17 Year old Son : Not sure how to support

Angelstation
Angelstation Community Member Posts: 1 Listener
in Families and carers

New to this page. My son is 17 (about to turn 18 in October)

I have no doubt that he has ASD or and ADHD. I have always wondered if he was on the spectrum, but school always convinced me otherwise. He hasn't been officially tested. As he has got older it really has become more noticeable. I firmly believe Covid also affected him being so isolated. He doesn't see his own issues, but he literally struggles with everything day to day without prompts. If just left he would stay in his room 99.9% of the time. He has a small group (of 3 or 4) friends from school he speaks to online, but he barely goes out, even leaving his room. i hear him on the phone to them whilst gaming and he sounds happy and laughing, but it's not healthy physically and mentally. He is currently at college 2 and a half days, but i struggle to wake him up even when he has gone to bed at a reasonable hour. We can have full on conversations with him upon him waking, but he doesn't remember the conversation. like he was still asleep. We have tried every alarm known to man, but none of them wake him. They wake us all accept him. Flashing, vibrations, loud tone etc but he sleeps through it all. It is a daily battle to wake him and get him up. (Even for things he wants to do : Driving lessons, days out if he has arranged to see a friend)

He has a very additive hyper focus on a thing at a time which becomes so draining. (Such as wanting to get a dirt bike) as it's the same discussions a million times.

Constant dopamine seeking with food. Processed foods etc. No off button with fizzy drinks, sweets etc. fast foods. Will go all day without drinking or eating unless pressed to, and even that is a struggle. He doesn't eat a lot as such, just the wrong things.

It causes so much friction in the family as i am constantly having to manage him. I can't see how he will ever function normally as such. Needs prompts for washing, his room is always a mess even when easy to maintain. I have made sure of this. Time blindness. Needs prompts for EVERYTHING.

I just want to help him, and not sure where to go with it all. He doesn't see there being any problem. I am finding it so hard myself. We have 3 children in total and they suffer too and are probably on the pathway too. I realised i may too.

I just don't know where to get help for this for him firstly or how to make him aware or reach out.

Sorry for the rambling, and well done if you have got this far. Where do i go first for this? and how to i get him to "see"

Comments

  • Rosie_Scope
    Rosie_Scope Posts: 9,388 Online Community Team

    Hi @Angelstation, that sounds like a difficult situation to navigate.

    If his issues are related to ADHD or ASD, it might take time for him to come round and see how it might be affecting him. It's a tricky age as he's about to become an adult in terms of accessing NHS services and support. If it does turn out to be the right answer for him, it's not always simple getting a diagnosis, but it could be helpful to help him understand his needs as he goes into adult life.

    If you feel it's something that's present in the family, perhaps someone else investigating it may influence him to think about it for himself.

    ADHD UK have a self-screener questionnaire. It's not a diagnosis tool, and you would still need to seek a clinical assessment if you chose to go down that path. But it might give you an idea about whether it's something worth looking into for yourself or other adults in your family: Adult ADHD Self Screening Tool - ADHD UK

    You can also speak to your GP if you suspect you or other family members might have autism. There's some information here about requesting autism assessments in case that's helpful to you: How to request an autism assessment

    Have you spoken to him about your concerns? What kind of things does he say if you talk to him about it?

  • ChrisR777
    ChrisR777 Community Member Posts: 1,887 Championing

    Soon the majority

    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1143356#Comment_1143356

    I can't imagine old Mr Kaiser would have been thrilled with me lying in bed in the morning, my morning paper round (one of three) started about 05:45. I have 'fond' memories of helping the other lads jump start his Ford Cortina some mornings. He should have tried a bicycle like us!

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