Hi, my name is Oz0101!

@Oz0101

I used to volunteer for many years in a women’s refuge, and what you’re describing is something I recognise very clearly as coercive control and domestic abuse. Men experience this too, even though it isn’t talked about as often, and the impact is just as real and just as damaging.

Someone living under this level of control often has to plan their escape very carefully, so it makes complete sense that you’re doing the same. You’re not imagining this and you’re not overreacting. What you’re describing is abuse, and you deserve safety and support.

If you don’t feel able to wait months, there are safe ways to get help sooner. Your children can speak to Adult Social Care or the police for you and explain that you’re being confined and controlled. Safeguarding teams are used to supporting people who can’t safely make the call themselves, so it doesn’t have to be you who raises the concerns.

If you leave because of domestic abuse, the council has a duty to help you the same day. You won’t be left without support. Once you’re safe, you can look at Universal Credit, housing support and disability benefits with someone who can guide you gently and at your own pace.

Reaching out here is a brave first step, and there is help available whenever you feel ready. I’ve seen lives deeply affected by abuse, but I want you to know you are not beyond help or hope. With the right support, people do rebuild, and you deserve that same chance to move towards a safer, calmer life.

@Community_Scope @Mary_Scope

While Scope’s email is well intentioned, and I do not wish to criticise, I’m really worried about the safety implications here.

Oz0101 has said openly that his wife checks his phone every single day. That means he has no privacy at all. In a situation shaped by eight years of coercive control, even a small digital trace can be dangerous.

If an email notification from the community forum were to appear on his phone, it could immediately expose that he’s been reaching out for help. Given the level of monitoring he’s described, that isn’t a minor concern. It could escalate things very quickly and put him at real risk.

People who live under coercive control often have every part of their digital life scrutinised. A single unexpected notification can be enough to trigger suspicion or retaliation.

I’m raising this because the risk here is genuine. We need to make sure the platform isn’t unintentionally putting him at further risk.