Feeling Fed Up and Unheard

Donmar
Donmar Community Member Posts: 11 Listener

Sorry for the long post not sure what i need advice or just get it off my chest.

Not sure where to start..

Only posted on here twice both to do with Work Capability being refused and trying to fight the decision.

My Work Capability update got citizens advice with getting a Tribunal Appeal so waiting for a date for that. Got a appointment on 7th April with benefit adviser from citizens advice on what happens next, had my Tribunal bundle by post on 4th April, after reading it i can see why they refused me, the person who done the assessment ( which was done over phone on 30th Oct '25) i don't think she actually listened to anything i said. I was only given 9 points for standing and sitting part and got no other points for anything else.

I told them on my form and during the assessment that i walk slow and need to take regular breaks when walking and climbing stairs etc.. due to pain in my spine, shaking of legs and feeling loss of balance (where i tend to lean to my right and feel like i'm falling). that i do online shopping but my son 22 and daughter 19 bring the shopping in and put it away, has i can answer the door but that is it, meals my children cook for me or i use my one cup kettle, toast or air fryer because i can press the button and then go rest and they switch themselves off. When i do go out I have a lift from a friend or my daughters friend and my daughter or friend is with me, If i need to get a bus/train on a very rare occasion my daughter is with me has i get anxiety, feel like everyone is staring at me because i am in pain and walk funny. The person put on the assessment report that i can cook my own meals on problem, i can do online shopping, bring it in and put it away with no help and that i have no problem catching a bus/train by myself to a place i have been before and even a place i have never been too.

Too top that off in Jan '26 my GP done Blood tests to see if there was a underlining health issue she didn't know about that was making my Spinal Epidural Lipomatosis/ Spine Stenosis ( still waiting to see which one it is). I was found to have low iron (normal for me), low Vitamin D and possible kidney/ liver problems. while being treated for the low Vitamin D and having a sickness bug which would stop for a day or two then return and having bloods every week, i was sent into hospital has my kidney blood work was showing possible kidney damage, I ended up in hospital for 15 days where i was treated for low iron, Urinary Retention and Hydronephrosis ( Kidney damage) which the doctors/ consultants think was due to my spine (urine retention can be a symptom off my spine condition worsening) where i could not empty my bladder so the urine was going back up around my kidneys which caused the damage. I had to have a Colonoscopy and Gastroscopy (i couldn't have has a started to panic)

I feel fed up because i have a urine catheter until June possibly longer depends how on if my kidneys blood work markers keep dropping ( which is a positive thing), If i have any problems with my catheter i have to attend A+E has the district nurse can't treat me has when i was catheterized in hospital the nurses or doctors couldn't do it so a uranology surgical consultant had to do it and he said he had problems catheterizing me, so i am having to explain the situation every time i order leg and night catheter bags which i change myself has i used to work as a care assistant in a nursing home before my children were born, they consultants have stopped all my medication including pain killers so i am having to buy paracetamol over the counter after checking with my GP ( I have a appointment on 10th April after nagging for a appointment to be seen in person). when i put a fitnote in saying Spinal Disease they accepted it on my U/C journal but when i had to go see my work coach in person she said i was found fit for work last year and she can't accept the fitnote. she said the word worsening needs to be on it which i ssaid the word worsening was on the one from Jan'26 and the journal said it was accepted you wanted to see it and said you wouldn't accept it as i had been found fit for work last year. i'm so fed up of it all with them.

My daughter is my full time carer and getting carers allowance for it, I feel shaky and breathless if i stand/walk for more than 2/3 mins, my mood is all over the place, i can just start crying for no reason out the blue, struggling to leave the house because i'm finding it really hard adjusting to have a catheter, my spinal condition worsening and having to rely on my daughter or friend if i leave the house or in the house.

I'm so used to being the one since my childhood of caring and looking after people but finding it hard adjusting to my new way of life and the limitations i now have. i'm can see the positive that my kidneys are very slowly getting better just haven't felt like this since i was still with my emotionally, mentally and phsyical absive now ex husband of 14 years. I got so strong and worked on myself for myself and children but the last year and half seems like i'm just going backwards.

Comments

  • Santosha12
    Santosha12 Posts: 4,283 Championing

    Hello @Donmar, a very warm welcome to you. I'm so sorry you're going through so very much and are/have been unheard. I'm so glad you've got your specialist appointment this coming week, I'm sure you will be heard and helped.

