Feeling like people won't make time for me

catsarefluffy
catsarefluffy Community Member Posts: 32 Connected
in Mental health and wellbeing

With physical disability it hits even harder because it basically filtered out who would actually listen to my needs when it got harder to meet in real life.

I get depressed near my bday or special occasions because it reminds me people wouldn't make time for me.

Tried to make it special for myself this year. Welp my cousin cancelled me for bday plans and friends are meeting other friends instead.

When I'm finally trying to be optimistic and met with disappointment as usual.

I'm not big on the centre on the attention but I like quality time with people, you know?

I don't want to feel too much for people or just simply feel wanted?

Comments

  • Dynamisante
    Dynamisante Community Member Posts: 244 Contributor

    hey, I’m pleased that you tried to make it special for yourself, that’s so lovely, you are the one that matters, I know it’s so hard but see if you can just let it be about yourself and no one else, sometimes in life people just don’t have the time for others it’s such a sad thing I know, I’m so sorry that your friends let you down .

  • Rachel_Scope
    Rachel_Scope Posts: 5,417 Scope online community team

    I'm so sorry @catsarefluffy. What can you do for yourself that would make the day special?

    I'm sure you are wanted. Sometimes life gets in the way and I bet your friends and cousin don't realise how much this is affecting you.

  • Anhedonia2
    Anhedonia2 Community Member Posts: 456 Empowering

    @catsarefluffy I kind of understand where you're coming from, I feel like I make a lot of effort for people but no one really recipriocates or has the same care for me. It really sucks that your birthday plans have been cancelled, is there something you could still do on your own to care for yourself and treat yourself?

  • catsarefluffy
    catsarefluffy Community Member Posts: 32 Connected

    Thank you! I'm not used to making things about myself

  • catsarefluffy
    catsarefluffy Community Member Posts: 32 Connected

    @Dynamisante Thank you! I'm not used to making things about myself

    @Rachel_Scope maybe so, I think I found others who made time for me now thankfully. Perhaps they don't have that much emphasis on their own bday so don't realise someone else might and it's nothing personal I hope!

    @Anhedonia2 I'm sorry to hear you've had a similar experience. I find dialing back and evaluating who actually pours into your cup as well helps to not overextend your energy. I think I might have bday plans again after trying again asking around?

    Thanks everyone

  • birdwatcher
    birdwatcher Community Member Posts: 191 Empowering

    I'm so sorry your cousin let you down. What would I do in your situation? I know. Would it be possible for you to get yourself some chocolate, cheese, cream cake, whatever you fancy. Make yourself a drink and just chill in front of the tv for an hour? Or ,if you can manage it ,a nice hot bubble bath? Do yourself a lovely tea maybe? Listen to your favourite music. Just treat yourself. It's your day. Spend it doing something for you. And I understand exactly what you mean about feeling wanted. I'd always thought of myself as a sociable person with a lot of friends. Until I went off my feet. I became invisible! Doesn't bother me now but probably did at the time. I'm fortunate that my friend looks after me very well. It's funny really. When my legs first started to fail I didn't expect him to be just as good to me as he is. Plus I've still got my dog, I refuse to give her up so that's a big win. I always say I'll never be lonely while I've got her.

  • Rachel_Scope
    Rachel_Scope Posts: 5,417 Scope online community team

    I love those suggestions @birdwatcher 😊

    I've found that others don't really bother much with their birthday and it's changed how I see my own birthday now @catsarefluffy. I still want to celebrate but I understand that people probably don't realise how much I care about it and don't think much of not being able to attend. Not in a bad way at all, more that we all put emphasis on different things in our lives. I hope that makes some kind of sense!

  • GentlyMelted
    GentlyMelted Community Member Posts: 18 Connected
    edited October 24

    @catsarefluffy Me too. Completely alone so there's nobody to even ignore me now. It's my 50th next month and I'm kinda dreading it. I'm seriously ill on top of everything else now too. I just long for a partner I'll likely never get now. I don't even know what to try to prepare for here it's all just impossible. Not nice is it. Most non bon...

  • catsarefluffy
    catsarefluffy Community Member Posts: 32 Connected

    Yeah maybe we have to be super obvious and ask what would make us feel good? I did try to do something this weekend despite being incredibly sick. The enjoyment will come later I recover lol

    @birdwatcher @Rachel_Scope

  • catsarefluffy
    catsarefluffy Community Member Posts: 32 Connected

    Hmmm idk if it's useful to hear or not. But I'm an aromantic ace. I tend to focus more on platonic and family ties rather than romance because that's always hardest to find, and makes most people sad

    Any friends or family you could spend time with for your milestone? Even if it's maybe an online meet with illness?

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