As We Near World Mental Health Day – Tips For Looking After Our Mental Health 💆

Hi Starry,

Your little one looks just like my Porscha when she was young. Makes me laugh how tiny the box is! I revamped Sweetie's fave tunnel, reinforcing with extra cardboard and parcel tape to keep it going a little longer. Quite worried that she's been gone all afternoon and isn't on her sofa or anywhere in the garden. My little fox came looking for his eggs and that's unusual given how wary of her he is. Very cold out there now. I do hope she comes back.

Had to rest again today so didn't get anything done that I wanted to. Maybe's I can do some planting tomorrow while I wait for sis. Tried phoning and texting but she's not picking up. Need to know what time to collect her from the station. Started the car up in prep as haven't used it for 2 weeks. Can't believe it's been that long. The stitches all along the inside of my cheek are to pull the soft tissue back together as the cancer was in a minor salivary gland. Didn't think it was going to be such a major surgery. The first hospital just cut out most of the lump when they thought it was a cyst and I drove back home straight after. Thought I'd be swimming and making the most of sis being here, not recovering. But if it heals and I can crack on with life it will have been worthwhile.

Good job with the xmas plant decor. I have 3 xmas trees coming start of Dec for the garden. It's my new tradition since losing mam, dad and my beloved Porscha. I got bargain seconds so hopefully they will have enough pine needles to look half decent. I usually make a wreath too with bits. Each year is something different and always too large to hang on a door. Have to tie them to the pergola legs.

Must give Sweetie another shout. She's never been gone this long. Have all the lights on to guide her home.

Take care babe and keep enjoying the festive decs. You can see all the xmas adds on you tube. I like the Kiera Knightly and the comedian with the beard who used to be the oddball neighbour in the 'Him and Her' comedy.

Don't have pics to hand but will post when I find them. And I'll post my baskets too when I do them. Photographing everything is a great motivator.

Lots of love xxx😁

Hi Starry,

Oh thankyou for posting the ad. I hadn't seen the full thing. So lovely. I#ve always liked both of them.

Sweetie has popped out for a bit, waiting for the little fox. He only has 2 eggs tonight as the Amazon Fresh was out of eggs. I'll have to call her in in a bit as it's freezing. Snowed, sleeted and rained today with a burst of sunshine so a bit of everything. Two degrees now.

Sis went home lunchtime and I felt so sorry for myself that I just slept most of the day. My checkup yester was postponed as the surgeon was 'ill' so I'll be seeing sis again in 3 weeks. Couldn't get parked in a disabled bay dropping her off at the station so had to pay a tenner to park in an ordinary bay for 5 mins so a horrible day all in all. Always hits me how fragile and alone I am in life after she leaves. But I have my therapist tomorrow. Always gets things into perspective.

Teeth are aching with not being able to brush them but I can open my mouth a little more now. Will just have to keep going with the Corsodyle mouth wash. It doesn't seem real what has happened. The surgery has been quite brutal. Stitches will dissolve so that is something. I just hope it doesn't come back again.

Really missing my mam and dad. In tears a lot at the mo with their anniversaries. It still doesn't seem real. Chatting about our childhood with sis helps. It makes them be real again. Be present. I feel so lost without them.

Going to get Sweetie in before she freezes.

Lots of love xxx😁

Hi Starry,

Just realised my mam's anniversary is now or I've just missed it but can't bring myself to look in my diary. Teary just writing this. I feel so fragile at the mo. Just want my parents back and life to go back to normal. The thought of another empty xmas alone kills me. Whatever I do is empty. I have the 3 xmas trees coming for the garden in memory of mam, dad and my beloved Porscha. My new tradition. But it just makes me cry.

The window stickers are a good idea because I canlt do the full on decor like I used to. Like these ones:

Such a lovely idea to do it together and then we can take a pic to post. I'll be uniting my own garden with the xmas scene. I have a mother and foal in the loft to add to my xmas trees. They light up. Will create a display for sis coming down. Just going through the motions in my head has no oomph or sparkle. Soz babe, just in a really dark place and I can't seem to climb out of it.

I usually add some special xmas trinkets to my tree of life in the shrine. Another thing for another day. Lots of xmas decor in the street already. Get dazzled when I'm closing the curtains. Have you done any more to your xmas theme?

Must get dressed. Was waiting for my new bird feeders to be delivered. Old ones had tufts growing out the bottom as they didn't close properly. And I've already done an Amazon shop for eggs for my little fox. He was at the kitchen door wondering why I didn't have his treats! Will give him some extra tonight, or rather 4 because it comes in black by then. Sis thinks I'm mad feeding the wild things but they are my extra pets. Sweetie is curled up on her cushion having a wash. Hates the cold and wet.

Let me know which stickers you like. Such a good idea!

