When things don't work out...

justsaying2025
justsaying2025 Community Member Posts: 69 Contributor
in Benefits and income

Just for context, I've worked all my life. I enjoyed it. I'm a survivor of abuse and rape. Never made that my identity (just in case you think that). I recently tried to go from part time to full time and I've failed. It's made me ill, wish I've had stayed with my part time. I was trying desperately to move off needing help (benefits). Partly a burning determination to get back to me (before the psychopath) and also the ongoing fear and anxiety re gov help/benefits - removal. Jeez. Failed.

Comments

  • WelshBlue
    WelshBlue Community Member Posts: 1,365 Championing

    I don't read failed.

    I see someone who tried and it didn't work out … but succeeded in so many other ways.

    Don't put yourself down … there's always someone else willing to do that in this life

  • Bluebell21
    Bluebell21 Community Member Posts: 3,865 Championing

    Hi @justsaying2025 You only fail if you do not try. You are someone to be admired for trying something different. You might not have managed it this time but there is always another time.

    You are still you and to be a survivor of abuse and rape and to work even part time is a great achievement.

    Be kind to yourself.

    Take care.

  • Rosie_Scope
    Rosie_Scope Posts: 8,699 Online Community Team

    Hi @justsaying2025, sorry to hear you had a rough time trying full time work. It's really commendable that you've tried even if it didn't work out how you hoped.

    I know there must be a lot of personal feelings involved after all you've been through, but please don't feel like a failure for trying. It sounds like it must have been really difficult for you. If you can manage it, try to allow yourself a bit of kindness and grace for all that you've got yourself through.

    Have your work been understanding about it?

  • Stellar
    Stellar Community Member Posts: 500 Trailblazing
    edited June 15

    So sorry.

    Worth remembering that the neoliberal claims "working full time hours is good" and "benefits being shameful" are absolute ****. a lot of your shame is due to subconsciously interbalising these neoliberal, capitalist beliefs. this is not your fault.

    Humans are not designed to cope with a full-time working week, and everyone in these jobs are gaslighting themselves into thinknig they can cope. Full time work is an artificial construct that disabled people, including trauma survivors like yourself, cannot invisibly handle. Hence why employers routinely sack us, alongside screening us out in recruitment processes.

    If you do try to work again, returning to part time work, while building up an online income stream you can do flexibly to cover the shortfall can mitigate the loss.

    If you're still on UC, so long as you lasted less than six months, your claim should continue as before.

  • justsaying2025
    justsaying2025 Community Member Posts: 69 Contributor

    Thanks all, for your lovely words & your kindness. Called 111 and the mental health Dr called and said 'what'. Vile, she put the phone down. No doubt she'll send lies to the GP and make it easier for the psychopath to make out I'm 'crazy'. The whole reason I don't reach out… then I do…

  • justsaying2025
    justsaying2025 Community Member Posts: 69 Contributor

    Thanks, I know the inner critic is winning atm. The voice that says I've failed, again. I had got better at being kind to me & then we're back at being mean-to me.

    Thanks again, xxx

  • Emilee
    Emilee Community Member Posts: 39 Connected
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1132161#Comment_1132161

    When my inner critic takes over I try and spend some time separating the thoughts from facts.

    Countering your inner critic isn't about positive thinking, it's about finding the facts amidst the noise.

    It can also help to ask whose voice you're hearing. Our inner critics are a culmilnation of other negative voices we've heard over the years. It's not about blaming anyone, but it can be so interesting when you start to examine your self-talk, how much you'll notice isn't self-generated.

    Would you say the things you say to yourself to someone else that was going through the same thing?

    In other words, be kind to yourself. Give yourself the grace you'd give other people.

  • Rachel_Scope
    Rachel_Scope Posts: 3,893 Online Community Team

    Try not to be so hard on yourself @justsaying2025. You tried something incredibly difficult and scary and realised it's not the right time for you. You can try again in the future if you feel able to. Are you able to switch back to part-time in the same role?

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