MONDAYS

Hello @PippaScope Thank you I hope so just me grumpy old man.  Not easy worse at weekends.  Use this forum for support and not being lonely.  All you all help.  I wish people outside were so calming, pleasant and polite.  Being a struggle today well it the start of another week and it feeling blue again.  No matter I can be understood here and warmth and the rest.  Thank you all.  Any way keep taking the meds and hope and pray for a better day ahead and struggle on.  Nice to talk to you Take care.

Hello @DannyMoore Good advice.  How are you?  Have not spoken for a while.  Yes I have issues.  A lot of it is loneliness and tiredness.

I try you know do the Sabbath thing rest but I find it is too much just sitting and not really doing anything.  I have even been shopping Sunday, need to be busy.

When you are lonely you start questioning things your life the answers come back Why me ?

It is great that you have found your place in God and Jesus but there are so many of us who read the bible and practise the Lords works.  That are not wanted by the Church.  I know that sounds harsh but religion should not be like that.  It is to me.  

Recent events have made question everything.  I know the your faith is strong and I know the Church you belong to.  I have to admit that I could and should have taken them into my life.  Count my blessings as they say.  I have never met people who I could trust.  Especially cure me of my addiction.  Addiction thoughts enter my head start of every day.

Been up since 6am worrying this morning about these depressing thoughts.  Even clean as they say we all in addiction whether alcohol, drugs, and even those giving up or trying to cigarettes.  Have the  itch I call it constantly.  Some days really bad and full of anxiety and down days.  Some days well most of them start in pain.

Pain that hurts deep inside, pain mentally, pain muscles and body, pain of lifes little problems causing me pain.  Pain of loneliness.  I do not find comfort saying this but I do find comfort in words that help.  Words have meaning and soothe me in the dark hours.  I wish and do pray that the word of our Lord should mean something.  Jesus says God loves everybody.

Why is it then that when I join a Church I am not wanted.  Made to feel unloved and pushed to one side.  I do not go in pushy, am polite but the elders and the officers do not want me.  One organisation I asked for help with this ongoing issue and I know they do support people like me.  I was gently persuaded to think of God and Jesus and come to services.  Which I did then ended up being trod all over.  Only disabled guy there.  That is not the way is it not.  Spoke to no one till I left and the main arm of the Church contacted me.

I spoke very politely and sincere because they had been numbers dropping attendance wise.  In their own words asking me why what is the problem.  I made peace in my opinion.  Said a few words the guy on you know you would look great in the uniform.  We need you would you like to do this and that.  I have tried but in the end I declined .  More interested in them selves getting people through door.  Than listening.

Only I can understand my self.  I hope you understand.  I pray for others and think of those who have gone.  I love the concept of religion and faiths but I feel it is for me in my own home.  Do it private and be there for others in similar situations.  Lovely to talk to you take care.

Hello @DannyMoore Yes I understand this.  Depression is a problem for me.  Some days get really bad.  Manage and strive the best I can.

I agree with your comments on the various Churches.  What I forgot to mention by way. 

I met a lad who was part of the Church and was homeless due to addiction.  Used to see him all the time.  So we used to meet afterwards coffee. tea chat.  No encouragement from some of the people in the Church who appeared to disregard this lad.  

Got a home through this Organisation funded by the Church.  Just expected to cope.  All kitted out and furnished.  He was immediately taken aback by the attitude of others.   The usual behind the scenes problems ensued.  Made this home a wreck.  Not once did I see all the time any support from this Organisation and the Church behind him.   I and others trying to support him best we all could.

I asked on his behalf.  I stood my ground and said it does not work like that.  Give him a home he will expected to follow God and then his addiction, pain, mental health will be gone.  Look at me I struggle every day I am here but fighting for a recognition by you the people of the Church.  You are not helping.  So that was the gist of that.

As for my friend yes you guessed it back on the street drinking and drugs.  No idea where he is now.  All I do is hope and pray he is safe and if I see him.  Offer my friendship.  

Nice to talk to you take care.

Hello @janejr   Good afternoon How are you?  Lovely to speak to you again.  Always here to listen or have a chat.

Yes I have got an lad coming next week to fit a smart meter.  Spiceman tip sorry if you do not mind.  Of that age getting forgetful.  So bought a page day diary.  Helps with my feelings, thoughts, also my appointments, plans, goals little things in the week to help.

