Son not going to school

Jane315STARX
Jane315STARX Posts: 999 Championing
in Families and carers

My son is now refusing to go to school saying he has diarrhea but he has a mock exam.I know he wants to just speak to this girl who has all these issues and is not at school.I feel like im literally going insane again

Comments

  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Online Community Member Posts: 5,431 Championing

    Does he often get bowel issues at stressful times? Can he take any of the common medications for it?

    My own bowel issues got even worse during exams, so that might be genuine, albeit a useful excuse to speak to the girl as well.

  • Jane315STARX
    Jane315STARX Posts: 999 Championing

    I dont actually believe its genuine as he is now playing on his computer and seems on perfect health.I think its generally a stressful situation

  • michael57
    michael57 Online Community Member Posts: 1,847 Championing

    pull the internet cable and teach him his actions have repercussions sure i will get shot down for saying it but sometimes a bit of tough love does more good than harm

  • Nightcity
    Nightcity Online Community Member Posts: 565 Empowering

    Sorry this is all still happening Jane.

    hopefully you can persuade him about all aspects of this situation.

    perhaps limiting his contact with this girl may help break the hold she has, like suggest activities you can do together and make it clear the phone stays out of reach

  • Stellar
    Stellar Online Community Member Posts: 366 Pioneering
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/140432/son-not-going-to-school

    School avoidance is a real thing, but that seems to only be part of the issue.

    Does he have support to deal with exam stress?

    Does he have a crush on this girl? Does he have any other ways of talking to her?

    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1089385#Comment_1089385

    Lol you absolutely do deserve to be shot down for this. Cutting the internet will do nothing to address school avoidance nor limerance for a crush.

    Also, there are future opportunities for people whoo culdnt get GCSEs in school to obtain the later, so that logic fails on it's own terms.

  • Kimi87
    Kimi87 Online Community Member Posts: 7,876 Championing

    If school refusal is based on pleading illness as a way to stay home & communicate with his friend, then it wouldn't be unreasonable to take his phone, computer & console away from him, turn off home wifi and expect him to spend the day in bed.

  • Chris75_
    Chris75_ Online Community Member Posts: 4,174 Championing
    edited December 8

    @michael57 You just reminded me of my old man when i was a teenager. If i got sent to my room, the first thing he did was remove the fuse to the upstairs sockets, so i couldn't watch my black and white portable!

  • Chris75_
    Chris75_ Online Community Member Posts: 4,174 Championing

    But if refusal to go to school results in no interest connection, might that not make him think about actions having consequences?

  • Jane315STARX
    Jane315STARX Posts: 999 Championing

    Ok,so the plot is thickening…my son is online playing games with a boy who's birthday it is today.I asked who on earth could he be talking to as everyone must be in school.AND what a coincidence it is that this boy happens to be off today as its his birthday.So my son I think has chosen to be 'ill' to keep this boy company on his birthday to play online games

  • Jane315STARX
    Jane315STARX Posts: 999 Championing

    So I have mixed thoughts on this.As I think this clearly demonstrates he's thinking of someone else's feelings I.e the friend.But he's not prioritising his education and has clearly lied to me.Am I overreacting? (He doesn't know that I know🤣)

  • michael57
    michael57 Online Community Member Posts: 1,847 Championing

    Your son is manipulating you to get and do as he pleases the problems you have now will be ten fold in a few years time autistic or not kids need boundaries and parents to enforce them

  • Catherine21
    Catherine21 Posts: 8,636 Championing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1089428#Comment_1089428

    I used to do the same id hide in bushes watch everyone go into school then id sneak home and watch horror films its a hard one because when you have adhd and you dont want to do something you cant and wont do it hes a teenager god the things I did would make your toes curl ohhh inspector clouso cant spell it you find all the information x

  • michael57
    michael57 Online Community Member Posts: 1,847 Championing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1089412#Comment_1089412

    That all depends on why he is avoiding school and we have now been told why and to be honest it needs something harsher than letting him do as he pleases

  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Online Community Member Posts: 5,431 Championing

    This is a difficult one unfortunately. If you come down too hard on him then he just won't tell you anything in future. (From my own experience). Will end up hiding things and lying more and more without feeling safe enough to tell the truth.

    But equally in this case I think you should tell him that you know and understand why he's done it, but explain why that wasn't the best choice this time.

    I don't think it's helpful to be shouting and screaming and enforcing rules under the 'because I said so' or 'because I'm an adult' line. Personally I'd have responded much better to being given a simple explanation. But everyone's different, so just have to try and do whatever you think best for you & him right now.

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