Son not going to school

Jane315STARX
Jane315STARX Community Member Posts: 1,104 Championing
in Families and carers

My son is now refusing to go to school saying he has diarrhea but he has a mock exam.I know he wants to just speak to this girl who has all these issues and is not at school.I feel like im literally going insane again

Comments

  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Community Member Posts: 6,389 Championing

    Does he often get bowel issues at stressful times? Can he take any of the common medications for it?

    My own bowel issues got even worse during exams, so that might be genuine, albeit a useful excuse to speak to the girl as well.

  • Jane315STARX
    Jane315STARX Community Member Posts: 1,104 Championing

    I dont actually believe its genuine as he is now playing on his computer and seems on perfect health.I think its generally a stressful situation

  • michael57
    michael57 Community Member Posts: 3,408 Championing

    pull the internet cable and teach him his actions have repercussions sure i will get shot down for saying it but sometimes a bit of tough love does more good than harm

  • Nightcity
    Nightcity Community Member Posts: 695 Pioneering

    Sorry this is all still happening Jane.

    hopefully you can persuade him about all aspects of this situation.

    perhaps limiting his contact with this girl may help break the hold she has, like suggest activities you can do together and make it clear the phone stays out of reach

  • Stellar
    Stellar Community Member Posts: 584 Trailblazing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/140432/son-not-going-to-school

    School avoidance is a real thing, but that seems to only be part of the issue.

    Does he have support to deal with exam stress?

    Does he have a crush on this girl? Does he have any other ways of talking to her?

    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1089385#Comment_1089385

    Lol you absolutely do deserve to be shot down for this. Cutting the internet will do nothing to address school avoidance nor limerance for a crush.

    Also, there are future opportunities for people whoo culdnt get GCSEs in school to obtain the later, so that logic fails on it's own terms.

  • Kimi87
    Kimi87 Community Member Posts: 9,052 Championing

    If school refusal is based on pleading illness as a way to stay home & communicate with his friend, then it wouldn't be unreasonable to take his phone, computer & console away from him, turn off home wifi and expect him to spend the day in bed.

  • Jane315STARX
    Jane315STARX Community Member Posts: 1,104 Championing

    Ok,so the plot is thickening…my son is online playing games with a boy who's birthday it is today.I asked who on earth could he be talking to as everyone must be in school.AND what a coincidence it is that this boy happens to be off today as its his birthday.So my son I think has chosen to be 'ill' to keep this boy company on his birthday to play online games

  • Jane315STARX
    Jane315STARX Community Member Posts: 1,104 Championing

    So I have mixed thoughts on this.As I think this clearly demonstrates he's thinking of someone else's feelings I.e the friend.But he's not prioritising his education and has clearly lied to me.Am I overreacting? (He doesn't know that I know🤣)

  • michael57
    michael57 Community Member Posts: 3,408 Championing

    Your son is manipulating you to get and do as he pleases the problems you have now will be ten fold in a few years time autistic or not kids need boundaries and parents to enforce them

  • michael57
    michael57 Community Member Posts: 3,408 Championing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1089412#Comment_1089412

    That all depends on why he is avoiding school and we have now been told why and to be honest it needs something harsher than letting him do as he pleases

  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Community Member Posts: 6,389 Championing

    This is a difficult one unfortunately. If you come down too hard on him then he just won't tell you anything in future. (From my own experience). Will end up hiding things and lying more and more without feeling safe enough to tell the truth.

    But equally in this case I think you should tell him that you know and understand why he's done it, but explain why that wasn't the best choice this time.

    I don't think it's helpful to be shouting and screaming and enforcing rules under the 'because I said so' or 'because I'm an adult' line. Personally I'd have responded much better to being given a simple explanation. But everyone's different, so just have to try and do whatever you think best for you & him right now.

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