Lots of love xxx

Hi Starry,

I forgot about the delivery fees re Spain so good thinking. Cleaning the window is on my to do list and also finishing the other widows with the church effect plastic panelling. Allows the light in and casts rainbows everywhere on a sunny day. Better than all the blinds and nets I had up for the nosy neighbours. Will take a pic to post.

I made a good start in the loft today sorting xmas things to do. So they are ready when I am. I'll do the stags when I get my xmas trees up in the garden. Think it's around the 4th Dec. But I have about 15 roses to plant end of Nov before the festive vibe can begin. Hope the rain stays off. Garden is drenched. I did a lot of potting up with plants for my xmas tables so have to jiggle them about for a more streamlined look instead of being plonked after planting up. Looked at the forecast and more rain on the way with random days in the next couple of weeks. So will just have to play it by ear.

Today has been very productive. Cleaned the bathroom and kitchen. I've been so worn out lately that even getting dressed has been too much. So I hope it lasts. I sorted a bundle of xmas puzzles too for the xmas period. Mam always had one on the go on the big table. I have to make do with a picture I created from David Austen rose packaging. It was so pretty I sellotaped it onto a framework. Don't know where mam's puzzle board went during the move. So many things were sorted to charity without even asking me if I wanted any of it. Still upsets me.

Going to get my Sweetie in. She's been napping all afternoon. Probs in my textile work. She had me awake at 5 and then 7 but I managed to coax her back to bed. I have to pretend the door won't open when it's still dark.

Looking forward to seeing your window. You've given me the push I needed to get started. I have a selection of mams lovely crystal with candles to create displays on the window sills. Will be very pretty with the festive scene in candlelight.

Off to get the little one in. Mt baby fox didn't come but a big grey one did. He'd spotted the eggs and I'm assuming took them all because there's none left. Not sure if there's a pack of them. Very healthy looking. Not surprised with the 6 cans of dog food (when it's cold), 6 eggs, fatballs and sardines when I can get them in my shop. Sis thinks I'm mad but I love my wild things.

Night hun xxx😁Wish my teeth were as white! The Corsodyle is certainly taking it's toll.

Hi Starry,

Love all your xmas pics. I have a little tea light house too in the shrine. Love the stags head bell. I'll be putting my stags head up along with carefully chosen bits. I used to really go all out in creating xmas displays but mam leaving drew a line under xmas and I just can't face it. The first xmas I just cried with no decs, food, tv, pressies. The pain was unbearable. I don't know how my dad carried on, visiting my sis up north and going to the pub with his pal. I still find it painful going through the motions of doing and being present. And so I choose things carefully. I will take pics to post. I have all the xmas bits waiting for me in the loft and my xmas trees for the garden will be arriving too soon! I have so little energy that whatever I do has to really count. So todays task will be cleaning the window for my xmas scene. Will order them today for tomorrow. Making a start might spur me into action.

The little wicker/ ribbon reindeer is so sweet. I'm hoping my trip to the garden centre with sis will have Santa and his reindeers as usual. Fingers crossed she'll go on the little train too where all Santa's elves are playing. Can't be doing the ice skating as she has a dodgy foot (waiting for an op to realign the bone). I always took the childa when they were growing up I get my ice skates out as part of the xmas display as they are linked to memory now. It will be magical in the xmas display. We'll get a special bauble to mark the occasion and to create our own new tradition. Tried booking a cream tea online but wasn't possible. Quite glad at £45! Hope we get a seat in the restaurant with the hoardes of people. Can only imagine my claustrophobia but I know I can leave at any time. Trying is key in not becoming totally housebound again. Really looking forward to it. Hope she comes a bit earlier so we can have another day together.

So sorry to hear how debilitated you are. Mam had that shingles and it wasn't pleasant. I can't risk getting the covid or flu vaccines with my immune system. I'm isolated and so limited in catching anything, apart from the garden centre! Will be wearing a mask. Just remember that nothing lasts forever. You will recover your energy levels and be on top form again. That's what I have to do myself so I don't give in and just sleep all day. A nice thing I enjoy is a jigsaw puzzle. Focuses the mind with the challenge of getting it done and I then frame it for the loft if I love it. I've ran out of walls downstairs. I have a huge pile of xmas jigsaws now after getting bargain buys. Reminds me of doing it with mam. Never wanted to leave to go home.

Must crack on and get dressed. Going to have poached egg on toast for brunch. I bought a fab little poaching gadget on Amazon for the microwave. I have no clue and gave up on eggs when they kept exploding! Can't beat mam's ancient metal poaching thing. I honestly thought she would live forever. I couldn't imagine a world without her in it. And dad too. Nobody warned me how brutal grief would be. In tears now. So fragile. It's always there, waiting for me to collapse.

Going to order those stickers now so that I have to do that window!

