic / anti biobiotic but I have a thing about cleaning my teeth so not the best. Sis said I'm a very bad patient and have no patience. I had to tell her I'm not one of her childa! I'm elder by 3 years and she's always fought with me. Half the time I have no clue why. Her issues, whatever they are. But I am grateful to her for caring for me. She's ignoring my phonecalls and texts so I've given up trying. Will see her when she comes back.

Been catching up on housework and washing the crystal for candles and xmas greenery in preperation. Ordered some tartan bedding greens and reds) and a fun peppermint sticks furry one for xmas day. Since mam passed 4 years ago I couldn't bear everything about xmas - no food or treats, tv, decs or pressies. All of the xmas decs from my parents are in the loft and I still can't open the boxes. Just too painful. But having sis over has sparked a light for a new type of xmas (decor - house and garden).

I have another batch of plants arriving soon so if I can I'll get planting up. If I make a start it's better than not. I've missed being out there, although it has been raining a lot.

Will keep in touch. Thanks for the music babe. Listening to some R&B soul at the mo. Need to feed my wild things. Sis said she wouldn't do it and they aren't real pets. But they are to me. I love my fox cub and have been feeding him since he was born. Sweetie would wait and dart out at him with her hands in the air, standing up like a meer cat to frighten him. He'd go squealing up the garden with his egg!

Lots of love xxx😀

Hiya,

Haven't started on xmas decs yet but did get my plants delivery and it took about an hour to unbox and sort through. And with the rain I didn't have to water any of it. Hope I can start potting up tomorrow. Have a range of white, blue and purple pansies and viola's with blue grape, hyacinths (white and blue's) and crocus I think. Have a bunch of pastels too. Garden was drenched when I was out there. But we have 2 clear days ahead to make a start. Going to turn cold at night with a few minus. Got a banana plant in the sale so I'll have to remember to take it in.

I only started chatting with sis again when my mam passed about 4 years ago so still getting to know one another. She's so very outspoken and really quite rude. She even made comments about me back answering her because I wouldn't do as I was told! Si I'm hoping her next visit will be less strained. She'd go off on one if I behaved like that towards her. I refuse to be her project. She sees my honesty as being unfiltered, as if that's a bad thing. I have no time for mind games.

Yes the mouth is still incredibly uncomfortable. More of a pressure than actual pain. But the swelling continues to go down. I now have a cheekbone again but still very distorted. Sis is ignoring me and won't send the pics of my surgery to me. Posted to the group chat so I don't understand it. Hope I can see my therapist in the next day or two. Will be good to vent about sis. Get it out of my system.

Sweetie has been out chasing the little fox when he came to collect his eggs. She's so hostile towards anything that ventures into her garden. I gave him an extra few eggs to console him!

Love that you embrace your darkness too. Part of life. I must have been quite wicked in my past lives to have had cancer 3 times (in my mid twenties, thirties and now fifties). But the silver lining is that it was a random thing and they don't know why. Don't know how long it will take to actually heal so I can brush my teeth. Tried a finger swab and had to stop. Can't open my mouth enough on that side. Will need to whiten my teeth after all this is over. That's if I have any left!

Night hun xxx😉

Hi Starry,

So pleased your xmas preps are going well. I slept and rested a lot of yester. No gardening or housework apart from the usual routine of dishes and washing / drying. Watched Saltburn again. Such a fab film. Didn't get into the garden so might try again today. If I can get my pansies and viola's done that will be a massive achievement. My hostas in hanging baskets have been drenched so will probs take them down to store if I can. Just have no oomph at the mo.

Not at all sure why sis was so wound up when she stayed. I was enjoying her being here. She did say that she'd never been away from her family for a week and because I wouldn't just be a child and do as I was told I think she felt rejected. Not mine to own. She's coming back again tomorrow so I'll see how she is. Not a long stay as just a checkup.

Really uncomfortable with the stitches all along the teeth line. Still can't open my mouth wide enough to get a toothbrush in. Driving me mad!

Much love to ya xxx

Hi Starry,

Your little one looks just like my Porscha when she was young. Makes me laugh how tiny the box is! I revamped Sweetie's fave tunnel, reinforcing with extra cardboard and parcel tape to keep it going a little longer. Quite worried that she's been gone all afternoon and isn't on her sofa or anywhere in the garden. My little fox came looking for his eggs and that's unusual given how wary of her he is. Very cold out there now. I do hope she comes back.

Had to rest again today so didn't get anything done that I wanted to. Maybe's I can do some planting tomorrow while I wait for sis. Tried phoning and texting but she's not picking up. Need to know what time to collect her from the station. Started the car up in prep as haven't used it for 2 weeks. Can't believe it's been that long. The stitches all along the inside of my cheek are to pull the soft tissue back together as the cancer was in a minor salivary gland. Didn't think it was going to be such a major surgery. The first hospital just cut out most of the lump when they thought it was a cyst and I drove back home straight after. Thought I'd be swimming and making the most of sis being here, not recovering. But if it heals and I can crack on with life it will have been worthwhile.

Good job with the xmas plant decor. I have 3 xmas trees coming start of Dec for the garden. It's my new tradition since losing mam, dad and my beloved Porscha. I got bargain seconds so hopefully they will have enough pine needles to look half decent. I usually make a wreath too with bits. Each year is something different and always too large to hang on a door. Have to tie them to the pergola legs.

