feeling upset
My name is Barry [removed by moderator - personal information] I am 47 years old with Cerebral Palsy. Down to me having this I am in a Power Chair and I speak with a communication aide, what people can’t understand what I am saying to them, so I typing it into my speaking aide then I press the speech butter, when I am upset set sometimes I bit back of my hand, many people tell me came down, when people do this I feel more set, because if I was able to walk I might kick a wall, to make me feel better. Two years ago someone told me buy something to bit on, what may help. So, I did. great before I did this for many year I feel so bad. Now I can't stand people telling me CAME DOWN.
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Hi Barry. Oh I hate it too when I'm upset and somebody tells me to calm down. I'm not a dog that is trained to respond to commands. This saying is great....
The way I see it, telling a person who is upset that they should calm down dismisses what they're upset about and instead puts the focus on the fact that they're upset. So I just get more upset when someone tells me to calm down. It fuels the fire. Do you relate to that?
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Hey Barry, I'm sorry that people tell you to calm down when you are so obviously so upset, that’s the last thing you need to hear, you are allowed to feel upset , maybe it’s because they care about you and are not sure what else they can say to you, could you write it on your speaking aid to let people know how you actually feel when they ask you to calm down ? Maybe keep it on there? Could you maybe get another biting aid ? As that seemed to work for you?, sorry if this is no help to you, x
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I completely agree @Bazalad. Being told to calm down is incredibly frustrating and only makes the situation worse. I think @Dynamisante has a great idea there. Could you get a note that explains that you may use your biting aid when frustrated? I also agree that it's probably that they are not sure what to say, not that that makes it any better for you.
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10000% being told to calm down when I'm upset, stressed or annoyed makes it soo much worse! Unfortunately I know I do it too, it's never meaning to dismiss but it's not being sure how to help and intended to be reassuring.
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I found only way I can calm down is by using tai chi quon I have cp and 7 other disabilities and developmental delay and learning disability on top
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A few years algo I went to talk to someone about how I was feeling, I told them sometimes I bite the back of my hand when I am feeling upset, the person told me it is liked an able body hitting a wall. A few months ago, I say to some communication aides using, one thing I can’t stand when people tell me to calm down when I am upset, because my body get more work up. The best think to do for me gave my space
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I really relate to that @Bazalad. Being told to calm down can be so frustrating when all you really need is space to yourself. Have you been able to talk to anyone recently about how you're feeling?
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thank
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walking away help me
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being told clam down get me more upset because I feel bad, I like the person go away then come back.
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Space helps me too @Bazalad. It typically gives me time to cool down. Similar to you, tension makes me bite (bruxism), so I have a dental night splint. This summer the biting got so bad that my jaw pain was through the roof. So my dentist told me to wear it during the day too if I find myself clenching. It really helps. Mind you, I only do that at home.
There's this guy called Jefferson Fisher who speaks on YouTube about how to communicate in difficult situations, and this is what he says about when people tell you to calm down. Maybe you and others could find this useful. I haven't tried any of this yet as I just found it. He's a bit more sharp than he usually is. Maybe he's upset? 😁
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I should add that I don't have cerebral palsy. The source of my jaw tension is psychological.
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Please don’t tell us to calm down
A few days algo I post on scope when many people who have Cerebral Palsy and user some form of communication aide liked a low text one or one with speech output. Sometimes when the person who can’t get understand and very upset with their self, sometime when they can’t speaking and very upset with their self they might hurt their self because they can’t get the words out, I spoke to someone a few years ago about why I do this, they told me this is like a able body hitting a wall. One thing I can’t stand is be told calm down. A few days algo someone say people who tell them clam down should calm down their self, many people say this to try to help, but having CP it make you feel more upset.
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This is a great message @Bazalad
Can you get this printed on a hat (if you wear hats) or on a LARGE badge so everyone around you can see it?
I carry a small bottle of water when I'm out so if I get upset or stressed, which I do often, it really helps calm me down.
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@WhatThe a badge or a hat saying "Don't tell me to calm down" is a great idea. Or how about this t-shirt on Pinterest? 😊
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Hey guys! I've been thinking a lot about this thread, including how using the word "tell" does not capture the meaning and feeling of "telling a person to calm down". I think telling someone to calm down is condescending and aggressive and inappropriate and dismissive and rude and authoritarian and, and, and.. So to me the word "order" is a more fitting word rather than "tell". So bearing that in mind, and that often just giving us space to collect our thoughts when we're upset is a good solution, I've designed this t-shirt. What do you think?
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On second thought, I decided to add a little bit of light-heartedness to the design, because it's a better idea that the person wearing the T-shirt doesn't come across as being as horrible as the person who tells people to calm down. And who knows, maybe the T-shirt could serve as an icebreaker or as a good conversation piece…. 😊
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I love it telling me to calm down does nothing only using my tai chi helps
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@trouble5316 thank you! 😁 I do a ton of stuff to calm down too as I have problems with anxiety and with getting overwhelmed. One of my favourites is meditations. Have you tried meditation?. There are loads of different styles I like, from mindfulness to guided imagery to instrumental and everything in vetween. Lately I've been doing fabulous instrumental chakra meditations on Insight Timer by a guy named Antonio Celotto. In case you or anyone is interested, here they are for free...
Oh, and I've just discovered kundalini music on this track from YouTube. It's so crazy awesome!
And of course nature is always a perfect cure-all … 😊
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I can really empathise with @Bazalad as my adult son uses a communication aid and a power chair and has issues with emotional regulation and I know he hates to be told to calm down! He also bites himself at times of stress/anger. Things like this are really difficult for communication aid users who may not be able to quickly type their responses, especially if they are angry or upset. Those of us who can speak can usually just say (or shout!) what we need to, immediately…for someone who uses a communication aid they have to think what they want to say, then remember how to spell it, or what the symbols are, and then physically somehow access the letters/words/symbols..all taking more time and effort
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