Neurodivergent within mainstream schools

Mamma2girls · January 25

Looking for advice on how to approach a situation, my daughter who is autistic is in primary school & this year she has really struggled as her peers begin to mature she isn’t at the same level in the sense of understanding peoples feelings and reasons, she has been getting cast out and when she reacts to things she lands herself in trouble, while other kids laugh at her. It’s breaking my heart to see her so vulnerable and I’m terrified this will knock her confidence. She often walks around herself on break times (school suggested it was her way of taking a break) but upon several chats it’s becoming clear she is being bullied called names and hit and when she retaliates she is the nuisance child. I have told the school she is struggling with school but to expect her to go full school days and go into the playground around kids who don’t understand her is becoming to much for her. Sorry for long post I’m just hoping someone can help with info on what the school should be putting in place for her.

Rachel_Scope · January 25

Hi @Mamma2girls and welcome to the community. I'm sorry your daughter is struggling, it must be so difficult for you. I have worked as a SEND Teaching Assistant and have had children on a 1:1 basis depending on their needs. Can I ask how old she is? The school should have an EHCP in place for her if she has complex needs and it affects her ability to learn. Does she have one? Does she have a teaching assistant who spends time with her on building her social skills? I worked with a group of children who had issues with socialising and being understood and we played games to practise taking it in turns, learning how to support each other and cope with disappointment when they lost. There are specific games you can play that include social situation questions that you can discuss which I found really useful for the child to be able to relate to the rest of the class.

There needs to be some understanding from the school though, it isn't just up to your daughter to try and fit in. They should know your daughter's needs and make sure they're catered for and understood when dealing with playground arguments. I used to educate the children who didn't understand why someone was different which led to them being more empathetic and kind.

Here's some more information about an EHCP for you - https://www.gov.uk/children-with-special-educational-needs/extra-SEN-help .

I really hope this helps. Please ask as many questions as you'd like.

Mamma2girls · January 25

Thank you so much for responding, my daughter is 9 almost 10. She has some 1-1 learning apparently and always works in small groups with teacher or teaching assistant. She needs chunked instruction to carry out tasks, she is behind in all aspects of the curriculum after assessment she did not meet the criteria to have LD diagnosis, this was because her vocabulary/speech scored high which effectively bumped up the scoring of her assessment. It was stated she will most definitely need extra help throughout her school years and needs extra time to complete tasks. As for in the playground she is often told to just go and play almost like she needs to be “normal” but her brain just doesn’t have the functionality to do that. She was sent home one day very distressed after an incident where she retaliated (verbally) her take was 3 different teachers spoke to her and the kids were all blaming her, I was overwhelmed just thinking about it but for her to be in that moment trying to explain herself was just too much for her. Sleepless nights with worry on how she will cope with another 6,7,8 yrs of school is debilitating. I apologise I’m rambling with everything going round in my head. I am waiting to see if I can get a meeting with the school to ensure things are implemented for her needs and can also have additional input from child development team.

Rachel_Scope · January 25

Have you previously spoken to the headteacher about your concerns? I'd suggest writing things down ready for the meeting so you don't miss anything. It's unfortunate but sometimes we have to fight hard to get the support our children need.

You're not rambling ta all, please don't apologise. It's such a stressful situation for a parent to be in. Here's some information about support for parents that might be useful for you https://www.autism.org.uk/what-we-do/support-in-the-community/family-support .

Neurodivergent within mainstream schools

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