Loneliness kills — Scope | Disability forum

Loneliness kills

AlisonNetty
AlisonNetty Member Posts: 181 Pioneering
Hi.
I have been on my own for the past 10 years. My husband left me shortly after I finished my treatment for breast cancer. He didn't like the fact that I was off sex and had no hair.. he always blamed me for catching cancer....
I was managing to get about and I could go down my sons on the bus. But in 2013 I my told I had Fibromyalgia.  It did explain all the pains and other things that affected me. 
Anyhow,  I couldn't do much walk as time went by so the visits to my son got less and less until the stopped about 2 years ago, I got a mobile Walker about that time... (my son has a working car)
Well I get so lonely...I try and find things to help the time past by but the feeling is always there...
I have to beautiful  cats that I live dearly.  They great when I'm feeling sad as they know when that happens. 
Any how I just wanted to say that loneliness kills. Netty

Comments

  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Posts: 8,191

    Scope community team

    edited May 2019
    Cats can be so intuitive can't they? What are yours called?

    I'm sorry to hear about your husband/ex-husband, that's a pretty horrible attitude to have and it can't have helped at all through your treatment and recovery.

    Is your son able to come and visit you at all?

    What sort of hobbies and interests do you have? Is there anything local that you might be able to get involved with?

    MIND has some resources about dealing with loneliness that might be of use to you. If you do feel like your loneliness is getting too much and you're feeling overwhelmed, you can always give Samaritans a call on 116 123, or you can always email them if it's easier to get it down on paper so to speak.

    As a member of our community you are very important to us, so of course we're always willing to talk to you about anything, but if you do feel like you might be a danger to yourself, please don't hesitate to call 999 or go to your local hospital.
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  • AlisonNetty
    AlisonNetty Member Posts: 181 Pioneering
    My cats are both girls Polly and Honey.
    Thank you for answer this message.  Loneliness does both me some times.. but if it gets to bed I normal going to sleep... and when I woke up I don't feel to bad. My ex was having an affair all the way through my treatment. Radiotherapy and chemotherapy ...
    I was having treatment for 8 months... I was a jelly by the time I finished and needed support but no one was there for me... it took me a long time to get back on my feet but I did it by myself..
    Any how.. my cats keep me living... if I didn't have them I'm not sure where I'll be...
  • April2018mom
    April2018mom Posts: 2,869 Member
    That sucks 

    Are you seeing a therapist or not? It might help you. Have you tried to find a cancer support group? If you go online to the MacMillian website you can view a list of groups nationwide that support people who have cancer. When I was told my mom was suffering from cancer my social worker helped me find a support group. I was a teenager at the time of her diagnosis. I was able to ask questions and share my thoughts in a safe way too. 
  • AlisonNetty
    AlisonNetty Member Posts: 181 Pioneering
    I had breast cancer back in 2007 @April2018mom I divorced him and managed to shut him out my life..it was hard because we had been married for 26 years... Oh well, that was then this is now. 
  • thespiceman
    thespiceman Member Posts: 6,390 Disability Gamechanger

    Hello @AlisonNetty.  Pleased to meet you. Thank you for sharing with the community. Sorry to hear what you have been going through.

    Wanted to add I know the days have been difficult and struggling.

    I know it is always hard to cope with loneliness.

    I use this forum every day helps me to cope.

    Got so much time for every one who helps each other and I think that is important be supportive.

    One suggestion I have is to look at volunteering.  Using your skills, talents or abilities to help yourself and others.

    Consider looking at the wellbeing service many council run. Often power aspiring courses on health and well being. Education and knowledge the key always learning.

    I have been on many of them. Gives you confidence and qualifications.  Which you can use.

    I know have had addiction history use that to heal and inspire others. Who are following the path to recovery. As I have done.

    Often use my mental health issues to give others a lot of support, guidance and words of comfort.

    I know the hardest part is to move on.  Yet you know inside you have to say to yourself .  I am not going to let any one hurt or harm me.

    I have to be strong. Have some goals and a plan.

    I have down days like ever one else does get emotional and have some dark days. Yet I know can see sunshine have a coping box.

    This is a place for me to use.  All my favourite things and certain aspects that I like and give me some thing to think about and heal with in.

    Can be favourite poems, CD's Words from a bible. My recipes . 

    Gives me hope add that to move on.  Make and do simple pleasures. I enjoy.  Nothing hard but warm and comforting. 

    Every one deserves to be rewarded be successful and have achievements. Write those down make notes. Just keep a folder reminding yourself.

    We all of us need to be loved but it starts with in. Every one has a inner beauty and you know that is important.

    To respect and be proud.

    Please keep in touch. We as a community always here.

    Pleasure to meet you.

    Take care.

    @thespiceman


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  • AlisonNetty
    AlisonNetty Member Posts: 181 Pioneering

    Hello @AlisonNetty.  Pleased to meet you. Thank you for sharing with the community. Sorry to hear what you have been going through.

    Wanted to add I know the days have been difficult and struggling.

    I know it is always hard to cope with loneliness.

