Struggling with support group

Hopeless
Hopeless Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 1,004 Pioneering
in Mental health and wellbeing

I’ve been attending a small social group run by a community interest company but there are now a couple of people there that I can’t cope with as they’re so loud and dominating. I feel that I can no longer go to the group as it’s causing me so much anxiety. These people were the reason I had to stop going to a similar group elsewhere. I’m very frustrated that I’ll be missing out on support again. I understand that these other people also have issues and they are also entitled to support but it’s always the quieter people who are overlooked. I’ve spoken briefly to the person who runs the group (it’s difficult to get any time to express myself because of the more demanding people) and they’ve said they’ll try to think of a solution. There’s another lady who goes who feels the same as me. We could sit in a different room but then we’d be isolated.

Has anyone else come across issues like this? Did you find a solution? I’ve tried wearing loops but they don’t seem to help much. I don’t get out much as it is as it’s so difficult to cope. I don’t really want to lose out again but it’s making me ill.

Comments

  • WhatThe
    WhatThe Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 5,476 Championing

    Hopeless, I experience exactly the same around people. I wear earplugs and so-called noise-cancelling headphones and people are still TOO LOUD!!!

    My latest group is outdoors and I walked away at one point this week because one woman did not just have a loud voice, she did not stop yapping 😱 I'm very comfortable at this community garden and will mention it next week though I suspect the individual concerned will take offence and sulk.

    However, I will put my needs first because I go there to learn and relax not to hear about somebody's auditions for goodness sake!

    I don't know whether people shout these days because they have hearing loss or have no modesty or both. Indoors is much, much worse especially in an unfurnished room under bright lights. Like you, I have left groups because of other people's selfishness.

    Try covering your ears with defenders for the next session and follow up "they’ll try to think of a solution". Very loud people should be directed for a hearing test if they are unable to speak normally. The coordinators have a duty of care for you all - that is inclusion.

  • Hopeless
    Hopeless Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 1,004 Pioneering

    Thank you so much for your reply. It is a relief to know I’m not the only one who struggles so much. This is a community garden too - it’s much worse at the moment as we’re in a cabin. Outside in better weather is more tolerable though still frustrating. I’m tired of feeling excluded because I’m quiet. I feel I will snap at some point which I really don’t want to do. I have very little support and so the garden is important to me. I will go shopping for some ear defenders

  • OverlyAnxious
    OverlyAnxious Online Community Member Posts: 5,799 Championing

    This has happened to me in the past as well. But I see it very much as my problem rather than anyone else's. It would be selfish of me to expect others to be excluded because of the way they are. Having a loud voice or a shrieking laugh isn't 'selfishness' in my opinion. I only used to do outdoor socialising partly for this reason.

  • WhatThe
    WhatThe Online Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 5,476 Championing
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1101051#Comment_1101051

    I'm so glad you found your happy place too 🌵 I will try to dig out (pun intended) a review site I used because you won't want to wear heavy ones. I can't recommend mine but someone on the forum may help here. They are a visible reminder I always hope.

    Is there enough fresh air in the cabin? Rooms quickly become stuffy in damp weather but there's a simple solution for that. If you need to step outside because of somebody's noise then they should be made aware of your discomfort.

    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1101090#Comment_1101090

    Perhaps self-centredness is a better word? We aren't talking about parties and shrieking laughter but educational facilities and therapy groups.

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