New saga and advice needed

Jane315STARX
Jane315STARX Posts: 999 Championing
in Families and carers

My autistic and adhd son has told me a boy he knows has told him there is a girl who likes him and after 4 days of texting he wants to buy her presents.She apparently lives in a care home.He wont tell me where.He told me that she gave her 'permission' for him to let me know he could tell me about them 'dating'.It know transpires the boy who originally told my son that she liked him is this girls cousin ( or so my son says) and is now not happy about the situation and thinks that they are not dating.Im sick with worry.My son wants to buy this strange girl a gift a go and meet her.

Comments

  • Nightcity
    Nightcity Online Community Member Posts: 565 Empowering

    He definitely knows at least one in person and it's not an online friend?

    either way this is definitely bizarre and course for concern.

    You certainly don't need another worry!

  • Jane315STARX
    Jane315STARX Posts: 999 Championing

    I know the boy as he goes to his school.But it just doesn't ring true.When I said to my son that I dont think this is a good idea and im trying to protect him as he's vulnerable.He said I don't allow him to do anything.But this us FAR from an ideal situation for everything I've mentioned above

  • Nightcity
    Nightcity Online Community Member Posts: 565 Empowering

    My concern (and I truly hope I'm wrong) is the boy is either having a laugh and behind the texts from the girl and any gifts will end up to be his.

    this is from someone I knew doing a similar thing to me in 2004, It was basically someone I knew with someone else I knew teaming up as a "joke" creating a fake person to text and msn messenger me. unfortunately it wasn't amusing and caused to this day my very big problem with trusting or dating.

    you are absolutely right to deal with it how you are.

  • Jane315STARX
    Jane315STARX Posts: 999 Championing

    How are you @Nightcity

  • rubin16
    rubin16 Scope Member Posts: 1,292 Championing

    One thing I would be wary of is the "People pleasing" or the need to buy gifts, this is a big autistic trait and a form of masking. With this though is the big risk of being took advantage of, and they are essentially buying their love which can cause issues in any relationship.

  • Nightcity
    Nightcity Online Community Member Posts: 565 Empowering
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1089130#Comment_1089130

    Not too bad thanks Jane 🙂

  • Jane315STARX
    Jane315STARX Posts: 999 Championing

    So ive now spoken to my son and the situation is worse than I first thought.This girl is not the cousin of his 'friend' ( although he doesn't really have friends).But this girl apparently used to be in a relationship of sorts with this other boy.She lives in a care home now as apparently has very complex and unstable personality and O.D.D.( but my son is obsessed with her after facetiming and texting for just 4 days).Wants to buy gifts and go and see her at this home.I have explained that this is completely unreasonable but he simply can't accept it.I told him that ive known him for almost 16 years and he's never ever wanted to even buy me anything but after 4 days wants to buy this girl something ( trying to bring context into it).But he just cannot see it.Ive just heard him on the telephone to the girl saying "I can only buy you 1 gift but I still love you!".It just screams he's being taken advantage of

  • Ross1975
    Ross1975 Online Community Member Posts: 414 Pioneering
    edited December 9

    I think if you've already tried explaining to him that he could be being taken advantage of (which he may or may not be), give him advice on what to look out for, etc (since this could hurt his self esteem and confidence, let him know that if they are doing that it doesn't have to mean there's anything 'wrong' with him, and that it just means that there are some bad people out there who will take advantage of nice people who are too trusting), after this if he still wants to continue with it, then the only way he'll learn is to just let him do it and experience it first hand (unless you know that this would probably put him into a serious crisis). Otherwise if you always stop him he may grow up not learning these things and be prone to being taken advantage of when he's older.

  • Chris75_
    Chris75_ Online Community Member Posts: 4,174 Championing

    That sounds like a plan @Ross1975. He is a young man now, and has to get his heart broken a few times; it's a sort of rite of passage.

    I can still remember the 'Dear John' letter coming through the post. Not thought about it in years! 😭

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