    I use this forum every day helps me to cope.

    Got so much time for every one who helps each other and I think that is important be supportive.

    One suggestion I have is to look at volunteering.  Using your skills, talents or abilities to help yourself and others.

    Consider looking at the wellbeing service many council run. Often power aspiring courses on health and well being. Education and knowledge the key always learning.

    I have been on many of them. Gives you confidence and qualifications.  Which you can use.

    I know have had addiction history use that to heal and inspire others. Who are following the path to recovery. As I have done.

    Often use my mental health issues to give others a lot of support, guidance and words of comfort.

    I know the hardest part is to move on.  Yet you know inside you have to say to yourself .  I am not going to let any one hurt or harm me.

    I have to be strong. Have some goals and a plan.

    I have down days like ever one else does get emotional and have some dark days. Yet I know can see sunshine have a coping box.

    This is a place for me to use.  All my favourite things and certain aspects that I like and give me some thing to think about and heal with in.

    Can be favourite poems, CD's Words from a bible. My recipes . 

    Gives me hope add that to move on.  Make and do simple pleasures. I enjoy.  Nothing hard but warm and comforting. 

    Every one deserves to be rewarded be successful and have achievements. Write those down make notes. Just keep a folder reminding yourself.

    We all of us need to be loved but it starts with in. Every one has a inner beauty and you know that is important.

    To respect and be proud.

    Please keep in touch. We as a community always here.

    Pleasure to meet you.

    Take care.

    @thespiceman


    Thank you for your kind words...  There are times that being on my own really bothers me... but usually, I'm OK with it. My ex hurt me so badly I don't even want to try and have another partner...
    I keep my self busy with my adult colouring app I have on my phone and I make tags of my own with tubes.
    It wouls just be nice to talk to a human rather than my cats... Cheers everyone. Netty 
  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Posts: 8,191

    Scope community team

    Hi @AlisonNetty, I know it's not quite the same, but you can always talk to us. In the meantime, have you tried any local groups for conversation or a bit of human interaction?
    What sort of things do you tend to colour? I frequently use the Recolor app myself. Quite therapeutic.
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  • AlisonNetty
    AlisonNetty Member Posts: 181 Pioneering

    This one I finished this morning...
    I'll look into the local groups about my area..
  • Antonia_Alumni
    Antonia_Alumni Scope alumni Posts: 1,781 Pioneering
    Hi @AlisonNetty I am sorry to hear what you have been through. Like Adrian said, we are here for you. This is amazing, thank you for sharing this with us. I need to look into colouring apps and save my colouring pencils. :D That'd be good, please keep us updated.
  • debbiedo49
    debbiedo49 Member Posts: 2,904 Disability Gamechanger
    Have you tried Dazzly? It's like colour by numbers with crystals in an app. Yes loneliness kills. I agree. You have to make the effort to interact with other people online, in local groups or whatever is out there you fancy. I have fibromyalgia too. It is hard to make the connections. But I'm finding there are things out there near where I live I can try if I'm brave enough and if I have the energy. Good luck x
  • ScoliFibroGirl
    ScoliFibroGirl Member Posts: 54 Courageous
    Hey 
    it may seem difficult at first but stick with hobbies that you give you pleasure, stick on the radio so you don’t feel lonely and isolated by yourself..  I find that when the radio is on capital fm or some music channel. I ain’t thinking about feeling lonely.. what’s usually going through my mind is whatever is on the radio, the project I am working on and not my current situation
  • buzzer
    buzzer Member Posts: 106 Pioneering
    @AlisonNetty As well as forums such as this... Have a search of local befriending services in your area, we have one locally for people with MH and also for carers and over 60's. Its usually a phone service. Ageuk offer befriending as example. A relation of mine has local volunteers who choose and bring him library books (and return them) and come and have a cuppa with him, he was a bit reluctant at first, but now he really enjoys the visits. So contact your local volunteer centre. Loneliness is not always about being alone either, as an example carers can get lonely too. Your colouring is a great too x

    Try & be kind to one another even if we may have different views. 

  • AlisonNetty
    AlisonNetty Member Posts: 181 Pioneering
    @buzzer thank you for the information. I got in touch with MIND and talked to them, they have put a plan together. I see the dr at my dr surgery on the 21st. I hope that I can get myself sorted, thank you very much, everyone, for the help and advice.
  • Adrian_Scope
    Adrian_Scope Posts: 8,191

    Scope community team

    That's brilliant news @AlisonNetty. I'm really glad for you. I hope it goes well. :smile:
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  • ScoliFibroGirl
    ScoliFibroGirl Member Posts: 54 Courageous
    There are lots of people who are lonely when they've got a room full of people, or in busy surroundings, these can make you feel even lonelier
  • Ails
    Ails Member Posts: 2,256 Disability Gamechanger
    Your colouring is brilliant @AlisonNetty.  I am sorry to hear that you have been through such an awful experience.  I hope you are feeling ok today.  I have a cat too who can cheer me up no end when I am feeling down.  x  :smile:
    Winner of the Scope New Volunteer Award 2019.   :)

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