Do You Accept Your Disability

I have always had limited abilities due to having hydrocephalus which affects my co-ordination and balance. I also have other disabilities and conditions and was bullied as a kid because of this but This is just the way I am so I have no choice to accept it. My health has got worse as I have got older but that is just how I am and I get on with life as best I can!

In a word ...No...I hate my disability with a vengeance! As I get older it gets worse....I`mm 66 and became disabled at 45....hate it hate it hate!

I can relate so much to what @Connie00 says in her post.  Being disabled since birth, I don't really know anything else and I feel that if I was able-bodied I would have a different personality and be loud and an extrovert rather than be a quieter person, although I have gained more in confidence over the last few years.  In recent years my condition has deteriorated and I'm unable to do as much as I could do, resulting in me having to rely on my husband/family and friends more and at times I hate that as years ago I could work, drive and walk around not too badly with my crutches.  Now I spend more time in my wheelchair outdoors and get tired quite easily, but when I get down and upset I always try to concentrate on what I can still do and the fact that I can still go places at times.  I also count my blessings for having some great people in my life including some new friends I have met on the Community.  Days can be hard and at times I do feel sorry for myself, but it is ok to feel like that.  I guess I just try to channel those emotions in the right way and keep going as best I can.  

david235 said:

I have a very different life now than before I fell ill. I'm 44 and became disabled at 18 - at the time I was a second year chemistry student at a top university. It seems that chemical exposure set off the illness that led to my disabilities though, in retrospect, my health had been gradually falling apart from puberty onwards.

So much that I held dear was lost. I was a white, male, middle-class educational high-flyer who suddenly became a member of a minority group, who lost his strength, his independence and quite a lot of what he held dear, including his music (I sang in three choirs when I fell ill).

I am now so many years down the line that it no longer makes sense to try to imagine how my life would have turned out. What I know for sure is that even if I had kept my health, there would have been no guarantee that life's challenges would not have found me in other ways. Life can change in an instant. My contemporaries have had to face divorces, premature death of one or both parents, stillborn children, recurrent miscarriages and so much more.

WhatI do have is amazing relationships with those who are still around me, especially people from the disability community. Being able to offer understanding and encouragement to others in a similar position is very precious. Out of that came something I did not expect - a long term friendship with a woman with similar health conditions to mine surprised us both by becoming a long-term relationship. We had not seen it coming and were not looking for a relationship; it was only when we looked back on how we'd handled some challenging events together that we realised we were no longer just friends.

We're nearly twelve years as a couple now - and finally in a place where marriage and a life together is a possibility at last. We have been through a lot, including going up to two years between seeing each other, also her near death a few years ago (I had to say what I thought was a final goodbye to her three times over the phone and was unable to get to her when she was critically ill in intensive care, as I was too ill even to be driven to her and she knew that). There are losses, of course, in being as we are - there are times when the last thing you want is to be apart from the person you love. However, we recognise there are also tremendous blessings, not least in our tremendous understanding of what the other is going through and our total acceptance of them as they are.

I know my partner (and would be wife) and I are the fortunate ones, as so many relationships founder when faced with health problems and so many disabled people who long for love cannot find it.

It is vital to let yourself grieve, to regret and be angry, for the losses are often deep and profound. Often what you would think is the small stuff hurts way more than the bigger things - losing my music hurt way more than losing my mobility (I am looking for ways to get some of the music back). However, I hope there might be blessings too, not least in a deeper understanding of others and perhaps also in the quality of relationships.