Must give Sweetie another shout. She's never been gone this long. Have all the lights on to guide her home.

Take care babe and keep enjoying the festive decs. You can see all the xmas adds on you tube. I like the Kiera Knightly and the comedian with the beard who used to be the oddball neighbour in the 'Him and Her' comedy.

Don't have pics to hand but will post when I find them. And I'll post my baskets too when I do them. Photographing everything is a great motivator.

Lots of love xxx😁

Hi Starry,

Oh thankyou for posting the ad. I hadn't seen the full thing. So lovely. I#ve always liked both of them.

Sweetie has popped out for a bit, waiting for the little fox. He only has 2 eggs tonight as the Amazon Fresh was out of eggs. I'll have to call her in in a bit as it's freezing. Snowed, sleeted and rained today with a burst of sunshine so a bit of everything. Two degrees now.

Sis went home lunchtime and I felt so sorry for myself that I just slept most of the day. My checkup yester was postponed as the surgeon was 'ill' so I'll be seeing sis again in 3 weeks. Couldn't get parked in a disabled bay dropping her off at the station so had to pay a tenner to park in an ordinary bay for 5 mins so a horrible day all in all. Always hits me how fragile and alone I am in life after she leaves. But I have my therapist tomorrow. Always gets things into perspective.

Teeth are aching with not being able to brush them but I can open my mouth a little more now. Will just have to keep going with the Corsodyle mouth wash. It doesn't seem real what has happened. The surgery has been quite brutal. Stitches will dissolve so that is something. I just hope it doesn't come back again.

Really missing my mam and dad. In tears a lot at the mo with their anniversaries. It still doesn't seem real. Chatting about our childhood with sis helps. It makes them be real again. Be present. I feel so lost without them.

Going to get Sweetie in before she freezes.

Lots of love xxx😁

Hi Starry,

Just realised my mam's anniversary is now or I've just missed it but can't bring myself to look in my diary. Teary just writing this. I feel so fragile at the mo. Just want my parents back and life to go back to normal. The thought of another empty xmas alone kills me. Whatever I do is empty. I have the 3 xmas trees coming for the garden in memory of mam, dad and my beloved Porscha. My new tradition. But it just makes me cry.

The window stickers are a good idea because I canlt do the full on decor like I used to. Like these ones:

Such a lovely idea to do it together and then we can take a pic to post. I'll be uniting my own garden with the xmas scene. I have a mother and foal in the loft to add to my xmas trees. They light up. Will create a display for sis coming down. Just going through the motions in my head has no oomph or sparkle. Soz babe, just in a really dark place and I can't seem to climb out of it.

I usually add some special xmas trinkets to my tree of life in the shrine. Another thing for another day. Lots of xmas decor in the street already. Get dazzled when I'm closing the curtains. Have you done any more to your xmas theme?

Must get dressed. Was waiting for my new bird feeders to be delivered. Old ones had tufts growing out the bottom as they didn't close properly. And I've already done an Amazon shop for eggs for my little fox. He was at the kitchen door wondering why I didn't have his treats! Will give him some extra tonight, or rather 4 because it comes in black by then. Sis thinks I'm mad feeding the wild things but they are my extra pets. Sweetie is curled up on her cushion having a wash. Hates the cold and wet.

Let me know which stickers you like. Such a good idea!

Lots of love xxx

Hi Starry,

I forgot about the delivery fees re Spain so good thinking. Cleaning the window is on my to do list and also finishing the other widows with the church effect plastic panelling. Allows the light in and casts rainbows everywhere on a sunny day. Better than all the blinds and nets I had up for the nosy neighbours. Will take a pic to post.

I made a good start in the loft today sorting xmas things to do. So they are ready when I am. I'll do the stags when I get my xmas trees up in the garden. Think it's around the 4th Dec. But I have about 15 roses to plant end of Nov before the festive vibe can begin. Hope the rain stays off. Garden is drenched. I did a lot of potting up with plants for my xmas tables so have to jiggle them about for a more streamlined look instead of being plonked after planting up. Looked at the forecast and more rain on the way with random days in the next couple of weeks. So will just have to play it by ear.

Today has been very productive. Cleaned the bathroom and kitchen. I've been so worn out lately that even getting dressed has been too much. So I hope it lasts. I sorted a bundle of xmas puzzles too for the xmas period. Mam always had one on the go on the big table. I have to make do with a picture I created from David Austen rose packaging. It was so pretty I sellotaped it onto a framework. Don't know where mam's puzzle board went during the move. So many things were sorted to charity without even asking me if I wanted any of it. Still upsets me.

Going to get my Sweetie in. She's been napping all afternoon. Probs in my textile work. She had me awake at 5 and then 7 but I managed to coax her back to bed. I have to pretend the door won't open when it's still dark.

Looking forward to seeing your window. You've given me the push I needed to get started. I have a selection of mams lovely crystal with candles to create displays on the window sills. Will be very pretty with the festive scene in candlelight.

Off to get the little one in. Mt baby fox didn't come but a big grey one did. He'd spotted the eggs and I'm assuming took them all because there's none left. Not sure if there's a pack of them. Very healthy looking. Not surprised with the 6 cans of dog food (when it's cold), 6 eggs, fatballs and sardines when I can get them in my shop. Sis thinks I'm mad but I love my wild things.

Night hun xxx😁Wish my teeth were as white! The Corsodyle is certainly taking it's toll.