Death of a parent/ grandparent — Scope | Disability forum
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Death of a parent/ grandparent

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debbiedo49
debbiedo49 Community member Posts: 2,904 Disability Gamechanger
in Mental health and wellbeing
My dad passed away suddenly yesterday. I’m living with mental and physical health problems. I’m feeling like I’ve been run over by a truck. I have my teenage son at home with me. He had reactive depression when my mum passed away suddenly in 2009. He is older now but I am worried for him. These things can scar you for life. I am now without parents. He is now without grandparents. I’m a single parent family. I know I have inner strength but this is so hard. What can I do to make this better for him, and for me if anything please? I jusf want to get it right 
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  • Andy2502
    Andy2502 Community member Posts: 16 Connected
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    First of all I want to say I'm deeply sorry for your loss, secondly the only advise I can give is just be there for each other I suffer with extreme deppresion and mobility issues myself and I lost my mom back in January, and it's so hard but you have each other, I know this isn't the advise your probably looking for but just know there is many of us here to listen and try and help and much as we can!!

    Take care and remember to talk never bottle things up!!

    All the best

    Andy x
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  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Community member Posts: 2,904 Disability Gamechanger
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    Thanks @Andy2502 I appreciate it. No chance of me bottling things up. My son wishes he could shut me up sometimes! I’m taking it minute by minute at the moment. Finding it hard to have any clear thoughts. No wonder they say don’t make any big decisions after a bereavement. I can’t make any! One day at time .
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  • Andy2502
    Andy2502 Community member Posts: 16 Connected
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    @debbiedo49 that's all you can do, second by second, minute by minute, day by day, yer they do say that and trust me I nearly did that and it was almost one of the biggest mistakes of my life! Just stop think and breath, you will get through this! 

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  • susan48
    susan48 Community member Posts: 2,221 Disability Gamechanger
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    @debbiedo49

    Im so sorry for your loss.
    Just be there for each other and you both will get through this sad time.

    Please take care x
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  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Community member Posts: 2,904 Disability Gamechanger
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    Thanks
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  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Community member Posts: 2,904 Disability Gamechanger
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    There is going to be a post mortem
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  • susan48
    susan48 Community member Posts: 2,221 Disability Gamechanger
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    Aww @debbiedo49
    Thats really difficult to cope with, I know first hand.
    Everything stops and you can’t move until it happens.

    Take care 
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  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Community member Posts: 2,904 Disability Gamechanger
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    Roll on Wednesday 
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  • susan48
    susan48 Community member Posts: 2,221 Disability Gamechanger
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    Time seems to standstill when these things are happening. I do understand, I lost my brother who was only 29 at the time.
    Post Mortem has to be done too.

    You need to look after yourself too though, I hope when that’s over you can get the funeral organised soon 
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  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Community member Posts: 2,904 Disability Gamechanger
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    Thanks 
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  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Community member Posts: 2,904 Disability Gamechanger
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    I’m dreading tomorrow by desperate to know why my dad passed suddenly. I keep having flashbacks of his final hours and I don’t want to remember him like that. 
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  • susan48
    susan48 Community member Posts: 2,221 Disability Gamechanger
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    It will be difficult but at least you will have answers.
    Have you got any films/videos etc of your dad, maybe help you remember good time x
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  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Community member Posts: 2,904 Disability Gamechanger
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    Yes luckily I do have them and ive been watching them. Lovely to hear his voice and see him x I have been sending them to family. Also looking up tributes. X
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  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Community member Posts: 2,904 Disability Gamechanger
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    Had to go around doors in dad’s street today to let elderly neighbours know he had passed away etc.  It was intense. 
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  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Community member Posts: 2,904 Disability Gamechanger
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    I hope I’m not dragging anyone down by posting about this ?
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  • Pippa_Alumni
    Pippa_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 5,793 Disability Gamechanger
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    Oh I'm so sorry for your loss @debbiedo49. Do feel free to keep talking to us: I'm sure everybody on the community will be keeping you in their thoughts. If you feel like it would help to talk on the phone, Cruse Bereavement Support have a wonderful telephone helpline service who you can reach at 0808 808 1677​.
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  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Community member Posts: 2,904 Disability Gamechanger
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    Thankx @Pippa_Scope
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  • susan48
    susan48 Community member Posts: 2,221 Disability Gamechanger
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    Thinking of you and your son xx
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  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Community member Posts: 2,904 Disability Gamechanger
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    Thanks @susan48
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  • clarabelle
    clarabelle Community member Posts: 71 Courageous
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    Am so sorry for your loss.
    I went through something similar two years ago - my mum died suddenly and my daughter was in the midst if a mental health crisis.  
    Your local disability advice centre should be able to put you in touch with a local counselling service - for both you and your son. It will give you a private space in which to explore your feelings. You can also contact Cruise, but I found there waiting lists to be very long. 
    Whatever you are feeling is OK, ,and try to keep in mind that however intense,,emotions do pass,,even if they come in waves that feel like a tsunami.
    Take care of yourself and try to ensure you do the daily stuff - like eating. Xx 
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