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Feeling lonely & isolated

the_velvet_girlthe_velvet_girl Member Posts: 107 Courageous
Does anyone else feel lonely and left behind socially by their friends?
I have a significant birthday next year & had decided to have a party for it. I set up a Facebook group & invited my friends that live locally. Only one person was able to attend so I've cancelled my party. My birthday is too close to Christmas for people to be able to afford to attend.
The majority of the time when I ask my friends to go for a coffee they don't have enough money, don't have child care and don't want to bring their kids or are too busy working. I was discussing this with my parents who stated that by my age I should really have had kids or at least a partner and be working full time and this is a normal part of getting older. I'm beginning to feel like a failure for not achieving these things. Does anyone else feel the same?
I'm lucky I do have one close friend who I see about once a month & we are going to an aquarium for a special day out for my birthday but I just wish I had more friends to go out with. I'm starting to feel lonely. Is there anyone else in the same situation?

Replies

  • bevt2017bevt2017 Member Posts: 353 Pioneering
    Hi @the_velvet_girl
    I'm so sorry your going through a difficult time.
    Yes!! I do know what your going through.
    before my disabilitys, I was a very active person. I had a lot of friends and co-workers and socialised a lot.
    When I moved away, and my disabilitys started. i lost contact with nearly everyone. (Except for facebook). One of my closet friends doesn't talk to me any more, and only came to visit me once in 2 years. Im not sure why? I never asked. Maybe she feels upset seeing me the way i am now? I do have one good friend I talk to, but she lives about 2 hours away. 
    I do find talking to people on scope, helps me deal with my issues better. And they have given me valuable information and advice, to get help and support I really need. 
    I do have a husband and 3 children, but sometimes I do feel so alone. None of them can understand what I have to go through on a daily basis. And I struggle with my deppression. 
    I hope someone from scope, can give you some advice
    I wish you all the very best
    Bev
  • GeoarkGeoark Member, Scope Volunteer Posts: 1,376 Disability Gamechanger

    @the_velvet_girl my daughter has always had the same problems regarding her birthday, as she was born Christmas Eve.

    I often find parents make the stupidest remarks thinking they are 'helping'.

    Part of me feels that my daughter should be working full time by now, but then while her contract is for 12 hours a week she often works far more than this. But also she is actually happy with how things are at the moment and has an excellent work life balance. So who am I to sit in judgement?

    Just checking back I noticed you were looking for employment advice, did you get anywhere? If not check out the new Scope Support to Work program?https://www.scope.org.uk/support/services/employment/support-work

    As my daughter would tell you - normal is over rated.

    My daughter has a few good friends, and with Aspergers she has reached a comfortable level of contact with them as well as having the time to herself she needs. But even to get these few good friends she had to put herself outside her comfort zone, but met most of them while following one or more of her interests.

    I hope you enjoy your day out and your birthday.

    As an individual I stood alone.
    As a member of a group I did things.
    As part of a community I helped to create change!

  • the_velvet_girlthe_velvet_girl Member Posts: 107 Courageous
    I've put in for a few jobs but I've not had any interviews yet. I think having a lot more free time has made me realize how isolated I actually am. I was looking forward to visiting friends & going for a coffee during the week alongside job hunting but my friends always say they are too busy with their children's activities during the week if they are not working. 
    I use occasionally chat to some of my uni friends on Facebook & although it's lovely to hear from them, it isn't practical to meet as the majority live the opposite end of the UK & have kids.
  • mossycowmossycow Member Posts: 499 Pioneering
    Eeeerrrrrr no. Sorry to disagree with your parents but no way. Life isn't a set of instructions where at this age you have kids and this age that and that!

    You have your own journey and as disabled people we are not always in control of have the full choices available. 

    I have felt the same and one day I was a bit brave and rolled (cos 8jbmy wheelchair I don't walk... I rock and roll!) passed a friendship group which happened to be held in a church. They do different stuff each week... Sounds a bit cheese but the group 5ime is lovely and it was so nice to be going to the shops and have a new friend say hi across the street. 

    Also Facebook groups for hobbies are FB. TV programs, craft, place where you live.... All full 9fnpeoole 3ith a similar interest than you. 

    I'm sorry about your birthday. Your first plan didn't work out but honestly that's not just you. Get a new plan! Take it as an excuse to go and do something you've not done before. 

    And don't feel pressure 5o do anything and feel anything you are not. Just be you. That is more than enough! 

    "I'm trying to live like a random poem I read that ended 'to bloom where we are planted"

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