Why do guys ghost me after a hook up after telling them i’m autistic? 

dancerxoxo96
dancerxoxo96 Community Member Posts: 40 Connected
in Relationships

I told a guy that I am on the spectrum after we had sex and he said that he didn’t know that then I haven’t heard from him again. I even told him they could still have sex. Why would he ghost me or any guy ghost me when they find out I’m autistic? You think it’s because of the misconceptions he may have of me? I even told him autistic people could still have sex then he ghosted me. How come? I told him only because he works with people with autism. Why does this always happen to me?

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  • Rosie_Scope
    Rosie_Scope Posts: 8,935 Online Community Team

    That's rough @dancerxoxo96. Sorry that you find this happens to you a lot. Some people might make assumptions about Autistic people and what they can or can't do when it's really individual to that person. That said, he may have ghosted you for another reason unrelated to your Autism. Some people do just ghost people all the time. It's so difficult to know why and it must leave you wondering about it.

    It must be really frustrating and upsetting, but if he's ghosted you it sounds like he's not ready to be with you anyway and may not be the nicest person to be interacting with.

    Are you hoping to find someone to have a long term relationship with or are you enjoying seeing people casually?

  • dancerxoxo96
    dancerxoxo96 Community Member Posts: 40 Connected
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1128233#Comment_1128233

    I enjoy seeing people casually

  • SheffieldMan1976
    SheffieldMan1976 Posts: 3,147 Connected
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/146619/why-do-guys-ghost-me-after-a-hook-up-after-telling-them-i-m-autistic

    With respect, I learned the hard way several years ago don't tell anyone anything they don't NEED to know.

    I now set my online Blog and YouTube channel to private to deter trolls, I had to due to a few too many nasty comments when I was less savvy than I am now and had everything in public.

  • WhatThe
    WhatThe Community Member, Scope Member Posts: 6,040 Championing
    edited May 28
    1. Few people know what we mean when we tell them we're autistic
    2. A hook up is just that; no questions or complications and you do ask a lot of questions!
    3. Some men may think that aged 30, you're after more than casual sex, even if you don't know it yourself
    4. If and when you live independently, you can plan as many hook ups as you like but not while you need support from your mum. You describe yourself as a high-functioning mentally disabled girl which is confusing even for me as a member of this community.
    5. Your MH isn't something a stranger on a dating site wants to hear about on day 1. Practice talking about something other than sex.
  • anatoli17
    anatoli17 Community Member Posts: 4 Listener

    Hi @dancerxoxo96 ,

    Well, as a guy, I've seen many other guys act that way, and honestly I find it kind of disrespectful.

    There could be many reasons for it, but I think your focus should be on finding someone you genuinely care about and who feels the same way about you.

    That way, you'll at least have someone who treats you with the respect and care you deserve.

    As for the guys who ghost you, I wouldn't focus too much on yourself but rather on them. They could be feeling all sorts of things, and some of them are probably more worried about their image or what other people might think. Sadly, for some really stupid reason, some people see dating an autistic person as something "weird," so they run away from it. That's their problem because it says a lot more about them than it does about you.

    I also don't think this only happens because of autism. It happens to people without autism all the time too. Ghosting is such a common behaviour nowadays, and I think it's one of the reasons why it's better not to have sexual interactions with people who are only looking for that and nothing more.

    I truly wish you find someone who's worth your time. And honestly, every person who ghosted you gave you the opportunity not to waste your time on them and instead get one step closer to finding the right person.

  • ChrisR777
    ChrisR777 Community Member Posts: 1,412 Trailblazing

    If this happens to you repeatedly, you must surely be over-sharing? If I met someone in a club ( many years ago now), I certainly wouldn't want to hear their life story.

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