I'm terrified of the future

Thank you for responding, I know deep down its the reaction they want, im just spiralling at the moment. Life for me has been difficult since ive been young, a dad with mental health issues, my wife is epileptic and has taken many years to become somewhat stable on high dosage of medication as well as my son needing support, ive been in a state of fight and flight for literal years and now this feeling only impending doom wont shift.

I struggle to do much right now, even going to the shops with my wife takes it out of me, and theres not many other avenues I can go down for support. He'll even posting on here felt stupid inside, but I think I admit I needed to reach out and not feel alone.

@Rachel_Scope thank you, Just my wife really and ongoing therapy privately. I fear so much because there's little I can do to protect my family, I struggle to support them and know if things go bad (yes im getting at the whole reform stuff ongoing) as a family we will be up the creak as we have little outside family support. It feels everything that we have as a diagnosis or illness is simultaneously being scrutinised as of late which just sends me backwards again.

@Rachel_Scope I appreciate the concern, but honestly ive been back and forward with several GP's for over 13 years and had to advocate for myself as much as I can.

My wife knows everything we always try to be clear with each other on how we feel especially around health as we dont want it affecting our children.

It may sound silly but I still struggle to accept I'm "disabled" despite being this way for so long and struggling so much. My overall Health has deteriorated over the past 2/3 years, Im in pain daily and still feel like I should be doing more because of past trauma.

I start spiralling to the point of thinking ill end up alone on the streets or something because I can't cope, but still be told im well enough to not need support. At what point does somebody become "severe" and how do you even see that with invisible disabilities. It seems that people are more likely to believe what others say online or in the media instead of what actual stats and surveys show (which is usually the opposite). I dont know, im probably rambling now, I just struggle right now to see a future in this country anymore tbh.

@Rachel_Scope Thank you, I struggle with addiction at times (nothing ever major but I can see the habits developing and I attempt to cut them out for example gambling too much so I self excluded and haven't tried since) but news has been the latest one now.

Ive had brief encounters with DBT but not specifically this as a stand alone therapy. I am on a waiting list for compassion based therapy with a psychologist, so I can attempt to question more there.

Thank you for at least dedicating some time towards helping, it means a lot.