Dec 21 winter soltice: Celebrate our dark side?

Like I say, it goes against the grain of most people. Including you, I see.

And, yes, I celebrate the days I feel ugly because they enhance the days I feel beautiful. I am both. And sometimes I don't know which I am.

And the days I have stupid head are now manageable because I let myself have an intellectual time off, a break. Then when I've got my noggin on straight I do the smart stuff.

And when I can't go on, I hold myself gently, knowing a day will come when I'm happy to be alive.

And so on.

Anyway, if you don't like the idea, fine. I'm not asking for criticism of my idea. I don't need anyone's approval. I'm asking if anyone wants to join me.

Thank you, @Rachel_Scope

Just starting to think about ideas, something along these lines.... Firstly, I'm thinking the theme should be all dark. So I won't open the blinds that day. I will stay inside. My clothing will be all black. Only dim lights and candles. Food will be all cold, like cereal, boiled eggs, canned fish, raw veggies - and the like. Phone off morning to night - that will be horrible! Dark movies, meaning dramas. Something along those lines. It's about embracing the darkness, breathing it in.

Thank you @Rachel_Scope. I mostly eat cold food anyway. But I can't do without hot coffee and hot tea! That's unnecessary torture 😁 The idea too is that I unwilling get pulled into the darkness, but I have learned fighting it is typically counterproductive. So I enter more willingly now. But I've never purposely put myself there, unless I'm doing some sort of therapy. But I don't mean this to be therapy. I just want to let it be dark without an agenda.

Your idea about having a safety plan is a great one. Thank you. One of my friends IRL is doing this too, but we haven't decided how yet, just that we will. I'll talk to him too about a safety plan.

For the movie I'm thinking Batman Begins. Pretty dark. It's my max dark.

Yes, @Rachel_Scope I'll keep the info here as it shapes up. Thank you for your interest.

I started as a young person by rejecting the "negative" thoughts and feelings, until they couldn't be ignored anymore. Then I unwillingly examined them with the purpose to get rid of them. Then I learned that they had important messages and that the world was incomplete without them. Then I learned that they were only negative and/or uncomfortable because I hadn't listened to them. Once I listened, they were neither uncomfortable nor negative (present day). I mean, they're not easy, but they're less difficult to be with.

You know how they say we are our own worst critic, and would we say/do that to a friend? So I thought about if a person is stupid, would I get mad at them or treat them badly or reject them? No. So same for me. Or ugly? No. So same for me. Or at their wit's end as to how to go on? No. And so on for my list above. I would still cherish them no matter what. It might be difficult to cherish them, but I would try my best. So same for me. Does that make sense?

Hi all and thank you so much for your kind and helpful comments. Yesterday was a huge success as I realised my dark side is very human. It's a long story to explain how I arrived at that conclusion, but that's the conclusion. In a nutshell, by staring bravely into the darkness, I was able to see clearly. Your comments here helped, as I checked in throughout the day. What I mean by a human dark side is even when I'm in a panic attack or in depression or dissociated or just generally falling apart, I'm very human. And even though many people may be uncomfortable talking about those things, they can relate to some degree. So I belong in this world, even when I'm unglued. I've never felt that, let alone believed it. So thank you for being there.

I'll respond to your comments here. Each comment would result in a long discussion IRL, but we're limited here by space. So I'll keep it brief, knowing I am not able to do justice to your comments….

@WhatThe Nick Cave did two great songs on the Leonard Cohen DVD. But I've never really clicked with his stuff. Could you please recommend your faves, and I'll check them out?

@chiarieds I too have been a fan of Leonard Cohen since I was a kid. As a Canadian, I can so relate to his being. Our culture is steeped in all that is Leonard Cohen. That video you posted is something I can't get enough of. The interaction of everyone on stage feels humble, gentle, kind, warm and authentic. It brings my soul to its knees. 🧡

@66Mustang a clash of desires indeed. I've walked away three times now with the same story of seeking approval in the face of misjudgment and mistreatment - first family, then the psychiatric system and then the medical system. The majority can often be wrong, right? :)

@SmellyBin definitely that's my experience too, that everyone will have things they like and dislike about you. I love the Curt Cobain quote, "I'd rather someone hate me for who I am, rather than love me for who I am not."

@Biblioklept yes, yes and yes. And yes. I totally agree. I've got a wider range than most people. But that's me. And that's okay.

There's this song I've been listening to for a while that just sums up to me what it is to feel in this world and what it is to want to get away. The song is called She. But it could be He, They, We, Them, Us…. It's so powerful and so sad yet so joyful, and so very human. I hope you guys like this….