Scared
I can remember from the age of Three years old being so unhappy crying all the time I remember feeling ugly alone terrified angry at the age of Three I suppose this time of year open up can of worms God I feel so scared so scared of exsisting no matter how I tried in life friendships relationships jobs they was and are so hard impossible for me I watch other people have these things and I weep as to have these things I have to be present I have to be seen in the past if I had to go out id have a drink if I had relationships I was 80 percent drinking if I had to hold down jobs I couldn't id phone in sick as I was unable to leave the house the thought of seeing colleagues on a daily basis I couldn't i just couldn't I cant hold information so everyday was like starting over again I feel despair like a child I have no skills to get me by in life I have days of depression followed by anxiety I stay in my room like a teenager its my only safe space 51 years of hating myself battling the thoughts feelings the thought of another year of the same is so distressing for me losing my fifi is soul destroying I wish my life took another turn dealing with mental health is a constant battle always thinking something bad will happen its constant id hate to think what my cortisol levels are sorry to be so gloomy
Comments
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Oh @Catherine21, I'm so sorry that you're feeling so low at the minute. You've done so well, especially with everything you've had to contend with. I hope you feel better 💛
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Sorry Holly shouldn't bring the mood down going to try keep busy I hope your well
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Don't be sorry - it's good to get it all out 😊
I'm alright thanks, doing the same as you in keeping busy! I've purchased a small painting set from Amazon to try in the new year. I'm not sure I'll be any good, but thought it might be a nice thing to try.
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Sounds good i hope it helps yes I should look at adult colouring book to distract my mind
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Hi #@ Catherine21,
You have been so brave to share your feelings especially feeling so alone and vulnerable. Unfortunately, there is no magic wand or easy answers to help resolve (or reduce at least) you feelings / anxieties.
If you can find something to distract you that is good. Painting sounds like it may be helpful as a distraction, at least you will have something to see when completed. I'm hopeless with arts and crafts but I do like word searches. I think my dyslexic brain actually helps find words written backwards! My ADHD son (now 35) has a hobby with (or rather an obsession with)the War Hammer figures etc.. how he can concentrate on building and painting so carefully those tiny figures is beyond my comprehension! So try not to feel so totally in despair, try to have positive thoughts and perhaps you might find something of interest that you can become absorbed in for a while. Hope you are able to find something positive to carry you through what is a very difficult time for you.
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Firstly thank you for your vulnerability. It sounds like it’s been really tough for you. Have you tried counselling or therapy? My daughter was diagnosed with anxiety at age 4/5, she’s now 22. She’s also AuDHD and has struggled with friendships etc. For myself with physical limitations I’ve found having a creative outlet, not only keeps me occupied, but also something tangible at the end that gives me that sense of achievement. I’d love to knit and crochet, but my brain overthinks it. So I do patchwork and quilting (when my body allows). It’s a great hobby for those with chronic pain as you do a bit of cutting, then sewing, then pressing and can keep moving between them.
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Thankyou xx
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Im waiting for trauma therapy i do get into hobbies or obsessions I did the garden this year just some days the anxiety horrific oh your daughter diagnosed with anxiety very young im sure I was the same from age of three Id love to complete tasks but seems impossible for me thankyou for your message xx
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Hey Cath I have always understood where you're coming from and how you feel.I stay in my room a lot, and our pets are so precious they are all different and you'll never get two the same, it's fine to be hurt even bitter at the loss.
anxiety is very real and very dangerous certainly not mild, I'm proof it literally nearly killed me yesterday.
I've now literally changed my whole life in 30 ish hours.
as you know I recently had all those blood tests for the swelling and the GP eventually came to the conclusion it was the blood pressure pill amlodipine he took me off on December 3rd leaving me on the bisproprolol.
well yesterday i felt very "off" did my home readings and they were literally deadly like 198/137 causing me to panic which then escalated it to 233/200 I had to be given urgent treatment before it caused some serious problems, once that was done My meds have now been overhauled the bisproprolol dose is doubled and I'm now on one called doxazosin which this morning when it was high again (but not dangerously) brought it down significantly in just an hour.
I'm now checking BP six times a day and reporting to GP daily until it's back under the control it was previously it's looking good my last readings 20 minute ago were almost perfect.
I genuinely thought yesterday It was game over so frightening so I set about changing as much to reduce all my stresses and worries as much as humanly possible.
The old saying one day at a time is truly what I'll be living by now,no more panicking about things months or years away or may not happen no more headspace to anything unpleasant.
I do adult colouring books I second this as an excellent calming activity.
my phone will be off a lot from now onwards sadly I've closed the radio station now as running it takes a lot of pressure, deadlines and schedules and I'm not living my life to clocks or rules anymore.
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Oh god nightcity thats so scary had same with blood pressure im glad its close to perfect now yes your right my dad always says one day at a time sorry to hear about closing your radio station but its good your putting your health first i will take on board what you have said its so true im worrying about things I believe will happen and it feels real thankyou nightcity im glad your ok i hope you and mum and doggie have a peaceful new year x
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Thinking of you @Nightcity.
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Thank you both 💛
Have a happy new year too!
As scary as it was it was the kick I needed to get my priorities right I hope next years better for everyone.
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Thankyou nightcity ive read your message over and over your so right with everything you said and are doing i really appreciate you sharing this im really going to do the same and really focus on changing my mind set once again thankyou so much
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@Catherine21 im so sorry you are in this desperate way.There really is nothing like losing the love if your soul mate in that of a dog ( I totally get it).I am not going through my story because this is about you and how you try and move forward each day.I think we can all understand that for some of us we can never get over some losses of people or animals.I think putting pressure on yourself to be 'happy' or a certain way is always difficult.Unfortunately things do not always stay the same.Perhaps from today you could see it that Fifi is your guide into anything positive.So for example she will literally counteract any negative thought process that you may have and replace it by putting something positive into your mind.2026 will be guided by her presence and the strength of love you both still hold.I hope this makes sense.Sending you strength and lots of love always X
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💛💛
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Hi
I relate to what you said. I did many of those things. Your honesty has helped me, but I am sorry we both struggle. I often get low this time of year. I used too hate NYE. I had a few good ones. Not so good today but in some ways I am better than earlier. TY for posting.
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Thankyou so mich jane I hope your ok and your sons ok im really going to try to pull myself out of this try to think of the good times xx
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I dont think you need to necessarily pull yourself out of anything.Be kind to yourself X
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Alot of people suffer from something called SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder) this time of year, which is a type of seasonal depression caused by the lack of sunlight in winter times causing lack of serotonin and melatonin in the brain. It can make you feel depressed (Low Mood), have fatique and can sometimes cause cravings (Carbs).
Not saying you have this, or diagnosing anyone, however if you feel you seem to get depressed often during winter times this could be a reason why.
But from what you've been through @Catherine21 you've bound to have low mood at the moment anyway, hang in there.
Take care.
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So sorry what you Nightcity and Catherine21 are going through. I think the government and dwp have caused us worry and stress over the years.
Here's some hobbies which I do that you could look into. Pinterest shows how to do some, junk journaling, any journaling. Diamond art , start small at first. 20 × 20 . You need a plastic small case to put the drills. You can get these from the works, temu. Hobbycraft are expensive. Also amazon. I also get my junk journaling things from temu, but magazines, any thing
I understand losing a pet is devastating, when my dog Millie had to go over the rainbow bridge. Have you thought about sponsorship of a animal . You get information on them regularly.
I wish you both a good new year. And I think a lot of you , I considered us friends
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