    I was unheard at my PIP assessment in Dec 2022; eventually heard and seen at Tribunal in March 2024 so it can be a bit of a long road. Please keep with it. Hopefully, your journey will not be so long for you to get the help you deserve. Please repeat fully, next week, what you've said here.

    You will find then that you're going forwards, not backwards with support. We all need that sometimes. It can be hard/impossible to do it alone. Take good care and my very warmest wishes to you.

  • Donmar
    Donmar Community Member Posts: 11 Listener

    thank you Santosha12

  • Bluebell21
    Bluebell21 Community Member Posts: 2,945 Trailblazing

    Hi @Donmar welcome to the Community from me too. With so many challenges it is no wonder your are feeling so overwhelmed.

    We always seem to have to fight the hardest when we are least able to.

    It can be very difficult accepting we are no longer able to live the life we used to. The only way to do this is to focus on what you are able to do now and not compare it to what you did before.

    Good luck with your appointment on the 7 April with the benefit advisor from Citizens Advice and your GP on the 10 April. Let us know how you get on.

    Perhaps try to do one thing everyday. It does not need to be something big, maybe getting up and dressed, or getting up and brushing your teeth. Then you have achieved something that day.

    We are here anytime you would like to chat.

    Take care.

  • SheffieldMan1976
    SheffieldMan1976 Posts: 1,646 Connected

    For some stupid reason this happens a LOT, people who clearly aren't, get found "fit to work" by the DWP idiots purely to "balance the books" and reduce the MASSIVE benefits Bill.

    Even though in most cases it's THEIR fault the benefits bills are so massive in the first place.

  • Donmar
    Donmar Community Member Posts: 11 Listener

    Thank you everyone for the advice.

    I went to the doctors and she was so nice and understanding, she let me talk without cutting me off (which i find my work coach doe this a lot to me).

    the doctor went through the hospital records they received and explained it all to me, she wasn't impressed that they took me off all my tablets but hadn't informed me that i could take Pregabalin Crescent tablets instead which will help with my neuropathic pain, my anxiety and also my depression which has started to get really bad. she has referred me to a mental health nurse to help me mentally get used to what is now going to be the new me.

    I'm still me but just to adjust, there's things i can't do and thing's i can do but will need to do slowly. I went to my local beach an hour away to watch fireworks last night it was just what i needed, i stayed in the car to watch them and even though i was in pain was glad i pushed myself to do it, paying for it today can hardly move so nice chilled day.

  • Holly_Scope
    Holly_Scope Posts: 5,307 Online Community Team

    That sounds like a really positive appointment, and sounds like a very lovely Doctor too.

    Fireworks at the beach sounds awesome and a great way to finish your day. Enjoy a well deserved day of rest 😊

  • Donmar
    Donmar Community Member Posts: 11 Listener

    Thank you Holly_Scope 😊

    Going to have a nice chill day, daughter just got me a subway so having that with a cuppa tea and doughnut from the beach last night that she got me.

  • PracticeWotUPreach
    PracticeWotUPreach Community Member Posts: 115 Empowering

    @Donmar


    So sorry for what you are going through.

    Not sure if you are aware but you are entitled to ask for a new work coach if you are unhappy with your current one. Hope things workout for you. Take care

  • Santosha12
    Santosha12 Posts: 4,283 Championing

    I am so pleased @Donmar that you were able to see your doctor and got a positive, supportive response and thank you for letting us know. Well done getting out last night and today - enjoy! (especially that doughnut 😋😁). Take good care.

  • Donmar
    Donmar Community Member Posts: 11 Listener

    All went well with Citizens Advice she is taking me through it step by step, she said she tells it has it is and if she thought i shouldn't go to appeal she say don't go but she said i should go for it which i am with their support. I have also filled in my work capability questionnaire they sent me regarding worsening of my old and new health conditions, she said fill it in and then if they refuse to take it to her and she will appeal it. also applied for my medical history covering the last 2 years from doctors and hospital.

    Seen mental health nurse and i've got to self refer to a counsellor so done that, finally starting to feel a little heard.

    had a bad few days with pain in my spine and legs which has resulted in spasms on times so not been able to do much and still getting used to my new medication which is helping but i'm falling asleep with them always seems for about an hour after taking them.

    on a good note with all my time where i can't move around much lol, i'm looking at things that need to be done around my home and what colours to paint, i'm really drawn to light pink and olive green ( i hate pink) for some reason.