Isolation and keeping up friendships

catsarefluffy
catsarefluffy Community Member Posts: 32 Connected
in Mental health and wellbeing

Does anyone feel like physical illness and disability makes socialising harder?

I never had much luck anyways finding or keeping friends anyways because I felt alienated for having a different culture. However being undiagnosed with chronic illness for so long I was so confused why I could only put energy into school, university and work. After expending my energy into those commitments I didn't have any to socialise. Definitely feeling the isolation these days.

I wish I diagnosed sooner to pace myself and perhaps to have left energy more for socials so I wouldn't be so isolated in my later 20s.

Comments

  • Carl_Scope
    Carl_Scope Posts: 333 Scope online community team

    I don't think you're alone in feeling that way, @catsarefluffy. Almost all of my energy is spent on doing the things I need to do to get by and by the time it comes to doing anything social, the tank is running pretty dry. What are some good ways you find that help you recharge?

  • catsarefluffy
    catsarefluffy Community Member Posts: 32 Connected

    @Carl_Scope hello, thanks for your message. I'm not sure what recharges me lately. I have fibromyalgia so a lot of rest is unrefreshing 🤔

    Maybe cats? Hahaha

  • Mary_Scope
    Mary_Scope Posts: 6,234 Scope online community team

    Hi @catsarefluffy and a warm welcome to the community from me!

    Do you have any cats? We do have pets corner which is full of members pets, (lots of cats!) that you may enjoy😊

  • justdisabled
    justdisabled Community Member Posts: 4 Listener

    I feel this so much. Disability cost me relationship and career. Shutting myself off cost me the few friendships I had. Now, I'm disabled and alone. I cant do anything with anyone because I always feel my accessibility needs mean I just become a burden

  • catsarefluffy
    catsarefluffy Community Member Posts: 32 Connected
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1150831#Comment_1150831

    I don't have cats, no. I love looking at pictures of them though. Thanks!

  • catsarefluffy
    catsarefluffy Community Member Posts: 32 Connected

    That's so relatable. I don't like feeling like I'm burden either , but if you think about it if a friend was in your position, you wouldn't call them a burden right?

  • MrHappy2
    MrHappy2 Community Member Posts: 64 Contributor

    25yrs ago i was the life and soul of the party. Today i am a full blown recluse that very rarely ventures outside. Zero friends and zero support (the zero support was my choice though because social services and daily carers would be available to me).

    Disability has certainly impacted my ability to socialize because the effort required to shower/dress/make myself presentable etc, then go somewhere i now find a bridge too far.

    Time now 02:09am and i haven't even tried to sleep because at 08:30am i have an MOT booked at my local KwikFit for my Motability car. The stress i feel about venturing outside is off the scale and its quite possible i won't even go for the MOT test which will cause me a world of trouble with Motability because the MOT test has to occur as per the terms of my Motability lease.

  • catsarefluffy
    catsarefluffy Community Member Posts: 32 Connected
    https://forum.scope.org.uk/discussion/comment/1150923#Comment_1150923

    Sorry to hear. Illness/disability is definitely life changing. It's hard to even do things others may find easy like getting ready let alone go out to socialise. At the moment I'm trying a remote support group. Perhaps something online or on the the telephone like befriending might feel more doable?

    Take care of yourself.

  • Epistle_Rich
    Epistle_Rich Community Member Posts: 37 Connected

    Consider getting a penpal ✍️ (digital counts too)

    Never mind what you receive in reply, there's something super therapeutic about writing yourself down and reading it back, anticipating how it'll be received, and thus having the opportunity to reconsider your existing perspectives: a sort of auto-bibliotherapy 📖

    Come to think of it, even a diary would do 🤔

  • GentlyMelted
    GentlyMelted Community Member Posts: 18 Connected

    Yeah I'm so knackered here now that making friends and doing things is not happening. I'm even reluctant to properly try dating apps because I only have myself to offer. The idea of explaining to new people that ooh I can't walk that fast, oh no sorry I can't travel... ect is just horrible. Unless I magically meet exactly the right person within arms reach of my tiny footprint in this world now this looks like it for me. I'll try to stay happy and be myself but I'm only human and humans need other humans... And I have no idea how I can fix that. ...

  • Rachel_Scope
    Rachel_Scope Posts: 5,417 Scope online community team

    Do you think some mental health support might be helpful @GentlyMelted?

  • GentlyMelted
    GentlyMelted Community Member Posts: 18 Connected

    It's unfortunately complex in that area too. My 'wife' told hospital staff I was mad and hearing voices. She completely made that up when she saw something was wrong. Refused to believe my arms werent working, said I was saying that because I was mad ect... so when all this started, hospital and mental health people listened to her and treated me like it was true. I have yet to get that **** off my record. Now myolopathy is confirmed hopefully it will be easier once I get legal aid. So I'm reluctant ro seek any kind of mental health anything after that. They were not nice either. Having the reality of my situation cast as something else while that horrible woman sits back and watches was terrifying in this state. And that was before I ended up on the streets because nobody would help me and she had the neighbours targeting me in this state.... so yeah.... complex and difficult. Ehat I need is a few gentle friends and a suitable house..... I have no idea if I will get that, let alone before surgery. I can't even answer your simple question without loads of detail about other stuff. It's awful being like this...

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