I love your story and wish you and your partner all the very best xxx

I as born with a complex and not well understood communication disability, I only really discovered how different I am from others during my 40s, 
all of my family have my disability, and previous generations went undiagnosed due to the lack of medical science regarding my disability. I was first identified as being dyslexic atr the same time our children were experiencing problem,s in the education system, a few years later I was the first adult in the UK to be  diagnosed as having Auditory Processing Disorder (APD) which is the underlying cause of my dyslexia symptom. I have the Temporal type of APD, my brain has problems processing the gaps between sounds , which can include the gaps between words in rapid speech, I have a poor auditory memory, and word recall problems to to mention some of the issues. Until I was diagnosed I was not aware of all of the symptoms, and all of the limitations I have, I thought that others may be similar. I also discovered the alternative compensating skills and abilities I had develop from birth to work around my limitations 
I am OK living with my disability, the problem is the lack of understanding and support from others, especially the UK medical support professionals who should work as part of a life long multi discipline support team. 

pollyanna1052 said:

Well you have a very good command of English grammar and how to write a great post. x

I attended a private school back in the 1970s, and i had to take the O Level English Language Exam, 6 times over 2 years before i eventually passed with the lowest grade. I takes me quite a while to create posts on internet forums, checking my underlined spelling mistakes and finding the right words. However the internet is my main means of communication out side of my immediate family (my wife and 3 sons), as I am almost house bound due the failure of others to understand my communication disability and experiencing years of disability discrimination.

Hello @Connie00   My friend thank you for your post. I want to add as some one who was born disabled and acquired other disabilities, illness as I have matured.

I want to say that yes these aspects of your life has changed but it is finding new ways and means to be adaptable to deal with what you have.

Be strong, have courage do the things you wish to do and why not if you feel you can not then try another way or use something else to cope and try that.

As for what happens when you acquire a disability all the past histories, experiences and knowledge. That is your life story your history, your talents, skills and abilities.

Which you can still use and educate others who may be interested, want to know and offer advice, guidance and wisdom.

You do not have to prove a thing make people aware of how you are. If they have a problem or issues with you then they are not knowing who you are.

As a young man growing up into a adult had severe problems with members of society who make the wrong connection.

This misunderstood belief if your disabled your not intelligent. Where that has come from? Always running in to some one mismatched the disability and the persona.

In my time met a lot of community members who are paralysed from the neck, waist and many others having disabilities, condition and a vast spectrum of illness or disease.

Never for one do I ever judge them all I know see them as some one to follow and be inspired.

The most important thing in my opinion is not be angry I used to be and being angry gets you no one . As my Doctor says being an angry man does not help me mentally.

What does help me is to think positive use my talents, skills, abilities from work, volunteering and anything else business I ran very successful.

I had relationships and friendships . Of course we need to learn from those, the good the bad and the what if's.

If we saying what if all the time it becomes a difficult hurdle stone to get over. 

Yes that relationship could be the one.  Just chalk that up to experience learnt a lesson.

What is also important recognise that make it sing it out loud be proud of all your achievements.  

Why not write them down in a book, I probably run out of space my own.

I use my addiction a painful, hurtful almost died during it a saviour a calling. Yes I was ill yes I was hurting, yes I am alive but I can pass on that to heal and recover to others who are like me.

I can be a grumpy old man as we do message a lot.  lol.  Why not but at the same time can bring my sunshine and my prayers, persona to the forum. 

That helps as well my faith, my Christianity. 

As I think about today or tomorrow what ever it will bring. I know will begin a new day using what I have to be supportive.

Of those members going through struggles every day.  

Using my disabilty and much more to guide those with a need.

We will talk again soon.

Take care always in my thoughts and prayers.

Your friend.

@thespiceman

Connie00 said:

I used to be able to do sport

Now I watch from the side lines very jealous that I can’t join in

I used to walk & run

I took this for granted, without a second thought for those who couldn’t   

I used to work and lead people

I was a Manager in a leading multi-national company

I used to go out without taking necessary aids with me

I could go to the pub clubs or friends without a thought

 I used to drive

I once had total freedom

II used  to have a life

Now I have a very different life

I find it very difficult to accept my life, I feel cheated. I miss my old life, my so-called friends all dwindled off to other ventures, those I could not attend because of my disability. I need to use a wheelchair or mobility scooter when out. I have to be mindful about eating out. I can only stay local on my mobility scooter. I miss interacting with people. I miss the drive I once had when working. I miss my old life.

 

Hi Connie, I`m with you all the way! hate this body of mine and what I have become.xxx