Having issues I didn't expect with demand avoidance and toileting

Not fully sure where to start with this... This will seem largely focused on one issue but also there's a lot going on. I was diagnosed Autistic almost a month ago and I'm on the roller coaster post diagnosis.

I've been in burnout since June. I quit my job a few weeks ago. However since diagnosis burnout has hit harder?

Eating is very difficult sensory wise and hunger signal wise. Other things too.

I've been having a lot of shutdowns and my sensory tolerance is a lot lower.

Warning ⚠️ if you continue this talks a lot about peeing and issues of that nature.

My main focus of this is going to the toilet. That's become difficult. I've always had issues in that department urge incontinence as a kid I wouldn't use toilet all day at school and had many accidents. I learnt to manage by knowing where toilets are, avoiding trigger situations and limiting liquids etc.

So occasionally that's an issue but it's been fine. However when I'm stressed I suddenly feel the need to pee all the time. And that makes me worried I'll have an accident. That was pre diagnosis.

Now on Sat night I went into a big shutdown. This may be TMI but I got stuck on the sofa for a few hours zoned out heavy couldn't think or move really. Before I sat down I'd put a bin bag and several towels and blankets down. I don't remember why I did this but given that was under me on the sofa and I felt stuck I just peed there. Initially I couldn't even feel the wetness.

Then eventually got myself up took the same set up to bed. Crashed. Then ended up doing similar in bed. Bare in mind I hadn't lost control I just felt so out of it.

Anyways, in the past I've used pull ups I thought as a sexual thing but I'm understanding now it's sensory and comfort seeking. I've done it since a young child. So somewhere in this I ordered some.

Over the next few days I have been using them on and off. It makes me feel grounded and takes off the demand.

I've realised I have demand avoidance in relation to using the toilet to pee. This is now causing me an issue because every time I try to pee it refuses or not much comes out.

I can pee and I'm not unable but I'm definitely not emptying properly and that combined with the constant urge and demand avoidance means I'm tensing and causing a headache, think from elevating my blood pressure.

My signals are usually very muted and I usually don't notice I need to pe until desperate. However it's flipped all I can focus on is the near constant "You need to pee NOW" and then my mind goes no but as I say does leak a little sometimes. It's like there's no difference between full and empty atm it's just switched on.

I'm now finding I'm either needing to talk to myself about something, look at things on my phone to pee on the toilet. Can happen without but hard. If I'm in a pull up and I stand doing "jobs" in the kitchen I can pee. Basically if it's not me activity going for a pee I can.

I keep sitting on the sofa again TMI but nothing on lower half on towels and I end up leaking a little bit of pee. So I know my bladder is full it just won't fully release. I am peeing plenty and am still passing fluid so I hope it's ok? Seeing my GP on Mon again and dropped off a urine sample today plus been referred to a kidney dr (is that a urologist?). Given I also have a duplex kidney it could be related and I would panic but this sorta thing has happened before just not quite this intense.

Still it's making me quite uncomfortable and ashamed tbh. I'm struggling wirh clothing sensory wise on my lower half so I can't ignore the fact that I'm in a pull up and tbh I don't even hate it. I'm 26 and I just didn't expect to go from working functioning to struggling to do basic stuff and using pull ups etc. Idek.I just feel shame… I know if it works it works.

I'm hoping I can get back to normal soon because it's stressing me out. I just didn't expect this from post diagnostic life.

I hope this is ok to post but I am struggling with this and realising my autistic burnout is pretty bad. This is only one of many things happening.

They don't prep you for this.

Thanks in advance and again hope this is OK ik it's a bit TMI.