Lots of love xxx

Hi Starry,

Yes, I am filled with sadness most of the time and with xmas it is overwhelming because it was always spent with family. I used to love the freedom of being alone but knowing they were all close by, doing my own thing, whatever it was. I can't listen to church carols or music from my childhood because I just burst into tears. Watching midnight mass and going to church is something I have to avoid because I know how fragile I am. I didn't know how special and lovely my life was at the time. It just was. I honestly never thought my mam would die. Wasn't something I could envisage. And with dad gone as well I feel totally abandoned.

I love that jigsaw. It's extra special because mam loved purple. And I love flower design. It's one of my themes as a textile artist but I have a range of themes. Might get a puzzle out to fill in this afternoon as it's raining all day. Had a very productive one in the garden yester with emptying large planters in prep for repotting roses and waiting for more to arrive. Started cutting back the massive old rose overhanging the pergola. I envision the whole of the creep fence covered in climbing and rambling roses. The hard work is in the prep and the vision. Planting is the fun bit. Needless to say I didn't get my window cleaned inside or out but my stickers arrived so will get onto that today.

So sorry to hear that you haven't had a great relationship with your mam. It's only when we lose someone we realise how deeply we love and how broken we are. I'd give anything to tell my parents how I love them. In tears again now so I must stop.

I used to love going to Ikea but it's closed down here. Loved the bargain section, and the plants. We'd always get a hotdog and drink at the end of shopping as a treat when the kids were little. I'm really looking forward to the garden centre trip with sis. Will see if they have their lovely ceramic planters for the bush roses for the patio. Dreaming about the vision is what I do best. Never lives up to what I create in my head though.

Must dash and make a start on the day. Have already done a food prep for next week, including my smoothies (following Rhonda Patrick for health and longevity)so already winning. That window is calling me. Not a quick job as I created my own church windows last year with sweetie wrappers and the sellotape glue is still there. Panels looked fab though.

Hope you have a light and happy day. All in the little detail. And you have your new decs to look forward to. Can't quite believe it's nearly Dec.

Lots of love xxx😀

Hi Starry,

OMG I've just watched the full Keira and Phil ad. Thank you for posting it. Has put me in a happy xmas vibe while I do all the household chores before sis arrives tomorrow. Have the fish tank to clean (my least fave job ever), hoovering, getting in the loft for bits and bobs. All I want to do is sleep. But I did get my xmas stickers done. Will wait until it turns dark to get my pics. Hope to post later today but if I don't it will be in the morn while I'm waiting for her.

Must dash but will get back to you. Hope your stickers go well. Found mine weren't as easy but got there in the end.

Can't get in the garden for the rain but hope to get my stags out later so they shine through the window for a festive vibe. So much to do out there. Have my 15 rose coming in the next few days and already have to repot about the same again. Hoped sis would give a hand but we have rain and lots planned. A bucket of water will just have to do for now.

I bet you're all calm, cool and collected. I hate being out of control. But, like my therapist says, I cannot control the universe. One thing I cannot stop is my emotional clock. That is certainly overflowing, especially at this time of year. I agree that if everyone was more attuned to how they are feeling and being honest about it the world would be a more relaxed place to be.

I have a confession to make. Got lots of yummy bits in for sis but have already eaten half of the roses chocs! Have no self control! Appalling!!!

🤣xxx

Thank you @Admin_Scope for fixing this last post.

Hiya babe,

Just popping in before I start my jobs to carry me through today (painting the timber that's been drying out in the house for the pergola).

Great news is that I had my chat with the consultant and I'm not going ahead with the radiotherapy in Jan because they don't know if my cancer is radio sensitive. Could go through the trauma of having it for 6 weeks every day and have permanent damage to the skin around my mouth and still have it come back. But if it does they'll just cut it out again as they have done. Confirming with the surgeon again just to be sure. And being in their care for 10 years is to keep me in the system should it come back. No need to be referred through the GP. So have peace of mind at last, sort of.

Finished my puzzle last night and have started a new one to keep me occupied to delay the upset of spending xmas alone again without mam and dad. 4 years on after mam and 1 for dad. Never gets easier. Never get used to them not being here. I run through what would be happening with all the festive mayhem. I would take their place if I could so they could still be here and I could watch over them.

Are you spending Christmas with anyone? So many people are alone. Some like it that way but I just can't get used to it. I'm not designed to be alone.

Will be lighting my candle at 7PM as per Sue Ryder's bereavement site. There's a small group of us there who have become firm friends over the years, united in grief with understanding and compassion. Wouldn't have got through my grief without them.

Sweetie has a new toy for xmas day. Will get a pic of her playing with it. She still loves her other one.

Must crack on but I wish you tons of Christmas love if I don't see you popping in before tomorrow and will pop in on the day too xxx

P.S. There is no need at all for you to ever apologise for not posting. There is no schedule here. Post when you are comfortable posting and when you have time. ✨😘✨