I can put in there going out to appointment tag on shopping.  Spiceman treat.  Then if you see it .  You can plan mentally for it, get prepare .  If it is there in black and white.  You to yourself can say well if I go this appointment, shop afterwards.  Might get a CD or a food treat.  Just ideas here.

Went to appointment last Thursday.  Thursday Chicken night got everything but thought I know I will buy that veg to go with this for a change.  In my case saw Pack of Peppers with Orange one in it.  Never really see Orange Peppers.

Made Med Rice with Orange, Red, Yellow Peppers lovely, bright colourful.  Helps with my mental health.  Visually.

I hope any of this helps.  Just ideas I have accumulated through lots of courses and well being days.  Does help.

I am anxious when people are around .  Thank you for saying that.  It is a hang up we all have them.  Old days of private rented houses where the landlord would turn up with a work man.  Sort out some problem.  I asked about.  Then when gone little things have gone.  Need to go into this room mate, right found out odd CD has gone or food items in the cupboard.  The landlord swiped it, for own use.  He's used my toilet, messed it up.  Could do that right.  Awful really.

Solved problem him the landlord taking from me, by way would arrive unannounced that was the real issue.  Me in my jimjams or ill in bed.  Leave of senses.  Anyway made cupboards springing, took out a screw so it made a noise when slightest noise I come into kitchen.. I was just wondering son always, son .  I probably older than him at the time.

Irritated me so much.  Notice was served to go else where in six weeks.

Those were the early days of addiction.  Thank god over.

Sorry about your weekends.  Call Sundays S--D All.  For obvious reasons.  Every day to me has a label from Sunday to Saturday.

Monday's worse.  Manic Monday, Misery Monday and the rest.

I will let you and the community know about Smart Meters.  Got to be better than what happened last time, see all my posts on Utilities.

Remember using companies on line lot easier.  Got reminder to do meter readings, by Email.

Yes I do not go to Church as a lot of us in the community have a religion.  I just go to my Church of the Spiceman.  I am the only member.  God loves me for what I am not because I go to a Church.

Beast from the East is hitting us right now.  Well I had everything planned to stay in.  Done that done this.  Do got have to go anywhere.  Then I forgot to check meds.  So even I forget either with a diary.  So been dropped off prescription.  Have to an Scott of The Antartic, and dig myself out.

I live in the North East.  In a small village, crest of hill looking down into a valley .  My bungalow.  So the car gets snowed in.

Where do live ?  I hope you keep safe and warm.

Sorry long post.  I send novels to read passes the time.

Great to talk to you

PS I have to put my marigolds on this week, bit of exercise.  Talking of house work.

I have a vinyl floor so good sweep a day chases the blues away.

Always here to chat or to listen.

Hello @janejr   Thank you for reply.  That's lovely living in The Peak District.  Yes lots of hills and dales and valleys.

I am glad I amuse you.  Life is so short.  I like humour, see many of my posts and I hope you enjoy reading them. As I enjoy reading yours.

I am so glad to have met you.  I forgot to add you said in one of your posts.  You get the if's I do know that I l get those.

It is making the if's into reality.  Small steps.  Nothing wrong in if's.  Doing simple tasks to brighten and help your life.  Problem is worrying and getting stressed and really anxious about things that deal with the mental health.

You can say if I was like this, if only I had not done this.  I can understand that.  So I am here to offload anytime.

I am like this myself.  When you have had an addiction history you always saying if to yourself.

That is good got your son for company.  I never see many people.  This is my social connection .  Being with you and the community.

Seen a neighbour other week.  Well I forget once and where .  Any way five minutes.  More worrying is the lad next door other side.  Washing out but blinds closed.

Last time so him was some time in the Summer.  I asked how are you ?  Rude and nasty.  So I do not bother.  Once I put refuse out wrong day.  Shouted at me.

Hope you keep warm.

Going to put heating on now.  Heating been off since about 10.30.  Can not afford it.

With new smart meter I will know how much I am paying.

I will be doing a post on them.  I do know by 2020 the Government wants every body to have one.

New rules on energy cap hopefully by law soon.  I suggested once to a energy company.  All prices capped to what you have.  Benefits or income.  Silence on the other end of phone.  No answer to that one.

I saw recently on the webpages the Big Six have been over charging us all for years.

I hope to speak to again, it is another novel I am sending.

Take care.

Your friend