Esa not treating me right or fairly

hi

i suffer with severe mental health issues and am currently dealing with losing my grandma suddenly to terminal cancel.

what I don’t find right or fair at this time is how esa are treating me

as back to the beginning of December last year I got a letter to say my esa was going to be under review and I would need to send back the completed questionnaire and any medical evidence by the 2nd of January 

I rung them immediately on getting this letter (4th December) in floods of tears as just heard my grandma had passed away, and explained my situation about my grandma passing away and asked due to this could I have a slight extension on when I would get my questionnaire and medical evidence back due to the fact of the recent breveament and the impact it is having on mental health and needing time to be with family to grieve and get family affairs in order, also therapist would not be able to supple any up to date medical evidence till mid February as she was on compassionate leave till then

i was told that because I was in the support group and have severe mental health issues that they would not be rigid about when I would need to get my questionnaire back meaning, but yes I could have an extension to the 2nd March (I made sure they put notes on the system to show that decision was made and the day it was made and the reasons for it ie bereavement and no therapist till February 

This extension I backed up with esa 2 times after that first call, on the 20th December and 3rd January which both times I was assured that the extension was in place and to make sure I got in all my paperwork by the 2nd of march

so I was surprised to get a letter the 2nd week of January (which was dated 4th January) to say due to not getting my paperwork in by the 2nd January I was being fast tracked to the assessment stage and they had booked me in for an assessment for the following week (17th January)

i could not understand why I got this letter as I had been given an extension to get the paperwork back in which was confirmed twice afterwards, so I thoughts it was a simple case of a misunderstanding and once I rung up esa it would all be sorted, the assessment would be cancelled and I would be told to get my paperwork in by 2nd march

how wrong I was, esa refused to have anything to do with me when I rung them and said the matter was being handled by the assessment people, and when I rung the assessment people they said they do not know anything about an extension and (when I explained esa had granted me one till the 2nd March to get my paperwork in by) they said well they will not stand on that extension, the questionnaire and medical evidence was not important, all that matter was the assessment and if I did not attend it I could end up losing all my benefits.

i was not willing to back down as I knew I had this extension and based on that I had booked a trip home to Cornwall (back at beginning of December) to go home and be with my family for some much needed help and support from the 10th January to the 11th February, so was unable to attend any assessment till after I return

all the assessment people were willing to do was to change the assessment to the 5th February (which I can’t attend) and when I don’t attend that appointment they said they will send me a letter out to ask me why I did not attend,

i dont understand why they are treating me like this, why give me an extension and confirm it in two subsequent calls I had with them if they had no intention of standing on that decision?

Instead now they have left me in a right mess, put a massive stress on my already fragile mental health and I am left worried and scared that early February I will lose all my benefits and be left with no money to live off through no fault of my own

i don’t know what to do right now.